I Feel I Could Burst

If I ever knew anything with complete certainty, it is this. I love my immediate family so deep in my soul I feel I could burst. All those years in foster homes I thought nothing would ever be mine. I lost or had stolen every single toy or doll I owned. My parents, Aunt and Uncles left me stranded in a home they knew abused me sexually, physically and mentally. But, a week after mom's suicide I'd firmly made up my mind. No one in dad or mom's side was ever, ever going to kill me slowly the way they did her.
I began not answering the phone, then gradually told them I needed them out of my life so I could try to heal and create a new family. Danny then entered the picture, was very protective and helped me break from the non-stop pain.
Through many confrontations, they finally backed away. They finally realized I wanted to embrace life as mom had tried often but family brought her down. In her darkest hour EVERYONE of them turned their backs on her and her despair overwhelmed and killed her.

Though many never forgave me, God has spoken often to my heart, assuring me all was well. Being told by 5 doctors I was barren, I got pregnant the first night Dan came home from overseas after a 3 month secret mission during the Vietnam War. Our daughter is our miracle; she's my best friend.

This is the family that gives me joy beyond measure; peace,comfort and complete happiness. I have been blessed lately to feel the Spirit fill me with the sense that my early choices were right and because of those choices I have a family of the Lord, kind and respectful, use I love you all the time and hug you just because they love you. Trust in the small voice. Trust in the strength of your convictions.

Tonight as I write this my daughter and her family are sleeping downstairs. My home is filled with love, laughter and God's love. What more could one ask for? In the quiet of this night, I am filled only with gratitude that God found me worthy for these blessings.