A Day Running

A day running all over the valley with my daughter and grand kids in their new "used"car was refreshing. They bought a 2002 Nissan Infinity; it had a terrific, proud owner before with the condition it was in.  Me and my 2003 Chevy Cavalier appreciate it's power and (5 air bags)! Despite all the insane drivers today, I felt pretty darn safe. 

NASCAR was great again tonight, but especially because Tony Stewart won. I am the only one in the family who watches it but I think that my grandson will come round. He turns 9 in a few weeks and is totally consumed with automobiles.

Oh, my body is telling me to call it a night. It is generally right. 

Days have flown

Wow, the past few days have flown by with lightening speed! Life's bumps and pot holes has sent us all in different directions. Family needing me for help tending, doctors, work, fighting City Hall, etc. has all hit at once. I think tomorrow will return to my abnormal normal.  Funny, but I seem to prefer  challenges and adventures to the mundane.

Next week I am putting in for adding one more shift a week. Money is too tight but I am definitely not ready for 4 days yet.  It is hard as my stomach is so bad I cannot each but a couple of saltines before I go to work and sip on Gatorade to get me by. I haven't given up that one day we will have all the dieting, medicating and tests come together with what will help my life be less painful, stressful and costly.  I am a believer.

Today my daughter said their plan is to be completely moved into the basement by Sept. 1. It is funny how well the grand kids are taking it... almost like an adventurous vacation. Melanie says she'll feel better for one thing, being here to help when I am extra sick. Dan isn't good at helping; he tends to take off the worse I get. Stresses him too much. Plus they'll pay a small rent which will help for our slow down in work. Plus, my stress will drop tons having life back in the house. I am so lonely at night as Dan goes to bed between 7-8 pm most nights but is up super early. Face book saves me, but for the nights everyone goes quiet.

Hands are hurting and I think I am now rambling.

Stress, Pills & Wrongful Assumptions

I need to breathe deep; in and out, slowly, to calm my racing heart. Lately, the slightest argument or drama sends my heart into pain and rapid heartbeat.. being that I have some plaque and a murmer i must not let my emotions put me into a danger zone. I've been through more than one blood clot in the lungs at a t ime in 1985. My doctor said, you now know what a heart attack feels like. Basically, it is a sharp pain the goes through and through - from the front to the rear of your chest or vise versa. It it is, in a way, like an arrow shot through you. Similar to severe heartburn or chest gas pain, but goes all the way through and every breath is painful.  Tonight I thought it was my time... but just major stress that i was able to talk myself down out of. Things you learn after time. Take a long breath in, count to 10 and release it slowly. It immediately slows your heartbeat.

I have , honestly, 2 doctors occasionally prescribe Lortab for me. My primary care, after my doctor of over 24 years quit with 2 wks notice (thanks Obamacare) was kind but took me immediately from a 15 yrs scribe of 1 tab 3 x a day to 1 tab 2 x a day. It was hard at first and I honestly have to deal with a b it more pain than when on 3 but was fine with it. Then came the one after another dental mistake that for the past 19 months has kept me in great pain. If I took  lortab in the daytime I would run out too soon and I couldn't get them refilled. I told my dentist so he would prescribe me just 15.. to be able to take during the day without shorting me the 2 a day I needed badly. Out of nowhere today a "third" party said it was too soon and I had to wait til 7/16. If it weren't for the look the Target pharmacy employee (known for pissiness) threw my way in disgust I would have been fine with it. She and I will talk first thing I get to work to morrow. (She is notorious for attitude and gossip) It best be she has not expressed any opinion without knowing the story to anyone I work with.  THe situation is odd but the dentist and my primary know exactly how it is going. GRRRRR, do people ever stop judging without knowing the details? Well, there you go, my peeve for the day.

My mother was addicted to Darvon for years (I learned after her death) and that is how she killed herself. My grandmother and grandfather on her side became addicted to Demerol and traveled the state of Utah forging prescriptions and begging doctors for prescriptions. I know far too well, the horrors of addiction and double, triple my knowledge of what I take, how to take them and avoid the smallest risk. I don't generally get offended when questioned now and then but today, with that "are you a druggie?" look, I definitely was offended.

To those of you who truly abuse the medications for self numbing and satisfaction, those of you who ask for them to sell and make money, those of you so badly addicted you need professional intervention I pray for your day of realization and reform.