The 2 Year Sleepover Has Begun

I cannot believe it has been 6 days. The family put everything into high gear and in warp time my house has now turned into a home.  Friday night the last bed was brought in and the first 2 year sleepover began.
Running up and down the stairs, borrowing cereal bowls, a can of pop or a Hawaiian roll. The sounds of laughter. The sounds of pounding new shelves and putting their pictures and saying on the walls. The stacked washer and dryer that barely made it an inch from the ceiling.
Bella, the cat and Patches, the dog are adjusting quite well, considering. Last night they were running circles tail to tail in my front room. Bella just learned how to get outside and therein lies my fears. Today was her first day our several times. All I can do is hope she'll take to the neighborhood okay.
We are a family of unplanned adventures. The days to come will be filled with them.

Work Injuries Are Odd Creatures

I normally prepare myself for bad news but thought I had this one. I was certain. But, alas, the doctor said that work related injuries are odd creatures. They were able to prove the injury to the right thumb joint but since the insurance put me off for so long he has this dilemma. Thanks, in great part, to doctors and insurance who get together and come up with new findings and ways to keep each other happy, the patient comes third.
Many, many insurance companies like to go to court to contest decisions and obligations. When they go to court, the doctor must be able to back his findings with scientific evidence. The initial injury had proof, time, immediate destruction, etc and was proven to be a valid claim. BUT, on the left hand, tho acknowledging it was overworked and took on a great deal of the right hands load, there is totally NO scientific evidence it was truly caused by the injury. Xrays taken showed the arthritis, bone spur and tests showed the left hand almost 100% as damaged as the right, he cannot legally connect the two.
He was very kind and disliked telling me the bad news. Yes, I cried at first. But I do understand he is bound by law and without scientific proof he would lose in court.SO....
the good news he is strongly against any surgery on the right hand at this time. He stated that too many doctors rush their patient into it when they haven't even let the inflammation heal or learn how to cope with the difficulties of the arthritis which can calm down and be much less painful for long periods of time. He suggested that only when the pain or frustrations get totally more than you can bear... then  you consider the surgery. Not all surgery is successful and he told me that all 6 of his associates in hand surgery have had at least one patient where the surgery made it worse, where the wrong nerve was cut or full usage was not restored or inability to return to full function of the hand.
WOW. That made me rethink everything.  This guy pulls no punches. He is one of the best in the state of Utah but doesn't operate for money as the incentive... or the patient's whim. I can continue to have cortisone shots in the hand clear until future surgery as the joint is totally damaged, shot. There is no more harm the shots can do.
So, for now, I am to buy soft braces, anything that gives temporary comfort, shots, Ibuprofin (which I can't take while on methotrexate) and try to see if Target can find me a job that will produce less heavy usage of the hand. I am considering asking to work in Guest Services where you take returns. My daughter works it often and said there is very little lifting and less items to handle. I will talk to the new team leader, Pratty in a couple of days. I am relieved, I am sad. At least I know the right hand will be taken care of forever.  All things work for the best.

3 Months Coming

Tomorrow has been almost 3 months coming. It is my appointment with a prominent orthopedic surgeon to give an independent review of my left thumb to determine if it's deterioration is due to the injury of the right thumb. Since Nov.2010 and the injury the left hand has had to most of the work. It is now difficult to determine which hand is worse and both wake me up all night long. My other health issues are returning rapidly, putting me back to just a couple of different foods to eat, constant stomach pain and now dehydration is cramping my legs again.  The calender says July, my body says it is back to January.  One step at a time.  I need the dr. to tell the insurance company he believes that one caused the other because then workman's comp will cover surgery for both hands. Think happy thoughts for me; I need all I can get tomorrow.

As far as moving in, it's getting me excited finally and not so nervous. Patches, the dog, came over for a quick visit and peed in the kitchen and hallway the moment he got in the door. Well, hello there pooch.  I am buying a gate to put up in my bedroom doorway to keep him out so I will have one room free of dander for when my asthma gets ornery.  Bella, the cat, won't come until they are ready to make the final stage. I worry worry worry about her. She is an explorer and there will be no forcing her to stay in the house. We all know it is a risk but there is no other choice. Hopefully, she will find herself at home and explore safely.

