Wow, I am behind on blogging. This getting out of the shell and moving forward is all good and fine until it gets to be too much. I need to pace what I am doing and where. My other blog site, Kathy-SimplyMe, is new and mostly poetry and short stories from life. I am having thoughts of someway to combine them.
This blog is a way for me to speak my mind and talk about things happening that I don't really tell other people, just you.
See, just talking to you I have made up my mind to keep this one just for these moments..
Thanks for being there.

I'm removing the duct tape that has wrapped my thoughts, my words, my adventures. What a genius, this inventor of duct tape. How could he have ever imagined the heights to which it would be taken? And it seems, everyday more ways to use it come forth. Today, after many, many years I choose to gingerly remove them and toss them into the bin of no return.Time to share..(gulp).
Since 7th grade when I began to rapidly grow tall I also developed the unique and uncontrollable episodes of clumsiness, trips, missteps, drops and breaks, gullibility and the start of my life's misadventures.
Though life has been difficult at times and you know a little of my health and distractions it is time to tell you of the real Kathy in her myriad of adventures and one day, God grant me the time and ability, to write what I've learned; and lived through so much it would be selfish not to share the ups and downs but so much laughter and joy and how so often I've landed on my feet..and my butt; but I always got up.
As you can see I am slowly getting braver on the blog and finding the who and why and how of me .
Read what you will...into it or from it.. but know this, It Is All True! I hope you will enjoy sharing my life of today and memories of yesterday...I Love Lucy had nothing on me. That's the truth!

Holy Crap! I can't believe how long it has been and all that has happened. Here's an abbreviation... I did not go to the reunion as I said BUT......the night before that I met with some of my high school friends at a local restaurant called HOPPER'S and we ate dinner and had a wonderful time...the next day after the reunion my husband and I met up with them at a bar called DAVID'S. Get this, THEN, the next afternoon we all met up Big Cottonwood Canyon and ate lunch at The Silver Fork Lodge and chatted up a storm. We all enjoyed it so much that we plan to get together more often and keep fresh the new bond we all formed. I have no regrets in passing up the reunion. I am so happy to have this. It was a dream weekend and will always be a happy memory.
The very next morning I had my gallbladder removed and made a speedy recovery. I am having some infections but nothing too serious. Two weeks ago my son in law Bob had to have a troubling hernia removed that they missed when they did the last colon surgery but he is mending well. We are certainly having our share this year. Abby has been stricken with her 2nd bout of Strep in 2 wks and 3rd sore throat in 3 wks. We are pretty certain her tonsils are going to have to come out..so far it hasn't triggered an asthma attack.
I am trying to hide my great fear of the H1N1 virus... not for me because I am in the safer range but for my family.. my 2 grandchildren had the rsv virus at 6 months and get sick quite easily. They've already had their flu shots but gosh, this scares me. The public will once again become alarmed when the cases start to shoot upwards. They've become complacent since the initial fears eased up.
Hopefully going to lunch again at HOPPERS this coming Wed with the high school gang. With Crohn's Disease you have no idea in advance if you can go anywhere or not but I am planning on it.
Have decided that I must give up my kitten, Bella. I don't know if it is because she is a Bombay or what but her wildness is difficult. She's beautiful and loving but gets pretty aggressive at times. I love her but it will be easier to give her up now than wait til I am too attached. Losing Pepper about did me in but that was different. Bella is such a beauty. This is such a hard decision..really, hard.

I went sailing.. I went sailing on The Great Salt Lake with my good friends from high school, Dave and Janet. Dave owns the boat, Wind Poet and I have not had such fun in a long time. I have never sailed and have never been out on the Great Salt Lake. The weather and waves were perfect. We talked forever about life 40 years ago and life today. In fact, some of us will be getting together again. But, I am still not going to the reunion. That would be too hard. I now know for certain I have to have gall bladder surgery on 8/24 and even tho the reunion is the 22nd my health isn't up to a day of food I can't eat, being in pain, tension and there are several people I want to live the rest of my life without seeing again. Mostly, as things are, I get sick on a dime and don't want to be a bother. I wish so badly I felt better..the timing just sucks. On a happier note, I hear a lot that having this will help me feel much better and I can get back to living more actively. That I'm excited for.

