The Sense

Melanie is getting used to this. I don't know what to call it; perhaps it has no name. For many, many years I've had the unusual experience of knowing when something very bad is about to happen to someone I know. I don't often know who it will happen to, but certain it is about to occur. It is a consuming heaviness in my heart, the sense of impending doom, the knowledge that tragedy or great sorrow is quickening. I find it hard to concentrate as my mind is dissecting everything occurring with everyone I know, quietly, but waiting, always fearful it will be one of my family or dear friends.  I am not even sure when these feeling first came to me, at least 30 years ago or more.

Of course in writing this, it is looking back so I don't blame the skeptics. It was about 3 weeks ago I mentioned casually to Melanie that I was having one of those feelings of doom and loss. We both dismissed it... verbally, but mentally I knew the sensation and it is wrong a small percentage of the time.

A couple of weeks later, Bill had his severe breathing episode and fever and was rushed to the hospital where he remains until his surgery on Tuesday. (We are all praying feverishly it will go well and the infection surrounding the defibrillator will clear along with the infection in his heart enough for a safe implant of a pacemaker in 6 weeks.. 6 weeks with nothing to keep his heart beating as it should),but as lest he'll be in a facility that has folks who can take care of him in case of crisis.

Then last night a neighbor of 30+ years was sent home after 2 frightening weeks in ICU for a heart attack, but safe, successful implant of a pacemaker. He was happy and planning a trip they'd had to postpone due to the heart attack. Family all came over last night and rejoiced in the success and his quick, strong recovery and loved and hugged him with much gratitude. For whatever reason, this morning he passed away at home.

Yesterday, a close and sweet client of our for several years lost her father who we also had worked with and Dan sat with a number of times as this once brilliant, giving man would talk nonsense and make quizzical comments with laughter and Dan would laugh with him as if it all was well. A good man who loved his daughter, Tami, with his whole heart and adored her. She is lost in grief.

Please, dear Lord, let this three be the last for a long time. So much comfort is needed and as my sense of doom has lifted I beg for a lengthy reprieve.