I Choose To Feel Special

I can't believe it is February. I have been here, life has been moving along and yet somehow, I got neutral and fogged in my duties to blog. It is actually a good thing because things have been quite normal. We are again sharing coughs, sneezes and sore throats. Which I am blaming a lot on the very bad air quality we've had for weeks. One day, Salt Lake was rated No. 1 for having the worst air quality in the country. That's nice. That's not something we want to be No. 1 for.

An update on my legs and my Christmas Miracle. Remember I told you I still had some discomfort but nothing like the crippling, excruciating pain of Nov and Dec?  The past 2 weeks I noticed that the pain and tightening in my calves and upper thighs was returning more day by day.Around Jan.26 I arose and noticed the pain was rapidly increasing and by last Tuesday I could barely get up or lift my legs. (However,very painful... NOT the overwhelming pain of before).  My neighbor is a recently retired nurse who saw me get out of my car and wince to the door. We talked and the phone and she convinced me to call the doctor immediately. So, the current story is I am now also off my cholesterol medicine which for 11 yrs was Lipitor and the last 6 months, Pravachol. Apparently, between the Zetia and Pravachol, Lipitor, all statins... my muscles were straining to a point of rupturing.

I meet with the doctor this Wednesday to see where to go next for my high cholesterol and triglycerides. Not only that, I can no longer afford my insulin. Obamacare has scared the drug companies into cutting back on samples for doctors. The insulin would cost me $228 about every 4 weeks and I do not have the money. I am scared. Serious dieting must happen... but what will he suggest when I have Diabetes, Crohn's Disease, Gastroparesis, High Cholesterol and the diets contradict each other?

I am praying the Lord will bless the doctor with wisdom and help for me. Without my chol. meds I fear every day of stroke or heart attack. It is so much to think about and I could easily fall into a mental blob of pity and severe anxiety or anger wondering why.

I choose to feel special, to feel that God had a better purpose for me on this earth and perhaps I had to see these challenges to reach the stage I can be of a greater service to Him. God is not cruel or vengeful and surely I must have been a good candidate in the pre-existence and I hope to not let Him down.

Anytime I spend looking back and feeling sad, distracts and takes away time I need now to move forward in taking the next steps.