My daughter has eye surgery coming up soon. She has had lazy eyes since she was about 3 and she learned to control them but the muscles never fully strengthened. Now, as she is getting older her eyes get more tired from the work and stray so they are going to clip and tighten the muscles. It will take some time for her to get used to seeing without forcing her eyes to stay inward. Her dr. says she'll be off kilter a bit and we are joking each other about different things that could happen.
Bob, now also needs more surgery.. after the diverticulitis, he now has a hernia right there that the dr. missed on the initial xray. Boy, we are really having a bumpy patch, but on our way out. :)

What a week. Andrew turned 6 on Thurs and had his Transformer Birthday party on Saturday. He's been counting the days for 3 months. Being 6 is a real big deal for him. He's a sweetheart.
I am so excited! Tomorrow afternoon I get to go sailing on The Great Salt Lake for the first time in my life. An old high school friend has a sailboat and has offered myself and another classmate to join him tomorrow. I am scared, nervous, happy, on-air. We haven't seen each other in 40 yrs so it will be quite the adventure.
It is now or never for me I fear. But I want to build good memories. Mark (Dave) was such a good friend in school and it will be great to reminisce.
Wed. morning I go to the hospital early for the nuclear xray (Hide A Scan) to learn whether the gall bladder is working at the proper capacity and determine if the polyp and/or gallbladder needs to come out. Our fear is that with the cancer and chemo pills my immune system is so low that the chance of infection is of concern. Let's pray for the best. If it is any less, then we will face it with the same smile and optimism. Humor and joy, always the answer.

Recuperating from 2 mini-vacations. Took my daughter and grandkids for a drive Thursday. We drove up Parleys Canyon to Park City and walked along Main St. Then across the meadows and east to Heber City for a park lunch and down Provo Canyon to home. The kids have never been up the canyon and couldn't see enough. Boy, if they only knew what it was like just 15 yrs ago. Where meadows and farmlands, fishing streams and pioneer trails were are now subdivisions, homes on tops of every mtn around, roadside ads. Society is encroaching everywhere. It used to be impossible to get permits to build in these protected areas but sadly, money and power can get you what you want.
Anyway, yesterday was a ball. We decided on another road trip and drove over to the Oquirrh Mts and up the mountain to the Kennecott Copper Mine. I'm terrified of heights but once acclimated to the depth of the pit I gradually was able to walk to the fence and look over...TIGHTLY clinging to the safety bars. I can't remember if it's the largest or 2nd largest open pit copper mine in the world. Until you see it up close you just cant comprehend the massive expanse of it! It is a must see if you live here...and the tourists yesterday seemed from all over the world. The kids looked
to enjoy it so much we are going again real soon with PB&J sandwiches so we can take our time.
It is easy to overlook the wonderful sites we have here when they are so close. We are planning to take more mini excursions as my health is allowing. Everyday is a blessing, with family around me.
Here's to mini-excursions! :)

Good late evening! I am going thru many blood tests and ultrasounds. My doctor since 1975 has promised to get me well or managed to a point I can get back so much I've been missing. I believe it best to trust him. So as the results come in.. you lucky devils will be the first to know.
It's been a trying 2 weeks for my husband and I. First he found that his very best friend has inoperable stomach cancer and a few months to live, then last week one of my dearest friends from my radio station called from a local hospital. She snapped a bone in her hip & when they xrayed her at the ER they saw an abnormality. She has bone cancer through-out her body that has spread to her lungs. They gave her 6 months. 5 days ago we had a good conversation and we pray for a miracle. Tonight I called her and she could barely speak, because of her lungs and pain. Her life expectancy has lessened. It is happening so fast I can't wrap my brain around it. This year's garden was her best, she has so many plans. We lost 4 plumbing customers and 1 friend. All in 2 weeks. Our hearts are heavy and I will truly be lost with out my dear Rhonda Leigh. She is the one I call crying, pouring my heart out, I call laughing about nonsense, talking radio and making fun of hosts, sharing secrets. Selfishly, I will be lost without her. Not an ounce of shyness with her. Praying for miracles my friend. I love you.

As my old high school friends have been meeting up on Face book life has become more fun for me. I don't feel as isolated and shy. Mostly my friends were neighbors or a few ward members and I had little at all to say. Now my best lost friend Dave (Mark) from high school found me on Classmates a few weeks ago and my life is changing for the better." If you could read my mind now, what a tale my thoughts could tell. Just like a paperback novel, the kinds the drugstores sell"~Jim Croce. Other friends are joining up and like a jigsaw puzzle we are coming together around this Face book Table slowly chatting, sharing and becoming those characters we lived and loved in spite of the grownup characters we have become.
Of course with high school there are those who treated you unkindly, cut you out of their "clicks" and some who would not even look you in the face between classes.They judged your status or station without even trying to learn who you were. Some of these have now shown up and will on yours, Just remember to hold your head high and enjoy the true friendships you had and now found again.
Let yourself enjoy these simple pleasures.

Hi.Not enough time in the day today. Had to run errands for my granddaughter's birthday party and baptism family get-together later tomorrow. In the middle I had to stop and have my narrow-band light therapy. Unfortunately the new girl punched in the wrong length of time and I burned pretty good all 360 degrees of me. Yes, a tad uncomfortable in clothes tonight. As usual when this happens I will suffer a lot tomorrow but kazam! the pain dies after about 24-36 hrs.



