First, A Correction

Unfortunately I have to amend my last post. I was so excited to think I had all 4 years of the taxes that I misread the most recent. I actually received two bills for 2011. One due on Oct. 24, when they were shutdown and the other 1 week later with additional fees and penalties. So I made the call for 2011 and learned there is some unknown "trouble" they call it with the 2010 return. How much trouble can it be? I can't pay it anyway.  Oh well, it will be interesting, if they choose to tell me what it was.

My daughter is starting night school this Monday and I am thrilled for her. She is going to Salt Lake Community College and taking classes for medical coding. I never had the opportunity and am proud to see her doing this.If I ever did anything right in my life, it was having her and loving her so much every minute since her birth that she has a natural loving nature. She is kind and respectful to people, always threads her words with please and thank yous. On the darkest of nights or times all I have to do is think of her and now the grand kids and there is light.

10-26-2013

Today I received the final bill from the IRS for Gary. The year 2011.All total, including what Utah got it comes to around $12,000. I have left about $1,000 and still need to take care of his 2013 taxes at the first of the year.  Now, I have to make the call again and wait forever while they study the records, send me to someone who will interview me on any assets or other monies of which there is only the $1,000.  If they believe me, they may request a small amount of what I have or close the books on all 4 years. Like they also have said, not a dime should come out of my pocket. I just want it over so I can release that feeling of someone looking over my shoulder; dreading the mail.

Dan went back to the Veteran's Hosp. to watch a video and receive a CPAC machine to help him breathe better at night. He swore he just tossed and turned from sore hips but he did a sleep study and confirmed he has sleep apnea. Oh, and the weirded thing yet.

I don't know and haven't looked back, if I've told you of all the pulmonary tests he's had done because he does wheeze a bit and coughs a lot. One test showed only 54% airway. Scared the hell out of us; that night they brought out all this oxygen and we were baffled. He takes in air just fine. So a few weeks later they redid the test and he passed much better. It seems he will need an inhaler and oxygen at night but nothing like the first test. Such a relief.

They ordered MRI's and a nuclear test of his chest and checked his heart. My ears heard he had a small valve issue but Dan says my ears were confused. A month and a half went by and they called us to meet with a pulmonary doctor. Ok.

He was a character; a Japanese doctor who also served in the Vietnam War and wanted to continue to serve his fellow mates from the Armed Services. Told lots of jokes and got us feeling comfortable. Then he turns on the light behind Dan's chest x-ray. I felt my heart drop. Where there would have shown the 2 large, healthy signs of lungs , there were only 1 1/2. Of course I am terrified I am looking at a large tumor in the whole bottom half.  Here, finally, is the weird part.

The large mass is literally his stomach pushed somehow clear up into his lung.They have no idea how it happened but there it was...possibly a huge reason for his being short of breath when even just watching tv. And yet, he can inhale and exhale quite deeply.  So, for now, he is to lose at least 20 but preferably 30 pounds and see if his stomach will settle back down and let his lower lung expand to a better capacity. It's the oddest thing. He is trying to lose weight his way and as you know I am trying but my illnesses acting up have seriously hindered the proper foods.

Well, that is the current story of us. There is still more adventure that always surrounds my life but it is late.  There is always another day.

The Cricket

Due to constant preventative spraying indoors and out, I haven't had a live cricket in the house for quite some time and for that I am grateful. Crickets and grasshoppers scare me more than spiders and spiders make me panic and holler for a spider killer. A cricket in the house sends me into a panic that mice can't compare to.

A few years ago I was the only one home one evening. Danny was out of town when I suddenly heard the creature chirping at the front door landing. The evil thing had given me no warning by coming up from the basement, he invited himself through a crack on the side of the front room door. He was not small and feisty, he was as fat and long as my thumb and  determined to force his will upon me.

My can of poison was close to empty, so I emptied it on him. That really made him mad so up two stairs he came in the time it took me to grab my favorite Dove Extra Hold Hairspray. (It should be noted that this entire time I was screaming with random obscenities and  prayers for help.) He made it up another step. Two to go and he'd have access to more places than I cared to think.  As he began his march up the stairs I jumped back and dropped the hairspray. Prayers are answered.  The can , in an uncanny slow-motion act, landed directly on the cricket.  Not enough to kill him, but to inflict a concussion of sorts that gave me time to charge to the paper towels and unroll a hefty amount.

So there he still lay, twitching and gaining his senses.As he got his bearing I took my super wad and slammed it over him. I couldn't move; frozen in fear. If I lifted my hand he would surely jump right on me so I waited and waited. I sat on my butt at the top of the stairs and a vice-like grip on the paper towels suffocating the miserable, evil thing.  After an eternity (you now, everything feels like an eternity when fear is involved) I moved my hands, swooped him up and ran to the bathroom.

