I am too tired to write much tonight. I am a blob companion. I am sick of having diabetes, high cholesterol, triglycerides and low-grade Lymphomatic skin cancer (Lymphomatoid Papulosis) amongst other things. My kidney is now infected and the pain is incredible. There, I said it...well, most of it but enough for maybe someone out there to say, "Hey, Iknow what that crap feels like and it sucks."
If you're like me y ou do your best to pretend y ou feel fine...you learn to walk with very little sign of a limp from your feet that sting, burn, go dead, or throb when you walk, sit or raise them up. Your heart races at times and you wonder is this the time it has affected your heart? Is this the plaque you try to avoid with statins? OR is this the stress you didn't get a handle on?
Oh, pooh!!
Just ignore this rant. I needed to release it. In an hour I will have it under my mental control and locked away in this small room in my brain that is only for these moments. My daughter, husband and grandchildren need me to be laughing, with them, playing and being all I can without them having to say, What is wrong Grandma?
I so love living that the pain is ok to deal with.... BUT I think I am allowed to have these moments in the middle of the night. I want to get well enough to be the writer I wanted to be since I was about 10 years old.. I WILL reach a stable condition and I WILL do what I have always dreamed. Dreams do come true, right?