Thinking about politics again. There is a gentleman who is our state Attorney General ( he adores the spotlight and photo-ops of his own making) and he recently decided to run for State Senate against our quite old Bob Bennett. I used to talk to Bob when I was on radio. He is so tall and skinny I always imagined a long walking-stick as he pulled himself out of the chair. Until recently I felt he had been in too long,, still do but I am having some uncomfortable doubts about the AG Mark Shurtleff. I watch him closely and he has already begun a somewhat braggart campaign on Twitter and Facebook. His persona is changing, his arrogance that was once a little complimentary is becoming distracting.
At this moment, I would vote for Jason Chaffetz over Mark...Heaven forbid, maybe even for Bob over Mark. I want to feel I can trust whomever it is. Utah is in dire need to have fresh, KNOWLEDGEABLE, honest and constituent-obligated people in Washington DC.I do my own thinking & don't need a party to tell me what to do. I vote for the person and the issue. Only people who can't think for themselves vote straight party line. It breeds hate with no room for compromise.
Anyway, I have a big decision coming up shortly that could cause me pain or great joy. It could cause a blow to my self-esteem or it could give me memories and laughter . School reunion...the dreaded occasion of seeing those who teased or ignored you amongst those you loved and have never forgotten. Trying to work things out with my dearest of old friends that won't be so difficult. Praying a lot for the right thing. Afraid I am already frustrating my friends. But if I meet them I want it fun, perfect and something to always remember with joy.

The results are finally in... no cirhossis or malignancy in the liver but there is inflammation. My doctor for the Lyp says it is not severe enough to interfere with the methotrexate and to keep taking them. As much as I fear the toxins in the drug I know how much they have helped me since I was first diagnosed with this disease. It makes you a hermit, fearful of stares and cruel words. The light treatments every week and the pills have cured the outside of me to where I'm not as afraid to go out. I used to have pale light skin, then pale skin that started to get small sores and rashes, then tanned skin with lots of freckles and far less noticeable spots. It took 10 years to get to this point and the thought of it all coming back put me into a very dark place. There is no cure, I will die with it, hopefully not from it.It is an extremely rare skin cancer that is a form of Lymphoma... not Melanoma. Only 1 in 1.9 million people get this. At anytime it could turn into full blown Lymphoma but then anyone at anytime could get full blown Lymphoma.
Now, my internist needs to find out what's causing the inflammation internally, its not just the liver but I have far less fear of this. The fact I can now finally give myself Insulin for Diabetes is a huge feat for me. Other issues become just a part of life that you accept and thank God that things are not worse and pray for those whose life is. We all have challenges at one time or another. It is how we choose to deal with them that is important. This was my hardest post so far.

I am down to 5 marigolds. Neighbors have 3 new gopher holes..we think that makes 18 now. The constant rain has diminished the other 15 but they are there. I've spent too much money; let Sandy Ordinance come out and issue them yet another advisory to keep up their yard. They have 2 wks & then the City does it and charges them. Yet they always wait for 13 days and use a weed whacker to chop the 3 ft weeds on their lawn they never water and wait til they get summoned again. It makes me sad. I work so hard for my yard and since they moved in I cant keep up with t he dandelions, gophers and ugly site. Those plastic fences are great but expensive. OH well, will just keep working on it.
My last foster mother I called Aunt Alberta kept me from the age of 12 1/2 until I married at 20 and we remained as close as a mother and daughter. She passed away in 2004 at 93 and sharp as ever. She was from New Ulm, Minn, German heritage and a good cook. I've decided to start typing
her recipes every few days or so. Some are German, some are just darn good. Some have those famous Mormon recipes that are fabulous comfort food as well as good for sharing with your neighbors or families on get-togethers.
See, I am taking positive steps to get out of my shell. I will have a link for my writing blog soon also. I am doing the dream, if only for me.

I had such a good birthday. My daughter and granddaughter took me out to garage sales most of the day, finding gadgets and trinkets..mostly, we thoroughly enjoyed the pleasure of our company. Husband was in Idaho so the kids took me out to dinner..and I came home to 3 balloons , a bag of candy and a bar of Lilac soap. The day ended with Facebook, Twitter and mellow reflections.



Today is just a quiet day. After watching NASCAR I have spent time puttering at various chores in a futile attempt to ward off the worry of tomorrows biopsy results. My heart has been broken enough times that trusting it doesn't come easy and yet it is telling me I will be okay. There I go again... whoosh.. negative thoughts be gone!

Oh my. Things have been nuts but that is my life. June 23rd I had a liver biopsy and am still waiting for the results. The radiologist said it was dense but that was all he could say. It could be from fatty tissue, diabetes or fibers. We don't want it to be fibers as that would mean I may need a new liver down the road.. but I won't let my brain wrap around that.