Not taking a chance, I flushed first to make sure that when I dropped him in, it would suck him down the drain with no chance of swimming to shore.  Victory.  I marveled at his size as he plopped and was sucked down the drain. Down to the land of crocodiles and turtles, the abyss.

An hour or so later I calmed down enough to get ready for bed. I went in to the bathroom and as I was halfway to sitting down I heard an odd sound and looked to see the cricket. He had somehow resurfaced and was trying to climb out the sides of the toilet bowl!!  I screamed, tripped on my pajama bottoms and fell into the towel rack. Scurrying to my knees I grabbed the toilet bowl brush and started whacking til he was stuck on the bristles, hanging on for his life. Eventually he fell back in and I flushed and flushed and flushed more than I can remember. He never came back.

The irony is that every evening I go to bed, I turn on my soft sounds for the night to Evening Crickets. In some inexplicable way, the sound of the crickets at a distance is soothing. Knowing I had fought the Mammoth and won, or knowing they are only in the machine. I don't know. But, the bugs that scare me most, give me comfort when I turn out the light. Go figure.

A Smack On The Head

You know the entire IRS story is so difficult and confusing that I won't burden you with much more. As I read my last post I didn't realize how much had changed. I just received a bill a couple of days before the Gov't Shutdown for $4,200+ dollars for 2011. Oct. 14th is the deadline for it to be paid... but there is no one home at the government offices and no one answering the phones to tell me what to do. I am not as worried as I have been. I just heard on the news, a reminder that people who filed for extensions are now due to have filed their taxes and that penalties will occur.  I am so glad I got those 4 yrs done when I did. The IRS is most likely going to be very backlogged. Yikes!

The Utah State Tax Commission just mailed me an order to lien if I didn't pay $155.+ The good news is per my phone call they have finally stamped the filed as finished. She said I will receive a Certified Letter of Notice to Lien that had just been mailed,but to not open it and hold on to it or let it sit at the post office. After a certain amount of time their system will make note of no response, check the file, see the disposition and end it. So, Utah is done. Finis.

Gary's headstone should be done and placed any day now. That will be another relief. I hope I've served him well. I will probably smack him upside the head when I see him one day. He could have warned me at any time in the year before his death that he quit paying taxes and opened only 1/4 of all his mail for 4 yrs and stuffed them in drawers. Yes, Gary, a smack on the head.  But, I truly know you are happier now than life here would allow you.

Update on Gary's Taxes

I got my first bill from the Utah Tax Comm which turned out to be a $79.00 refund. Good. Then I got forms for 2010 and 2012 saying each year had a $450.00 refund but was being applied to 2011. Still waiting that outcome.
.
I finally heard back from the IRS regarding the year 2012. He owed over $600 plus $100 for not paying on time plus penalties and interest. As his money has seriously dwindled with all the expenses and more to come I felt compelled to call them and try to get some understanding as to what else was coming and informing them I have not enough to pay the remaining 3 years let alone be able to do his 2013 taxes.

After exactly 92 minutes and 47 seconds I got this far. Thankfully, I was helped after 54 minutes on hold. The woman was pleasant and as I spoke I could tell she understood fully my situation. We eventually ended up with this:  She was able to completely close 2009 and 2012 taxes that were due. So the $600 plus is no longer due. They did run into unknown complications with 2010 which delayed 2011. It will take another 9 weeks before I get bills for those years.

The good news is that she feels certain that when I call again after receiving both, they will also be closed. BUT, if he owed over $5,000, which I sorely doubt, I'd be transferred to recovery people who will question me at length to be certain he had no assets they could seize. But again, she said if I told them what I told her, she is certain they will close the years and all I have in my future is to file the first 2 months of 2013 in January.

Maybe then Gary will be able to rest in peace and not feel the need to linger here.

Next major projects include getting my declining health on track. I've had no time to implement what I need to but have been given a nurse, Pam. whose job is to take all of my ailments, and work out a way I can eat without always getting sick or messing with the diabetes while keeping in mind the high cholesterol and very seriously high triglycerides. Let's not forget I have gastroparisis which means a number of the muscles in my stomach are paralyzed and cannot help digest food and Crohn's Disease, so that diet should be fun. I am thinking, soups and drinks mostly.

But that, my friends, is for another day.

I've Learned Much

Life has continued at a rapid pace since I last wrote in May. In between Gary and working I've had health setbacks needing off my feet healing and the deaths of two long time friends.
I finally became so overwhelmed trying to do Gary's taxes on my own that I melted down and called a highly recommended and reasonable tax man.  It was fortunate that when I became the fiduciary for Gary I asked them for every form they had that I may need but also informed them he had little to no money in his estate. But, by law they must be filed whether or not they can be paid.