More Moving

The old, refurbished kitchen sink faucet sprayed to high heaven so we ran to Costco's to get another one and soon realized that with that faucet, the disposal wouldn't fit with the dishwasher so poor Bob had to do extra rewiring to get things right and he did great. This a.m. there was wood and pieces of this and that... tonight as they left it was a new sink, faucet, disposal, soap dispenser, dishwasher and new cabinet top to make the Ikea cabinets they put together. The frig is running, light switches raised and safer. Tomorrow the counter top goes on an extra cabinet to set by the frig so Melanie has more counter space for cooking. Looking good and darn homey!!

Lucky me, last week I inherited a beautiful leather couch they couldn't fit downstairs and since they had so many tv's and my HUGE old tv is dying with almost no audio... they offered tonight to take the old one away and gave me their 40" flat screen for my bedroom as I can't see well.

To top good things off, today Melanie's sister-in-law, also a Melanie and her husband, decided they want to rent their home. We know they are great people and will take good care of it. Everything is coming together. They want to be moved into the home by the end of August... so still much work to do. I think Mel and the family may be moved in within a couple of days.

Moving Doubletime

It's very late and has been very full days past, I apologize for being so late in posting. My family has decided to move in double time and we've worked from early morning to dark each day. Running many errands, making things fit where they don't, placing the frig and realizing there is no electrical outlet. Buying the sink and the counter doesn't fit... lots of adjustments but I think we have overcome the worst hurdles. 

Most of the clothes and furniture is here now. Bunk beds in one room; the sink, stove and frig, dishwasher is running. Now a laundry dilemma. I have a piggyback washer and dryer which is what they need but they are expensive. They already have a washer and dryer a year old but they are electric and we're set up for gas. So... the latest idea is to give them our piggyback and take their washer..they can then buy a dryer that will fit on top of the washer. At least I think that is what they meant.  LOL, it is hilarious around here. We are all so busy moving, condensing, remodeling, correcting errors, that not a one of us is thinking with a clear head so we have these meetings to keep us on the right track.

If all goes as planned, they may be moved in by Sunday or Monday at the latest..
Then says my daughter, we are going to seriously set about getting me eating better and feeling well. We can't work miracles but she is making a believer out of me.

At the end of the day, I am feeling happier than a very long time. My family is my life.

Powerful, Powerless Night

The weather was hot and muggy with barely a breeze. My son in law and grand kids were over while mom was at work so he could get their new stove hooked up. It was 7 pm and we heard a pop outside our house. Then the power died. I don't believe in waiting for someone to act so I jumped up and called the power co. I was their first notification. At first we thought the whole subdivision was out but it turned out to be us and about 4 other homes. Skipping over... 5 giant power trucks & later an enormous crane pulled out our huge electrical box and put a new on into place. Within 10 min we had power on. Oh, but the time we had in between.
While Bob continued on with the stove via sunset and a strategically located flashlight we kept the kids entertained upstairs. This was their first experience with a power outage lasting more than a few minutes. They were hyped to a degree that surpassed a sugar overdose. This was indeed an adventure they were relishing.
Grandpa got on the floor and played 3 games of Crazy Eights with a deck of cards I found. All our laughter rocked the house. Abby and Andrew then played Operation.
Sweet Bob, knowing the house was getting hotter and hotter did not want to leave us that way but I finally convinced him we'd be ok. At least it happened behind clouds and soon as the sun set it began to cool with just enough of a breeze.
After they left I found a battery operated radio and listened to the second half of the Real Salt Lake Soccer Championship game. We won! 
Like magic, as all the rumbling, screeching and banging of the power company fully engaged, someone VERY close by... Dan says a half block at least.. became to light off  huge, expensive fireworks every bit as good and breathtaking as the city's display. For a solid hour we sat at the front room window like kids marveling at the fireworks. One solid hour, can you imagine? Some of them were so close and so large we couldn't see the entire display. 10 min. after all of that the power came back with a rush of cool air and lights.
We talked about the timing and what a great evening it had turned out to be..then Real celebrated their victory with even more fireworks. What had begun as a "Aw, darn it" turned into a "What a cool night!"

There They Sit.

There they sit. Boxes filled with yesterdays. Photos, school work, letters and cards, ancestors with no name and other memories I put away without reading or looking at. The past was planted firmly away in the middle of everyday cluttered life's moments.