The marigold mystery is on. I was told marigolds distract aphids and gophers so I got a flat of them and planted them between my property and nextdoor neighbors who don't do yardwork at all and had 15 gopher holes last fall. We have lost 3/4 of the flowers to the gophers now so we are trying everything we can.

I really need to commit to another blog where I write what I have written. Actually a lot depends on the results of that darn biopsy. I am on hold in bizarro world.

I have been slacking again.. but only because a busy life has interfered. My new kitten, Bella, is a Bombay they tell me. She has short sleek, non shedding hair with gold (seriously) eyes. She was bottle fed so is very affectionate and finds my shoulder and under my neck her favorite places to snooze. So far she is my miracle kitten.
My dr. decided to decrease my methotrexate to see what happens. It has been two weeks now and I am having more breakouts, allergy attacks, so I have to call him. They still haven't scheduled the livery biopsy so I have to call in the am. If it is ok, hopefully I can resume my normal dosage. .
Have you heard of the card game "Screw Your Neighbor"? It is so fun. The weird things is my 8 yr old granddaughter has been wooping us 3 out of 4 games. It's a real fun game and if any of you are interested just ask as it is super simple to learn.
Sorry this is short. It is late at night. Life has been mild lately.

I have my granddaughter sleeping over tonight. She'll turn 8 in July. When I see her lately and all the changes I keep thinking of the Mike Douglas song (aging myself here) "Turn Around" " Where are you going, my little one, little one, where are you going my baby my own. Turn around and you're one, turn around and you're grown, turn around and you're a young girl going out on your own.".. I must find that song to download. Used to have the 45 record (aging again, lol). I just remembered another song I miss that I played over and over: "Dreams of the Everyday Housewife" sung by Glen Campbell. Ha, misty-eyed I am. There are certain things that have no place staying in the past...things that made you smile, feel safe, laugh outloud, your heart race and take your breath away are but a few. Your present is greatly a result of what your past was, your temperment or lack of, your tolerance or lack of, your fears or lack of fear, the words you heard or did not hear..So many parents still don't get it. They are so self-absorbed and waste the grand opportunity they have to help create a better world.

Didn't mean for so much time to go by. It is not that I haven't had anything to say but that I have had too much going on to say it. Now that made no sense. Oh well, such is who I am. Bob is doing well and soon back to work. Tomorrow I have to schedule a liver biopsy for how long I have been taking Methotrexate as it is a toxin and harmful to the liver. Blood tests can only tell you so much; only a biopsy can show if you have no fibers or disease. Fun, huh? It's been 10 yrs on the stuff so doctors say it is time.
I have agoraphobia (thank you early foster homes) and it can be limiting but gratefully I don't have it severe. Now, if you put me (sole adult) in a room with more than 2 children at a time I can guarantee you I will have a panic attack and back into the corner. I go long ways around in a grocery store to avoid aisles that have more than 2 carts on them and can't wait in the middle of a line. Well, I can but my heart races and I get shakey. Some people cannot even go out to shop. Unless you have it or know someone who does it is difficult to be empathetic. Anyway, that is one of my phobias. Enough revelation for now. :)
I am looking into doing some podcasts. I really miss doing my radio talk show... will keep you updated on that. Thanks Roscoe for your advise.

Bob is doing better today but lots of pain. Hopefully he can come home Thursday. Since there were complications they want to be certain there are no infections.
Moment of terror today. I was sitting first car at a red light when I looked up to see a large car pull into my lane of traffic heading directly at me. I had nowhere to go. As the car got deadly close I started to throw myself onto the seat to lessen my injuries when he swerved, skidded and tore up the street adjacent to me. That was as close to a head-on as one can get without being in one and I never, ever want to be that close and helpless again. It has been hours but my stomach is still in knots and my GRATITUDE is overwhelming. Divine Intervention. Totally.

Busy day today. Hoping marigolds will keep the next door neighbors gophers away. It took us all year last year to get them out of our yard and they are marching back ,the little buggars.

It has been too long since I have posted but too many things have had to come first. Yesterday my son-in-law, 47, was operated on for severe diverticulitis. They had to remove 18" of intestines and his gall bladder. There were some complications but at the moment he is allright. Watched the 2 grandkids today, Abby and Andrew and again tomorrow. Hope he recovers well. It was an intense surgery and he will learn he is not Superman and it will take time to heal. I love him.
I am integrating Twitter with my blogs. You know how much I want to get more back into my writing and I think this is finally it. It will take a few days and attempts to iron out the kinks so one can lead to the other.
Writing is my passion and I can't wait to share some of it with you. I need to learn how I can separate my blogs with segments of my writing. I am reading other blogs to learn a technique that is a right fit for me.
I heard I can link my Facebook also. Here I go thinking out loud again.

