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Friday, March 29, 2013

The Devil Is In The Details

Today, no, it is now yesterday. It was yesterday. You see, I am not altogether together tonight. I am still reliving this afternoon, yesterday afternoon, to make certain it truly happened because I have been surrounded by this atmosphere of surrealism for hours. And I know my daughter, Melanie is having the same issue. There is so much to lead  up to this but let's just go to the "robbery".

I have your attention now. Robbery.

I needed to go to the bank, but first we needed to take her dog to the groomer's. Before we headed to the bank we both felt the "urge" to stop at a popular candy store..See's Chocolates,for some self indulgence & an Easter gift. 

When we got to the bank, we got inside & had to wait a couple of minutes at most before a female banker came over and asked us to sit down at her desk. After just a couple of minutes of information exchange and ID, she left us to make copies of the paperwork. Then..

I heard Melanie mumble something as she looked up and behind me.... I only heard the words, "...we are being robbed."  I followed her eyes and knew I could not turn around in my chair to look - it would draw attention to me. Her hands then went to her cell phone slowly and I whispered for her to be careful. Then I looked and saw my wallet sitting so plain upon the desk.

At that same moment I heard his voice, quiet, but plain, asking for the money telling the teller that it was not a joke, that she was too slow, to hurry, faster, faster he said. I expected him to come over to us. I remember thinking, I will tell him to just take the whole wallet.  But he didn't come to us, he just ran out the door.  Melanie had called 911 and got an answering machine asking her to hold.. Unbelievable...  She was the first to notify 911... as she had them on the phone I had to scold and get the women to shut up and help identify the robber. Benefits of being a police dispatcher years ago kicked in to ask for details of his appearance from head to toe and his direction of travel which was on foot.

One by one, each began to recall details. He was shaved baldwhich was seen from behind but was wearing a straw hat with a black band. He had an obvious bad curly and long phony beard and sunglasses... he wore an over sized track,running suit with double white stripes and shoes with green and yellow around the heels. He was white. Funny what you can remember when pressed and calmed.

It took another 2 hours of statements, lock down, detectives, videos, etc before we were finally escorted to our car with our paperwork finally in hand. Neither of us were ever shaking and I wonder why. What kept us so calm? To us, so much that afternoon happened at first, without rhyme or reason until we reflected later.. happened to put us there and then. How the story is told we won't know, but we do know that between her quick call and my interrogating the women to put the information out... the bad guy WAS caught in a near by theater having discarded his disguise.

Was it the wrong place at the wrong time? Or the right place at the right time? No one will ever  know for certain. But, I will forever consider it one of my luckiest days ever.  Not because we were in a bank robbery, but because when we were in one, the robber was scared, rushed and not violent towards anyone... unlike many others that result in death, injury or mental terrorism.

I

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Final Farewell

For weeks I have had Gary in my life, since his death. In my dreams, when I walk into a room or glance at a hallway. There he is. Not interfering or frightening. He is as plain as this monitor, void of emotion but there and watching.

Since we began clearing out his apt. I kept telling my daughter that something was missing. It was stressing me out terribly. We looked under tables, the bed, under the couch and cushions. On the last day we cleared everything out I had to start from go and look above and below every single thing to find that nagging feeling I was missing something important.

Eventually we cleared it all out and as we shut the door for the final thing I finally burst out crying but not for long. I had to be brave for my daughter but in truth, I wanted to sit there longer and sob until there were no tears.

Later that night I finally broke down and told me daughter of the constant sightings of my brother. He was everywhere and it felt like he was waiting. But for what Maybe I was right, something truly was missing. I cried a lot that night.

About 3:00-3:00 am the following morning I found myself out on the porch looking at some of his things and one of his 3 ring binders caught my eye. Selfishly I like it and thought it would be good to keep some of my writing in there. As I looked for things left in every crevice I found less than a dollars change, a stamp and an eye doctors release so he could drive. As I closed it, that strong inner voice told me to look further. I had checked every pocket. But one pocket was deep, so once again I put my fingers down, but deeper and there it was.. As I pulled the two pages out from deep in the pocket I knew immediately this was it.

There were some websites with his name and passwords and then there were names and numbers not meant for any family member to see. This was it! He knew his kids could never have understood or been at ease with it. Yes, it is incredibly private. But it was what he waited for me to find... not only the few business contacts but the 2 pages of names that would bring his family nothing but pain they need never know. I almost instantly felt relief, knowing this was what was missing. These papers of his indiscretions that needed to be destroyed and unseen by his family.

That night, in prayer, I told Gary I knew I had found what was keeping him here. I asked him to trust me, that no one would ever see it and I would destroy it. I told him it was time for him to east back and go to his family and let me finish his business. I asked him to please stop being everywhere; I needed to move onward and so did he.  That was the very first night he was not in my dreams.
'
He didn't follow me the next day and I felt a huge sense of relief for myself and a sense of completion for Gary. All was removed and his secret taken care of. Now, I truly have to think hard to conjure up his face and he no longer stands behind me.

I hope all is well, Gary. That you can now walk forward and embrace your new found peace.
I love you.