I brought them upstairs to make room for the move in. I had forgotten what some of them contained. Slowly I will open them, pick them up and try to breathe. Just thinking about what I will find takes my breath away. One small box hasn't been opened since my mom died in 1968. Another hasn't been opened since the 1970's.

I can feel them sitting behind my desk as if they had eyes. I don't think I can put the process off too long if this is how they are going to taunt me. It was easier to deal with them downstairs in a box in a corner. But it is long past time to go through them, keep and discard, learn and try to forget and create a new box, of the good things, places and times. Memories my family won't want to keep in their downstairs in the dark, in a corner. Memories they will want to share and keep in the light.

The Move Coming Home.

I spent Sat and Sun helping the kids move some of the bigger furniture into the basement. Most precious cargo was my daughter's source of Valium, ebony and ivory keys, down the stairs without knocking the tune into left field. Success. However, their 6 month old gorgeous leather couch would simply not give an inch so it is now upstairs and the best my front room has ever seen. Thanks, guys, but it kills me it wouldn't work. They're fine with it, I'm the one feeling sad for them. The flat screen is in their family room,curio cabinet is settled. Bunk beds are up, girls bathroom getting more private and new frig, a tad smaller is coming.  Abby is having the time of her life. Being newly turned 11, I thought she would be more hesitant but she is totally gung-ho and having the time of her life.

Andrew, turns 9 on Aug. 6, is so blaise. He plays intensely on the computer while all this goes on around him, stopping now and then to run outside and turn on the 68 Mustang. Cool cucumber, he is.
After ll, he is moving in with his grandpa, his best friend and inseparable source of play.

The "men" had an idea. Ok...that they didn't think through. Without a lot of thought they took a saws all to the side of my front door to cut out a doggies door. Today, they learned there is no such size even close to be cut down. So I have an approx 19" by 10" hole for all the unholy to enter my home. It's now stuffed with a pillow and so sprayed with Ortho's Home Defense that an armadillo couldn't cross the poison barrier. (or so I pray).

I've still got to box quite a few books that I can't bare to part with along with some blenders and canners for just-in-case in the future. If we run out of space we will donate to the shelters. It is enlightening when you are forced to cut down your inventory, how little you needed much of it and don't know when things go missing.

The Phone Call

I got a call yesterday that I've been waiting years for. A former fellow radio talk show host called and asked me to fill in for him and do a 2 hour show that night. (last night). Wow. It's been 15 years since I did a full show, newer equipment and little to no prep time. Of course I said, YES! After I hung up my knees buckled and my self esteem, low as it is, shot right out the window.  My head had been throbbing all day and now my stomach was in full throttle rebellion. A few hours and half a large bottle of Pepto Bismal later I was on the road to the radio station.

Two hours later, the show was over and I felt like a born again human. So many years of keeping my political views to myself, being less able to make emotional contacts with lost souls had gradually pulled me down. To each his own beliefs, but once again I experienced the unexplainable.  The moment the microphone went up and the headphones went on, the headache was gone, the stomach was calm, my feeling of worth was rising, thoughts of my personal difficulties vanished. I was in my world. I will carry that feeling for a long time.

Word from another talk show host indicates I will be asked to substitute again in the future.

It was also told to me that the owner of the station spoke of the possibility of my own weekday show. I am overwhelmed at the belief in me, but I would never accept. Daytime listeners are an entire different breed; they are angry, demanding and hardcore politically slanted. I went through 7 years of that drama and it nearly killed me and harmed my family. Stalkings, phone calls late at night, anonymous mailings. No, been there, survived that. 

Big Words

I never think to use big words, never had the inclination to learn them. I like things simple. I went to school with a girl named Sandra Johnson. We were close for a couple of years in junior (middle) high school and she tried her darndest to improve my simplicity with her love of words. She would write down new words she had heard or read, look them up in the dictionary and include them however she could into our conversations for at least a week or so. I always admired her, she always chastised me. We never let words get in the way of our friendship. Miss you, Sandra.

