Hummingbird

Saw our first hummingbird...shimmering green with a white throat outlined in black. The season has begun. We love every morning and evening watching them come in to feed and fend off intruders. It delights us more every year.I want to see if National Geographic has a book after their documentary about the Hummingbirds. It was fantastic! They said many of the birds are no longer just staying in the same places.. some are migrating to other parts of the US and the world at large. It still amazes me that their eggs are the size of a Tic Tac.

It may be hard to understand but when I was on radio I was my completely true self. I would come to work with a horrible cold, sinuses or pneumonia a couple of times but the moment I turned the mike on I was mostly healthy. If the listeners heard a sniffle I would get calls for remedies. If I said I got sunburned they called in with cures. I was not afraid of anyone, even though in talking politics the conversations could get very heated. I felt safe, in control and sure of myself.  But then, the show would end and by the drive home I was my same old insecure, scared of the dark, strangers and bogeymen. I can't explain the protection that mike gave me. There are stories out there of what some hosts go through with unstable listeners - from being stalked, threatening letters and obsessive behavior to get your attention.  I do want to try doing it from home but still have people to meet with and see if a podcast is reasonable and inexpensive.

This N That

Today at work was a big reminder of why I fear people.Let me premise that because of a freak injury to my right hand thumb joint which was destroyed by a falling large, glass bottle of Olive Oil, I am delegated to the Express Lane: Can't work over 3 hrs tops. Can't lift anything over 5 lbs but I have to a few times a shift. First 2 hrs most sales are for lunch or quick  first aid, hair color or a Wedding Gift, etc.Very few heavy things come through.. but inevitably some do and I make do how I can.  If I were in a regular lane there'd be carts chuck full of cans, large and small, too many things I can't lift. My joint rubs bone against bone and (hurts badly) but I've learned little tricks to using the left hand or guiding things across the palm of my hand and saving the thumb whenever possible.

I was told by 2 cashier team leaders that I am one of the quickest cashiers on the Express Lane so I consider that I huge accomplishment since most of the time is painful and I am able to keep that away from the guests. I make it a goal to make it almost impossible to know I am hurting.  Sometime this fall, I hope the company will allow the surgery. Right now, I may need a cortisone shot to get me thru the summer rush. Want to be healing by Christmas rush.  Have I said how wonderful Target has been to me? I will say it again. They never make me feel like an imposition and go out of their way to keep up my morale. I know sometimes they see I need to squeeze my joint and shake the pain out but I try to hide it.

Sorry, a bit chatty tonight. Lots and lots on my mind. My son in law has to have major surgery on a hernia they missed after surgery for diverticulitis that is on the verge of strangulating... and are performing exploratory to make certain they didn't miss more. We are lucky he is alive. Everything burst during the surgery but their quick thinking and fast action saved his life.

So work of them moving in has slowed a bit as the surgery is next week and we don't want him making things worse before them. He has all summer and needs to slow down. He doesn't take uppers or have ADD, he just is always anxious and like to keep moving and working. It is a chose trying to get him to slow down. Love him. Melanie married well as he is such a gentleman and respectful to us for over 10 yrs now. All in good time. Slow down, get well and all will happen in it's own time.

Well, everything I just wrote went poof! into another dimension. Sorry. Took a while to write, too.

It was just a diatribe about the continued extreme pain from the extraction... Tylenol may as well be plain drinking water. BUT, I am on my way to getting better, being able to chew real good and not always afraid to choke, even though I keep choking.  I t does make life interesting.  ;)

It Was A Tender Mending

It was tender mending. The tooth had been so beat up the past few months that it will take a little longer to heal. The bad news... isn't there always something?  is I need a root canal next Wednesday. They took xrays today and found things they need to take care of. We've spent a year on one extraction that went bad and ended up taking a 2nd tooth so they haven't really checked the rest of me out. One additional root canal may happen in a month, That is ok. By the time they are finally done I may be able to chew steak. Soooo grateful these are far back teeth.

My swallowing and eating is being cruel tonight. I am starving. But I guess that is what the doctor wants. Hah! We definitely need to revisit that issue. I need to buy some protein powder to add to the drinks my husband is making but all I see are flavors. Vanilla, chocolate... is there a "no taste"?  The drinks may be my safest bet in getting some sort of nutrition.  The challenge continues. Anyone with some advice, please leave a comment. I am all ears.. and could use some help.

DARK MOOD

I don't like the mood I am in tonight, it is foreign, oppressive and I need to bid it adieu. For all of the life I can remember, and believe me, the childhood is best forgotten but not, I see the light at the end, bruise with the bumps in the road and adjust my path to unpleasant forks in the road.  It is something I am quietly proud of and try to share with others when they are despairing in some way. You are not a victim, you are a survivor. Every pain or fall allows you to appreciate feeling well and achieving. It is you who decides your spiritual aura, your center of comfort.

Tonight, I didn't listen to the small voice and made poor choices. It seemed to open up bad thoughts and I found myself beginning  to falter and weep for myself when I should be rejoicing. Keep the doors in your mind closed that hold fears and temptations, pity and helplessness. If they open, it is up to you to shut and lock them. Perhaps one day, you will want to visit them, but only when you need to weep or share the fears. It is astounding how powerfully strong bad feelings can be. It takes an even stronger spirit, soul to cause them to retreat to a place away; far from your joy.
Sharing this tonight has already calmed my troubled mood.

Tender Mendings

I've been too tired the past couple of days to put my thoughts  onto the blog.


Tomorrow is the return visit to the dentist for a follow up on the extraction. I followed all the rules but they think I have a dry socket. Lovely. But, I am holding out for just a very tender mending.  It's not such a bad thing, holding our for tender mendings....

Cat Worry

Spring Clean-up trucks are coming by early in the morning so yesterday was a long yard work day..getting ready for the kids to move in made for a lot in the house to go as well. Perfect day for it though..mid 50's and nice breeze.  Today was on the lower 60's. We spent nearly all our energy yesterday and moved like snails but still got things done.

I am now at a stalemate over books. There is a pile to box & store, one to donate and one to keep. I have moved books from pile to pile, causing the donate pile to shrink. You have to know when to stop and go on to something different while that part of your overworked brain recuperates.

If you went back far enough I am pretty sure I told you about Bella. She is a gorgeous, sleek, black Bombay cat with gold eyes. I got her from the pound over a year ago when she was about 7-8 weeks old. After a couple of weeks my allergies went off the chart and by good fortune my daughter adopted her. So she is still in the family. However, the hunter in her came out, the love of outdoors and stalking prey.She brought in 3 birds, 2 snakes and a mouse and almost never uses her cat box because she is outside most of the time. DILEMMA: She is coming back to live here and we don't have a doggie door (yet, anyway)and I am more afraid of her getting hit or attacked by a couple of wild cats that come around.  I am not worried about the allergies so much because as a kitten she would jump on me, scratch and try to lay on my neck or shoulders... now, she is queen of her castle and only schmoozes at bedtime or when hungry. So why am I worrying over this? I don't know either. Everyone else is certain she will be just fine and make herself right at home. Ok, then. But I still feel the need to worry.