It is another sad story, I am afraid. We went and got the sweet puppy and drove it home bonding and loving. That night my husband instantly fell for the puppy. However by early evening I was beginning to have itchy eyes, welts on my chest where his head was. Needless to say it got worse all night long. I could not sleep at all as eyes were horribly swollen, painful itching, nose running and sneezing. By 8 am I called and we made the long return trip to take the puppy back. Boy I am still amazed how much I cried. It was the cutest thing and I had happiness and comfort in my heart that all would be well.
I heard poodles are the best. My son-in-law is having major surgury for diverticulitis on the 13th of May so life is going to be very hectic for a while. May be when he is healed and back to work I can try this again, I don't know. I wish I had enough money to afford the shots so I could have any type of dog or cat but...wishing doesn't cut it for now.
SOrry this is short, I know no one reads this but I felt obligated to finish the story.
Goodnight all.

Well, I cannot have a cat. Feeling sorry for myself until I learned of certain breeds of dogs that are allergy friendly. Called some friends and learned a lot. In Utah we have a web site www.ksl.com and under classified, under dogs they have tons of listing that sell like hotcakes. After several hits and misses this magical ad appears... 4 male miniature schnauzers. allergy friendly, cuddly, loyal, comforting, great for kids and older people. dont dig, easy learners, don't shed. I fell in love with two of them.
My daughter and I are making the 2 hr drive in the morning to pick one and bring it home. I feel like a schoolgirl I am so nervous.. I know it will be a good thing. When I am alone I will be able to focus on someone besides me and since putting Chewey down several years ago, then Pepper 2 months ago I have been pretty depressed. My doc said pets are a real asset to sick people and urged me months ago to replace Chewey.
Wish me luck. No one will replace Chewey but maybe they can fill the empty space.

I am twittering now and enjoying the shortness of it. If you feel the need my name is hermoviebuff.

So I decided I needed a kitten and to my surprise and delight my daughter and her husband showed up tonight with 2, 6 wk Siamese mix kittens. Oooh! Just as I was falling in love and birds were twittering I began to sneeze, the kitten I held scratched my neck and chest and INSTANTLY my skin burned, itched and swelled up grotesquely. 5 hrs later I still need eye drops, Sinex and wash my eyes and face from dander. I am so flippin upset. I had a cat all these years and now this? It isn't fair, I need, need a companion. My husband is gone so often and I am up late, ill often and need someone to talk to pet and googoo talk to. No, no humans are needed for this. Gees.

So, she took the kitten to her house & we have to wait til Monday to contact my allergist who told me 7 yrs ago there was not one thing on the back scratch test I wasn't allergic to. Hopefully, he will say just get a short hair or wash it often, comb it, spray it, pray........... Oh, my friends I made eye contact with the little flipper! How do you bond in under 5 minutes? The saga will continue til Monday. Please think happy thoughts for me... A dog would be a more concerned about me companion but they need doggy doors (2), kennels, haircuts, poopy spots, leashes, etc but they look at you, cock their head at every word and make you feel like you are royalty. (Big Sigh!)

I have a bizarre sense of well being tonight. Things still hurt, still killng me to do the insulin shots, still on strong antibiotics, still high sugar..BUT, I still have this positive feeling that things are going to finally turn around. I have lots to do with my life. I decided I want a kitten for sure..now, I have to get brave enough to make the committment.
Utah's spring is gorgeous right now..new buds on the trees, tulips, crocus..I am a Baby Boomer who wants to learn gardening. It seems that would be good therapy to work in the soil, plan and plant a colorful scene around the yard. Take care everyone, have a good night.

Good news! My son-in-law did not lose his job today. They laid off about 70 people and thankfully he was not one. Talk about pins and needles. ............... (30 min later) Good Gosh. Someone just banged on my front door yelling for me to call 911 and that her friend had fainted and was unconscious. She was across the street from my driveway. I ran over calling 911 and with their instructions helped her until the ambulance came. She went from coma-like to semi-conscious when they took her away. I pray for her. That was enough trauma to last a long time. I could feel her slipping away, I can only hope she will be alright. She was 24 and her name was Amber. That was all I could learn. She and her friend were door to door salesgirls . Their boss showed up and hustled the friend into his work van and they left. He better damn well show up at the hospital. She is not from Utah and has no one. It took such a long time for the ambulance I was getting hell fire mad cause she was slipping. Oh man, I don't want to type about it anymore. I need to just sit here and breathe and be grateful. You just never know what is going to happen at any given moment.

