Old Habits

My lack of due diligence ( had to use that, all the politicians do) cost me today.The family came over to help get ready for the spring clean up and I let my common sense rest for the day. I had 4 pieces of Hawaiian Pineapple Pizza. I rationalized that chewing real slow would make it ok. Gees, I was wrong. I am paying dearly tonight and not a happy camper. It truly does take a lot of thinking to overcome old habits and start fresh. My mind tells me one thing but my hunger overrules. Totally, misery of my own making. I am sure some of you have been there. At least I hope I am not alone in the war.

We have a 1968 Mustang that has been sitting idle for just under 10 yrs. Today, at the prompting of our 8 yr old grandson we cleared off the leaves and merely put in a new battery. VROOM! It started on the first try. Andrew is now on Cloud 9 with excitement. We were all surprised. Built Ford Tough was just a commercial until today.

I realized my doctor had never sent me a copy of the swallow studies for my files so I stopped by and picked it up. Imagine my surprise when the first line read, "Initial imaging demonstrates multilevel degenerative changes of the cervical spine."  I just thought I had a creaky neck that was a little more difficult to turn and look behind my left and right side. The right stops early and I can't look back. I crackle like gravel some days but never gave it thought. Now, I accidentally discover my cervical spine is degenerating. Beats me why neither the swallow technician or my primary care doctor thought to tell me of that little tidbit as I've since learned that caution should be exercised to avoid neurological damage or paralysis.  I will ponder this some other day. This is not the day.

I learned today that my daughter, her husband and 2 children will be moving in with us sometime this summer or early fall. They live on a horribly dangerous street. This way they can also save some money to put down on a larger home as their's was quite small. It will be a test of patience for everyone. We love each other more than I could say but quarters will be tight. The basement has 2 bedrooms, one with a bath and tub/shower. The other just a small closet but a toilet in the small laundry room. Then they'll have a long space for a gas stove, sink and some shelves and drawers. The other half will be a frontroom with the couch, chairs and tv. Their own private entrance into their living quarters. I want them to feel it is "their" place. It will help them financially and help me as I get so lonely and have missed having them here since they moved out in about 2005 or 2006. Melanie worries about my health and being alone so often. God will help us. The home will be filled with love.

Peace and Joy..

Friends

True friends, friends, friendships and acquaintances. They are each different in many ways, important ways, but in this high tech, hurry-up, me first world we don't pay it much attention until we get smacked in the forehead. Pow. Something said or done suddenly stops you in your tracks. Literally stops you, makes you think hard. Up becomes down. You collect your thoughts and realize that your definition was not the same. Someone you thought was a true friend, was not. Or an acquaintance says things to imply more of a friendship than you are comfortable with... you see what I mean? We are so rushed to abbreviate our words and our time that we are actually abbreviating our feelings as well.

I finally felt the smack in the forehead. I now have to adjust my feelings about it so I can let it go.  In a few months time I have transitioned from having what I felt was a true friend, to a friend. Now, it's time to accept that the friend is a friendship and be content with that. The world has been tumbling, in need of repair and as troubles confound us we have stronger needs to reach out to someone. Never stop reaching out, there's always someone there but not always to the depth you want them.  A professor lectured at the Univ.of Utah many years ago that if you can count how many "true" friends you have on more than "one" hand, you need to reanalyze what a "true" friend is.

Mirrors

I have had it up to here with mirrors today. Dreadful. I don't ask for the truth when I look, I just want to see. I want to put the make-up on, comb the hair, confirm the attire is in place. I don't want to see a wrinkle that showed up overnight, a cowlick or snug pants.

However, just days ago someone thought I was my daughter's sister. You see? You can find the right balance to a negative thought. It just took me a little extra time tonight.

A Figure 8 Day

Today has been a Figure 8 day, lots of left and rights and no straight aways. First, this Vita Mix juicer may put me over the edge. The Channel Flipper, my husband, finally got it out of the box and began to experiment without a lot of help from the recipe book. He threw in some red onion... just because he could. That was this morning. I don't know what he did but late tonight the house still smells like red onion. 

Work went well with only a couple of miscues. I walked up and typed in my team member number without even thinking (got on the bike) and began ringing up the lunch crowd. Several actually asked me where I had been but I spared them the details (peddling). Then came the lady who always starts to eat her lunch in line; remember I am starving to spare my stomach til I get home. Her choice today was sushi and the smell of the fish was as strong as the fish farm in Park City; she had a piece of something in the corner of her mouth and stuck out her tongue to whip it back in.. (crashed). I didn't barf. I don't know why because there was never a better justification... but I persevered. (No blood trail.) I call that success.   That was the only hiccup and I am not at all worried about Thursday.

Went to Barry's viewing tonight but said goodbye a room away. For many years and many reasons but for a few exceptions, I say goodbye a room away. I believe that the deceased soul is in the room and understands. Even when my mom died just before my 18th birthday I did not look in the casket. Oh, some people were aggravated with me, called me disrespectful, but I knew where mom was and it wasn't in there. But she was in the room.  There's nothing wrong with saying goodbye a room away.

Back To Work Jitters

To say I am nervous about going back to work tomorrow after 3 months medical leave is an understatement. I know it's like falling off a bike, but I was never very good on a bicycle. In fact, my last time riding a bike was my senior year in high school. I still have the 2" scar on my ankle. I left a trail of blood on the street, up the driveway and to the back door that looked right out of a movie.

Back to the job. My stomach is still awful so I can't eat before work.I am thinking Gatorade at the check stand and some Teddy Grahams in my pocket.There's going to be a new team leader that I've never worked with before and I just learned they forgot to brief her on my medical leave, hand injury and need for the Express Lane only.Wow, it sounds like I am quite the pickle, but I am a good hard worker and worth the effort. I just paid myself a compliment, that rarely happens so I won't delete it.
I have self-esteem issues; I think everyone has, whether they have too much or too little.

It "Was" A Beautiful Day

It is hard to appreciate the blue of the sky when emotional clouds come your way.

This morning I learned a  high school classmate, Barry, had suddenly passed away. He was involved in a serious motorcycle accident in the middle of last year and was poked full of rods and screws. A member of the band and acting class in school he was one of the few to actually fulfill his dream of being on stage and participated in many big, State productions, including "The Phantom of the Opera".
Just weeks ago he reported his improvements and mobility; of course, anxious to get back on his motorcycle.  Just 5 days ago he was accepting friends on Face book. Then he suffered a freak fall and died. Like that, a sudden end to what was a beginning. Just a close of the eyes and I see him like yesterday standing on the stage we shared our Senior Year...He played my father and I was Alice Sycamore in "You Can't Take It With You".  His final curtain call too soon.

15 minutes ago my grandson called. "Grandma, I have something to tell you." "What is that, honey?" "Slurpee is dead." Slurpee was their pet guinea pig, but ownership belonged to my granddaughter. 
"I am so sorry, what happened? "I don't think he got enough Vitamin C. and Abby is crying. I wanted you to know.I have to go help take care of business." Aged 8 and 10, this is their first close taste of loss of a loved one.