Todays' big word was "oppressive". Through out the shift I heard it often. It was very hot and the mugginess made it's way into the store. By the time the customers were at my check stand they were sighing, shrugging and cursing Utah's early bout with the monsoon weather. It is about a month or so early. The next 3 days are to get increasingly hotter. Oh, happy day. I am sure I will be hearing all sorts of big words.....   

Progress to Sept. 1

Crazy, muggy hot today and for the next 3 days at least. Sweaty, miserable reminder of how much I love Fall and Spring. Counting down. 

The family came over today making more progress to moving in Sept. 1. We're closing off half of our Gazebo out back so they can use it for storage. I never knew how much it costs to rent those storage units. No wonder so many people lose them to auctions. Ridiculous. There is making a profit and there is making a killing.  Whatever we can do to help.  The excitement seems to be picking up now and the grand kids are eager.

We made a decision today to ease the strain on their move in. Until today, they were having to give their dog away that they've had a  year now. I could see their sorrow. We decided we would put in two doggie doors and fix the outside fence so he "Patches" cannot get out.  If they keep his hair short I should be okay. The looks on their faces today said it was the right call to give to them. I am very worried over the cat, Bella. She was originally mine but my allergies were horrible so I gave her to them and she will be coming back. However she is very much an outdoor cat. It is in her breed to hunt and travel. I worry for her safety when she goes to explore her new place. Wild cats are known to roam here.

A Day Running

A day running all over the valley with my daughter and grand kids in their new "used"car was refreshing. They bought a 2002 Nissan Infinity; it had a terrific, proud owner before with the condition it was in.  Me and my 2003 Chevy Cavalier appreciate it's power and (5 air bags)! Despite all the insane drivers today, I felt pretty darn safe. 

NASCAR was great again tonight, but especially because Tony Stewart won. I am the only one in the family who watches it but I think that my grandson will come round. He turns 9 in a few weeks and is totally consumed with automobiles.

Oh, my body is telling me to call it a night. It is generally right. 

Days have flown

Wow, the past few days have flown by with lightening speed! Life's bumps and pot holes has sent us all in different directions. Family needing me for help tending, doctors, work, fighting City Hall, etc. has all hit at once. I think tomorrow will return to my abnormal normal.  Funny, but I seem to prefer  challenges and adventures to the mundane.

Next week I am putting in for adding one more shift a week. Money is too tight but I am definitely not ready for 4 days yet.  It is hard as my stomach is so bad I cannot each but a couple of saltines before I go to work and sip on Gatorade to get me by. I haven't given up that one day we will have all the dieting, medicating and tests come together with what will help my life be less painful, stressful and costly.  I am a believer.

Today my daughter said their plan is to be completely moved into the basement by Sept. 1. It is funny how well the grand kids are taking it... almost like an adventurous vacation. Melanie says she'll feel better for one thing, being here to help when I am extra sick. Dan isn't good at helping; he tends to take off the worse I get. Stresses him too much. Plus they'll pay a small rent which will help for our slow down in work. Plus, my stress will drop tons having life back in the house. I am so lonely at night as Dan goes to bed between 7-8 pm most nights but is up super early. Face book saves me, but for the nights everyone goes quiet.

Hands are hurting and I think I am now rambling.

Stress, Pills & Wrongful Assumptions

I need to breathe deep; in and out, slowly, to calm my racing heart. Lately, the slightest argument or drama sends my heart into pain and rapid heartbeat.. being that I have some plaque and a murmer i must not let my emotions put me into a danger zone. I've been through more than one blood clot in the lungs at a t ime in 1985. My doctor said, you now know what a heart attack feels like. Basically, it is a sharp pain the goes through and through - from the front to the rear of your chest or vise versa. It it is, in a way, like an arrow shot through you. Similar to severe heartburn or chest gas pain, but goes all the way through and every breath is painful.  Tonight I thought it was my time... but just major stress that i was able to talk myself down out of. Things you learn after time. Take a long breath in, count to 10 and release it slowly. It immediately slows your heartbeat.

