If I ever knew anything with complete certainty, it is this. I love my immediate family so deep in my soul I feel I could burst. All those years in foster homes I thought nothing would ever be mine. I lost or had stolen every single toy or doll I owned. My parents, Aunt and Uncles left me stranded in a home they knew abused me sexually, physically and mentally. But, a week after mom's suicide I'd firmly made up my mind. No one in dad or mom's side was ever, ever going to kill me slowly the way they did her.
I began not answering the phone, then gradually told them I needed them out of my life so I could try to heal and create a new family. Danny then entered the picture, was very protective and helped me break from the non-stop pain.
Through many confrontations, they finally backed away. They finally realized I wanted to embrace life as mom had tried often but family brought her down. In her darkest hour EVERYONE of them turned their backs on her and her despair overwhelmed and killed her.
Though many never forgave me, God has spoken often to my heart, assuring me all was well. Being told by 5 doctors I was barren, I got pregnant the first night Dan came home from overseas after a 3 month secret mission during the Vietnam War. Our daughter is our miracle; she's my best friend.
This is the family that gives me joy beyond measure; peace,comfort and complete happiness. I have been blessed lately to feel the Spirit fill me with the sense that my early choices were right and because of those choices I have a family of the Lord, kind and respectful, use I love you all the time and hug you just because they love you. Trust in the small voice. Trust in the strength of your convictions.
Tonight as I write this my daughter and her family are sleeping downstairs. My home is filled with love, laughter and God's love. What more could one ask for? In the quiet of this night, I am filled only with gratitude that God found me worthy for these blessings.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Thursday, August 09, 2012
My Bella Fear
Out of the gate tonight, my fear. Bella slipped out several hours ago and has not returned. She loves the outdoors but only during the day. Melanie says she is always back long before dark. Tonight she went out before dark and though we've called she hasn't returned or rankled the bell on her collar. It was hard for Mel to go to bed without her being in the house. It is hard for me to stop looking, calling and getting that knotted feeling I had weeks before she came here. I refuse to believe this early there would be trouble.
She is so beautiful... Bombay cat with soft, silky hair and amber eyes. When she walks with such surety she has the sleekness and regalia of royalty. She is her own queen; we are there for her pleasure.
The dog, Patches, acts as if he lived here all his life. He has taken up with my husband and follows him everywhere. But then, my husband spoils him and plays his games on the floor with him. IT has been 10 yrs since we put down Chewy, our incredible child-dog of 18 yrs. Dan lost it and swore no dog would ever be in our home again. Time has healed his wounds but not his memories. I hear him trying to teach Patches to "high five" or "gimme ten" as we taught Chewy. Tonight, as he laid with the dog, I heard him say, "You'd have loved Chewy."
Hurry home, Bella. Come through that doggy door.
Now sooner signed out, then Bella comes racing through the door. Now, it will be a goodnight, all.
She is so beautiful... Bombay cat with soft, silky hair and amber eyes. When she walks with such surety she has the sleekness and regalia of royalty. She is her own queen; we are there for her pleasure.
The dog, Patches, acts as if he lived here all his life. He has taken up with my husband and follows him everywhere. But then, my husband spoils him and plays his games on the floor with him. IT has been 10 yrs since we put down Chewy, our incredible child-dog of 18 yrs. Dan lost it and swore no dog would ever be in our home again. Time has healed his wounds but not his memories. I hear him trying to teach Patches to "high five" or "gimme ten" as we taught Chewy. Tonight, as he laid with the dog, I heard him say, "You'd have loved Chewy."
Hurry home, Bella. Come through that doggy door.
Now sooner signed out, then Bella comes racing through the door. Now, it will be a goodnight, all.
Monday, August 06, 2012
The 2 Year Sleepover Has Begun
I cannot believe it has been 6 days. The family put everything into high gear and in warp time my house has now turned into a home. Friday night the last bed was brought in and the first 2 year sleepover began.
Running up and down the stairs, borrowing cereal bowls, a can of pop or a Hawaiian roll. The sounds of laughter. The sounds of pounding new shelves and putting their pictures and saying on the walls. The stacked washer and dryer that barely made it an inch from the ceiling.
Bella, the cat and Patches, the dog are adjusting quite well, considering. Last night they were running circles tail to tail in my front room. Bella just learned how to get outside and therein lies my fears. Today was her first day our several times. All I can do is hope she'll take to the neighborhood okay.
We are a family of unplanned adventures. The days to come will be filled with them.
Running up and down the stairs, borrowing cereal bowls, a can of pop or a Hawaiian roll. The sounds of laughter. The sounds of pounding new shelves and putting their pictures and saying on the walls. The stacked washer and dryer that barely made it an inch from the ceiling.
Bella, the cat and Patches, the dog are adjusting quite well, considering. Last night they were running circles tail to tail in my front room. Bella just learned how to get outside and therein lies my fears. Today was her first day our several times. All I can do is hope she'll take to the neighborhood okay.
We are a family of unplanned adventures. The days to come will be filled with them.
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