It was a good day. Had the kids over for Easter Eggs since they had to go to the other family yesterday. I think it was almost more fun for us hiding the eggs and watching them race to find them. Now days you need to find joy in the small things. Big time life is so full of stress, fear and uncertainty. My son-in-law may lose his job Wed. morning and we are sweating bullets. He just came down with severe diverticulitis, daughter has bad asthma and son has propensity to chest colds and pneumonia. We are all praying really hard.
Our plumbing business has picked up a little, subsiding the terror when the phone does not ring. All you can do is keep a positive attitude or you will crumple your family and your sense of worth. Sometimes you have to adjust or readjust your life but you do what you must to keep the family on firm ground. Pride sometimes needs to take a back seat for a while. God Bless Everyone affected adversely in this crisis..
It has been a long day. Good Night Everyone.

It was a quiet day today. Enjoyed Nascar and a trilogy of Glenn Close, Christopher Walken films beginning with Sarah: Plain and Tall. Followed the years, 1910, 1912 and 1918 I think. They were refreshing and people need to be reminded what life was like back then and the hardships. We are so incredibly spoiled and kids show no appreciation for how life was even 20 years ago. I worry about this selfish generation that expects to be given by everyone. One day soon they will have a different world for which they aren't prepared.
I am still lost without a pet. I wish someone read this post with an opinion.. but I think I am talking alone in a tunnel. An orange tabby I hear makes a good lap cat.
Oh well, tonight I am more focused on Christ and the resurrection. I feel like a complaining fool when I think of all that He suffered and in silence and alone.
Good night everyone. Happy Easter! Remember Christ today inspite of the eggs and candy.
Love you all.

Can breathe a little easier tonight. Been pretty darn sick..now just a little sick. I am happy with that.I lost a good friend last Monday. You know how it feels when you hear someone died and then you hear the name and, Good Lord, that one NOT the name you expected. That was Coleen..with just one "l".She was this incredible artist,,oils, water color, pencil, crafts and then I believe in her early 20's got smacked hard with rheumatoid arthritis in her hands. She spent over 30 years fighting the pain, trying the studies, smiling with optimism always..even 2 days before her death she told her husband, "I am still fighting." But Monday someone said, Enough and she stopped. I will miss her.

I am trying to figure how to link this from Twitter. I think it is possible.

Good night everyone.

I am too tired to write much tonight. I am a blob companion. I am sick of having diabetes, high cholesterol, triglycerides and low-grade Lymphomatic skin cancer (Lymphomatoid Papulosis) amongst other things. My kidney is now infected and the pain is incredible. There, I said it...well, most of it but enough for maybe someone out there to say, "Hey, Iknow what that crap feels like and it sucks."
If you're like me y ou do your best to pretend y ou feel fine...you learn to walk with very little sign of a limp from your feet that sting, burn, go dead, or throb when you walk, sit or raise them up. Your heart races at times and you wonder is this the time it has affected your heart? Is this the plaque you try to avoid with statins? OR is this the stress you didn't get a handle on?
Oh, pooh!!
Just ignore this rant. I needed to release it. In an hour I will have it under my mental control and locked away in this small room in my brain that is only for these moments. My daughter, husband and grandchildren need me to be laughing, with them, playing and being all I can without them having to say, What is wrong Grandma?
I so love living that the pain is ok to deal with.... BUT I think I am allowed to have these moments in the middle of the night. I want to get well enough to be the writer I wanted to be since I was about 10 years old.. I WILL reach a stable condition and I WILL do what I have always dreamed. Dreams do come true, right?

It is been a bumpy ride this week. Sick grandchildren, sick me, tooth infection for my husband,and the economy, smog, lying politicians and Daylight Savings Time has all of us a little dragged down.
We have a racist, homophobe with illusions of self-grandeur in our Legislature here in Utah... I refer to him as the racist, homophobe conceited, arrogant, public- be- damned fool who is a total embarrassment and PROOF of the need for term limits...along with Bennett and Hatch especially. There is NO VALID EXCUSE for ANY Senator to be in more than 2 terms. That is one of the things wrong with the country that can easily be eliminated. Imagine that! Fresh faces and ideas every 2 terms. What a novel idea. Why isn't it happening? Because most of the Congress is WAY over the hill and they love the benefits..they are going to hold fast DESPITE the drag and drain on the taxpayers. Remember the days when representatives said they were there for their constituients? Lasts about 60 days after they are elected and then they become power hungry , tax-evasive, morally corrupt, bought and paid for puppets. Sure makes me feel warm and fuzzy. How about you?