I have , honestly, 2 doctors occasionally prescribe Lortab for me. My primary care, after my doctor of over 24 years quit with 2 wks notice (thanks Obamacare) was kind but took me immediately from a 15 yrs scribe of 1 tab 3 x a day to 1 tab 2 x a day. It was hard at first and I honestly have to deal with a b it more pain than when on 3 but was fine with it. Then came the one after another dental mistake that for the past 19 months has kept me in great pain. If I took  lortab in the daytime I would run out too soon and I couldn't get them refilled. I told my dentist so he would prescribe me just 15.. to be able to take during the day without shorting me the 2 a day I needed badly. Out of nowhere today a "third" party said it was too soon and I had to wait til 7/16. If it weren't for the look the Target pharmacy employee (known for pissiness) threw my way in disgust I would have been fine with it. She and I will talk first thing I get to work to morrow. (She is notorious for attitude and gossip) It best be she has not expressed any opinion without knowing the story to anyone I work with.  THe situation is odd but the dentist and my primary know exactly how it is going. GRRRRR, do people ever stop judging without knowing the details? Well, there you go, my peeve for the day.

My mother was addicted to Darvon for years (I learned after her death) and that is how she killed herself. My grandmother and grandfather on her side became addicted to Demerol and traveled the state of Utah forging prescriptions and begging doctors for prescriptions. I know far too well, the horrors of addiction and double, triple my knowledge of what I take, how to take them and avoid the smallest risk. I don't generally get offended when questioned now and then but today, with that "are you a druggie?" look, I definitely was offended.

To those of you who truly abuse the medications for self numbing and satisfaction, those of you who ask for them to sell and make money, those of you so badly addicted you need professional intervention I pray for your day of realization and reform.  

It was a Monday Friday

The day started going wrong at 3:00 am. Only asleep an hour I awoke with a start from a most vivid, frightening nightmare and found myself crying. It was an awful dream of the future with loved ones that I will firmly place in the past. Some dreams are just close enough to reality to be disturbing. Ok, a dream is a dream is a dream.

I got up early and foolishly engaged with a friend who asked for a response on a political issue. Shame on me. Don't I know that I don't know anything? Haven't I stepped into this trap before? Make a comment, put my foot in a door. Another friend suddenly encouraged my friend against me in the discussion; a friend, well, go back to my blog about friends, friendships and acquaintances. The friend was a friendship. I am sad.
Is it because I am me, or a female or what, that men will not allow me an opinion without rudeness or aggressive verbal volleys that I am not prepared for. I don't know exact quotes, paragraphs, article numbers, authors or years of implementation. I know from reading, listening, forming my opinions. When I get cornered for facts I retreat. I retreated today.

Should I have stood up and continued my beliefs? No, I could not. I will not stand against friends. I am sad that I can not feel able or comfortable just stating a simple opinion. Most of my life I've been told to shut up or be quiet, seen but not heard, that I was uneducated because I merely graduated high school. How could I know anything? As if my years on talk radio interviewing, reading the news stories the public never hears, seeing politicians behind the scenes, etc. meant nothing. Should I have said what I "really" know?  Nope, I just retreat and then burst into tears and want to shut my facebook down.

At my age I still not been able to firm my armour, rather I build walls.

I was wrong. I am wrong. I let a hurtful moment in the morning affect my entire day. I went to work with a heavy heart and a pout. Issues I normally overcame upset me. My patience was worn before I tried to practice it. Sitting here now it all seems so trivial.  Besides, I was right and he was wrong. ;)

Who needs a therapist when you have a  blog?  Thanks for use of your couch!

Channel Flipper's Day

Well, it ended up 3 hours in the dental chair on my birthday and I was right. The tooth they just worked on for a filling and crown needs a root canal in 2 weeks. I dare not comment further.

I was so proud of the Channel Flipper. He got through all his Prep Drink last night and beginning again at 4:30 this morning to finish without a hiccup. The colonoscopy went pretty good. They found 3 polyps and diagnosed him with diverticulosis which is a precurser to diverticulitis. They are pouches along the colon that can trap waste and weaken the lining, precipitating a break in the wall and contagion to the internal organs. He has to eat more fiber on a constant basis to avoid any worsening.
We were both concerned since he is 64 but barring any troubles he doesn't need to return for 5 yrs. He was amazed how easy and quick it was. Already today he has urged 2 friends to get it done. Yay.

My manly man came through.