The tax man was great, especially when he discovered I had all the necessary papers to complete the forms. All the receipts I had so carefully added and stapled were not needed after all.  Within 2 hours I left with everything done except for my signing them all and sending them off.  That was the last week of July and I am still waiting to hear what happens next as there is almost no money for the $5900 he owes them.

I am so out of order, hah!, my life is so out of order. Bear with me.  I was able to finally bury Gary and his daughter, Becky Mae together in the same plot as my father on June 24th. It was on overcast blustery day and as per Gary's firm wishes there was no graveside service. His other daughter, Cyndi was there with Becky's ashes and my daughter Melanie. It was peaceful and what he wanted.

Last week I was able to go to a local family owned monument company and select a headstone. Dad's is a little smaller but it was only for one soul. As Gary's had two I chose a larger, but not obtrusive,
headstone that could respectfully list   Gary (father) and Becky (daughter). I chose a pretty rose to be beside Becky's name and on the opposite side, a fish as Gary took his kids fishing whenever he could. I hope his family will approve. The most important thing is the feeling of accomplishment and peace that Gary must have given me when I made the final decision and paperwork. It was odd, the sense of his spirit around at certain times that are almost tangible. I think he's overseeing it all.  Soon, he can rest.  By the first week of October the headstone will be placed.

I've learned much from all of this and am in the process of further making me and my husband's wishes legally known and papers in safe keeping.

It Is 2:43 In The Morning..

It is 2:43 in the morning. I had such a busy, physical day I was sure I would sleep like a baby. Hah! Not so lucky tonight. My mind is refusing to shut down for a while. Some nights when sleep is hard to come by I think of one of my favorite songs (as music is my passion) and listen to it over and over until I fall asleep; sometimes I remember walking the streets of Japan or sitting with a fishing pole in my hand, lying on my back on the grass watching the clouds drift by. Quiet moment memories.

Nothing is working tonight. Somehow I got this post-it note on the inside of my brain listing all the things I have to do in a short period of time. Lists are for putting on the refrigerator door, in your journal or the table right by your keys. They are not for the brain. But this one slipped in.

I've taken a couple of weeks off since Gary died to regather myself and find where I left part of me when he died the end of February. I got complacent. He sits in my hall closet patiently waiting for me to get his family on the same page so I can get him buried. I wanted it to happen in June but today changed everything.

Being executor of what little he had I thought I had plenty of time to finish his papers, shredding and making a file for 2012 so I could do his taxes this fall. Not so fast. Today, the IRS finally made me his fiduciary which means I have access to his past and current taxes; it took 2 months and paperwork to get this far. I was told he never filed since 2009. Aw, gees, I wanted to cry. It was much effort to get all his drawers of papers together into years. In my optimistic mind, surely those years were done so I put them all in large envelopes and drawers without separating them into deductions and bank statements.I thought I would just be able to shred them once I talked to the IRS.

Well, heck, I can shred 2007-2008. That is better than nothing. The hard part is they said I need to have those 4 years of taxes done by July 15th. 6 weeks; 4 years of paperwork. No wonder I can't sleep tonight!!!  Gary, what were you thinking? But wait,

At the end of 2009 his health was beginning to have issues and by early 2010 he had a heart attack and a 4 way by-pass. By the latter part of that year he went to the emergency room with severe abdominal pain and sudden weight loss.  Hours later they determined he had late stage leukemia and lesions in his stomach.  They later retested and found it was not leukemia, it was full blow stage 4 lymphoma. Through out 2011 he had almost constant bouts of chemo and  tests and more chemo.
By 2012 in Feb, he called to meet with me to help him write his will and power of attorney. He then underwent a stem cell transplant that took 6 weeks in isolation in the hospital and 6 weeks recovery at home.

He then went back to driving bus, certain he had made it. His tests came back normal, he felt like himself. Then a couple of months later he noticed a lump and sudden nausea. The beast had returned.
They removed the lump and his cells were being quirky but no alarm. Until December of 2012.
Deja vu, he said. He knew something was wrong.

In January they took blood , CT scans and an MRI. Full blown stage 4 and it was in his bones and organs and he was dying. They gave him 2 options. With no chemo, he had 2-3 months to live but with chemo, he had 5-6 months. Gary was so afraid to die.

The third week in February he made up his mind to fight with all he had and decided to start a new regimen of chemo. He wanted those extra months.  The morning of Feb. 26 he went in for his first round. They injected Benadryl because he had a hard time with earlier sessions the previous year; then they injected the chemo.  Within moments he went into cardiac arrest. They all worked valiantly to bring him back to a pulse. Finally located, I raced to the hospital to tell them to stop. He did not want this. And just a few short minutes later, he died.

When could he have done his taxes? He was giving all he could just to live through those years. It's okay, Gary. I finally get it.  I will get them done and on time. I now have a better understanding of it all. You know, I almost feel you standing here at this moment. I have folded the list for the night. It is time to go to bed.