I decided to get a kitten about to be born in a couple of weeks but my husband finally admitted tonight that he truly did not want a cat. If I need a companion and it has to be alive.. he wants it to be a dog even tho they are more work. Doggy doors, hair cuts, baths, boarding.... but I think if we find something even close to our only dog Chewy we would buy one. I get heart palpitations thinking of the devastation that overwhelmed both of us when we had to put him down. We swore we could not go through that pain again and then I remember the total joy and fun we had with him. The drama continues... it will have to be a perfect dog however, we already had the perfect one. Ohhhh, only people whose animals truly are their family understand the caution and need to get the right one.. tho how could any other quite measure up. You need to accept the new dog as a new per son with his own soul and per sonality. Wish me luck, people.
However, this time I want a female as I understand they are more mellow after their sex organs are removed. My Chewey continued to have sometimes outrageous sex with a pink elephant we won at Lagoon for many years. Who knew? None of us for over 15 yrs were allowed to touch or move his "object of affection".
Take heart America. Those of you who believe in God know He will not allow the world to be destroyed or so horribly discombobulated via the greedy, stupidity, selfish, thoughtless, foolish deeds of men with a waiting room in Hell. Their punishment will be more intense and eternal than anything we could hope to slap them with here on Earth. Thank you God, they are all yours. Give us the courage and strength to lift our hearts up and remember you truly are ou r Savior now as always. Good Night America!!

I have finally caved in and joined Facebook at my daughter's urging. I thought I was shy in public but even more so on this new social forum. I am gradually being found by classmates from my senior year of high school in 1968 and some friends and neighbors. Mostly people don't post that much.... it's not like a chat room, tho I hear they are available. It is fun to watch the posts of your friends and get a glimpse into their lives. There are not so difficult games of all varieties to play, virtual gardens and farms to grow..there is always danger of giving out too much info but that is true everywhere. It will be interesting to see how far this will take me but it is quiet fun at night at the end of a harried day.
A dopehead called Sen Valentine here in Utah has introduced a law to be considered that would force ALL restaurants that serve mixed drinks to erect a 10 foot wall or seperate room to keep the children from actually seeing the drinks get mixed. It is okay to see the drinks on the table but heaven forbid they see it being poured into a glass. This guy is a moron!!! Most of the restaurants could not afford the cost of remodel....what thought-process goes on in the small area of his mind. Why do so many of these legislators try so damn hard to come up with more and more ways to make us average folk look like idiots???
Utah has so much beautiful scenery, fun places to go, friendly and courteous citizens....BUT some perverted politicians every single year try to screw it all up. My solution??? Vote every single one of them out and start fresh. Show them we are sick of it and we will not continue to re-elect the same ridiculous mental midgets and dinosaurs anymore. Just a thought.

We took the grandkids to a Safety Fair Friday and I was impressed with all the booths that gave the kids something to do while the parents and grandparents gathered great information..from Poison Control to Seat Belts, to sitting in police and fire vehicles, ATVs, motorcycles, how much pills look like candy (scarey), small, scarey heliocopters, zero fatalities in several great buckle up programs. I had the grandkids in the cars that collide at 5 mph while buckled up to show the intensity of a low mileage collision. Unfortunately, Andrew, my 5 1/2 yr old grandson found that as fun as Lagoon (adventure park). IT took some time to explain the danger and need for seatbelts... freebies were small key chain lights, lip balm, bumper stickers, pads and pens and the Wonderful card all ready for you to write down the license number, car and driver description of aggressive drivers, drivers of cars that spew thick black smoke. The cops will take it over from there and talk to the owners... you aren't sending them a ticket so don't get all hyped up about the ol' Big Brother Thing! They simply check their car for illegal and dangerous emmissions and have them get fixed. If they try to run you over via texting, calls, drinking or being aggressive and stupid you get them a talking to. Now , tell me, what is so wrong with that? You save your lives, theirs and their families and other innocents on the road. If you feel threatened then be SMART.... do NOT text, mellow out and drive like you want to live another day.That's not Big Brother, that is Saving Lives . By the way, I hate Big Brother.... in every single area BUT driving.
I didn't mean to lecture but this past week has had some very close calls while my grandkids were in the car and every single incident involved the cell phone, texting and driving like rules, respect and safety were of no signifigance. Please, think while you drive. Good Night America!

The house is so empty except for the walls when I bump into them or the rug when I trip over it. I say, Oh Sorry to inanimate objects and mumble to a stuffed animal that looks a little like my deceased dog Chewy. Thinking seriously that I need a kitten before I totally melt down.
We have a lunatic in office here called Chris Buttars who says that homosexuals are worse than terrorists in this country, It terrifies me that so many "sheeple" in this state agree with him... not to his lunatic comments...but they gleam from it that marriage is between man and woman. They seem to overlook his radical, disgusting views that all homosexuals are perverts and a threat t o our country. His closed minded, arrogant, dont give a damn how anyone feels attitude is the true threat to a working society. I believe some gays are that way simply by social choice. but I know thru a couple family members and in-law child that some ARE BORN that way and display those tendencies in youth (prior to age 6) WITHOUT outside influence so screw you self- appointed judges!! You simply CANNOT lump everyone to gether. Get a life! Get a pet!

It has been days since Pepper passed away and I am still thinking she is here. It will take time to fully realize she truly is gone. Thank you for letting me mourn her.
My husband and daughter want me to find a short hair orange tabby as they are supposed to be more mellow and loving. A female is desireable if I can summon the courage to do this again. You know I buried several cats over the past 20 years but they were all killed by cars or in infancy by their father tom cat. Somehow it is different burying a cat from unexpected death than having them a lifetime and having to choose to end their life. Whoa, I have got to move on. IF I can do this, I think I want a short hair (cause of my allergies) orange tabby (female). Unless I am wrong, I heard they are calmer, cuddly and stay home and are more companion-like. If you know different I would like to hear from you. I am so darn lonely tho I need to make a decision soon.

Salt Lake is getting a little crazy right now with the Legislature in session and everyone wanting to be a hero with a stellar bill to pass. Actually, they make such fools of themselves. No one really wants to tackle real issues... they all want their name on a bill. Heaven forbid they actually try to accomplish something without their name on it. Well, it is very late. Good Night America!

I can't believe it is this soon that Pepper is dead. She became very sick all night long at my daughter's and could not eat so she took her to the Vet. The vet said most cats don't live as long as she did and that she was sick. In a quick instant and thankfully with no fear, she was given a little stick and died. Now my sorrow is greater but wrapped with a gratefulness she is not suffering. I see her everywhere and thought I heard her purring a while ago. She would lay on the computer tower to be with me..
This will be a short blog for me tonight. Good night America.

Well, I have done it. Pepper, my cat is gone and living with my daughter. She remains hidden under two beds back and forth but I hear she is purring a little. You see she was my daughter's cat for 8 years before I sort-of inherited her. I keep looking for her to swagger into the room, meow for food and attention. I see shadow figures. I am not lonely for her tonight, strangely. I am tired from crying and tired from changing all my bedding and cleaning out hairs from all the nooks and crannies. Oh I hope this will help me without all the dander.
There are two more wild strays out back at least. Where did they all come from and why now? I am inclined to think so many foreclosures left pets behind but I hope I am wrong.
Tomorrow is another day. Do you get over the loss of a pet? Nope! I will forever be in mourning for my dog Chewy. Pepper I was attached to... Chewy was family. Pooh! I know how empty I will be, how quiet and routine the home will be, how wishful I will be for someone to talk to through-out the day.
I have this stuffed animal I found a few weeks back with Chewy's eyes. I think perhaps he will join me somewhere in the frontroom until I can decide if my heart could take another breaking. Cats don't need you; dogs do. And isn't it a good feeling to be needed.
Good Night America!

Feb. 20, 2009
It has been one of those days..Started out catching a wild, gutteral, 500-pound black cat in a shelter trap this morning. We've been attacked with 3 times a night sexual cat-calls, fights, cans knocked over and the strongest pee ever peed under our back porch where I do laundry to a point I would have to spray Febreze to do a load of wash. One down and at least 3 to go. Got another one this evening that was smaller, cuter, deceivingly blue eyes and a streak of orange that makes you go "Ahhh" until it spits, growls and reminds you of the movie Pet Semetary. 2 to go.
Sadly, in 2 days my daughters 17 yr old cat (living with me for past10 yrs has to go now to her house as my allergies are thru the roof and her old age keeps making me cry. I hope she can adapt to a house with a dog and 2 perfect, well close to perfect grandkids. I will miss her but I also miss breathing and actually seeing out my eyes without swelling and tears.
I had to put down my 18 yr old Llasa Opso-Terrior mix 3 yrs ago due to severe injury. I still, look at me, cry easily just thinking of him. He was my companion, my friend, my toy, my soundboard and my guardian. I am afraid to ever try a dog again. But now, I am fearing the lonliness I will suffer when the cat is gone..she sort of got me thru losing my "Chewy". Ahh, economic crisis, stimulas package, politics be damned tonight! What am I to do?
Good night America!

Feb. 18th, 2009
I am beating my self up for letting this much time pass me by without blogging. I regret so many times that I am not putting onto paper ( blog) what is in me, around me, of me. For me, I must do this more often. I keep too much inside, not wanting to burden or pest anyone but I have learned something recently but not too late. I am not a bad or irrelevent person.. I have words and ideas to offer to anyone who may read this and even if no one does. I have at least shared.
Remember Neil Diamond's "I Am I Said"? He was stating he was a man; he was. I am I said. There will be people who may read my words and say I am what she said.
Or, not! Haha!
It is late at night and I am satisfied that I have finally gotten back to this homeroom. Take care America and don't let this world pull you down. Together, we will be fine and make it back to our comfortable, personal space we have shaken at the moment. Good Night!