Finally, Back

It has been frustrating not being able to blog or keep up with my facebook friends; to even play a few games that act as chill pills for me. Favorite games I love :  Zuma, Peggle ( my top 2), Words with Friends, Slotomania and Zuma Blitz on facebook. I used to play Bejeweled Blitz every day until my cataracts worsened. There's something about the color and explosions that nearly blind me and I can't refocus.  One day I'll get the surgery done.  I've talked to lots of people lately who've just had it done. Everyone say it is a piece of cake... if my insurance will cover it I think I will try to have it done soon.
It's a bummer when you can't read, see the computer screen well, can't drive after dusk and at work I have troubles reading codes on fruits and veggies because they are small and the overhead lights cause a nasty glare. This is one of my future... oh, make it near future, goals. Next, if I survive everything else, I am supposed to go to an Ear, Nose & Throat guy for the increasing choking before it truly does kill me and to check for a deviated septum. I have horrible times trying to sleep and stay asleep. Breathing doesn't come easy.  Lots on the plate.

Tomorrow is my birthday. First thing in the am, my daughter has to have an endoscopy for her severe acid reflux and make sure more serious things aren't going on.  I have to go back at 1:30 to my lovely dentist who just redid another mistake last week, to get one crown and prepped for another. One top of that, they'll love to know their last crown might have a cracked root under it...Placed 2 weeks ago I told them there was pain, they said it takes time. Well, I can't even eat a butter puff without pain so here we go again.

Yikes, I have rambled.Glad to be back to blogging.  You are my source of nighttime conversation and little secrets.

Oh! Tomorrow night, my Channel Flipper, after 14 yrs of refusal, will begin the preps and day after tomorrow will finally have a colonoscopy. My 4 polyps scared him....My manly man is a nervous wreck but it isn't that bad. I worry the results, he worries it is a woman doctor.  Men!  Lol.
Goodnight my friends.

Been Awhile

Sorry it has been awhile and must be short tonight. My computer died suddenly and is in the shop at least for a week. I have a small laptop but with my sore wrists it is very difficult to type and the browser is so outdated it takes forever to work. I apologize.

I have a friend who is sick right now but is a incredible blogger. I will visit her and learn some tricks so I am not such a boring site. I think I remember promising recipes from Aunt Alberta, my wonderful foster mom til the day she died. She was a great cook from Minnesota.

This is making me crazy.  Sorry but will be back asap. Gosh, these keyboards are small.

Father's Day

I wasn't going to blog tonight, tired, reflective but it wouldn't have been right and rather selfish not to do so. I had a most wonderful day. Even though I had only 3 hours sleep I awoke surprisingly refreshed and got much done. Dan and I ran to the store and bought him new knee length Levis, t-shirts, polo shirts and shoes he has worn to the bone. Ready for a rather boring, quiet day, Melanie called and said, "Come on down... we have surprises for Grandpa".

It turned into an unexpected delightful day. We watched , and participated, in the small pool swimming antics getting wet and soaking them. The outdoor thermometer there last read 99.8 degrees and we were grateful for their pool to play like kids in.  Supposedly we were there for soda and chips. To out surprise it turned out, chips, salad, burgers, hot dogs, ice cream and carrot cake. It was easy to feel the love we have for each other. I am so blessed to have a family full of love, respect and desires to be together. It does make up for all those years when I had no one. Thank you, God.

Tonight my pain became overwhelming. The dental work is poor, pain is beyond intense. My hands, both, are burning hot with pain and I can do little, dehydration has tightened my back muscles so bad I can barely get up and down tonight. I have choked several times today so my throat is sore and a little swollen and my stomach feels like a hard sucker punch.

My dear, nearly always perfect husband, came in tonight as I was crying and put his hands upon my head. He is not active in the Mormon Church but believes in it wholly. He said a silent prayer for me and within minutes most of my pain has gone and my love for him is greater still. God works through those who believe they have the power. Most of all my pain is now gone and I know sleep will come.
Pray for me my hands will carry me through my shift tomorrow.

God gives you the power to heal when you truly believe you have it.

Slow Down

The husband has finally agreed to have a colonoscopy. That is huge as I've been trying for 14 years. My having 4 polyps and still problems with digestion changed his attitude. Needless to say I picked up the phone and got the process started; the scheduler will call Monday.

I am trying not to stress too much but as the hummingbirds have slowed down so has work.I try so hard not to worry and know things have a way of working out but it has been hell the past 3 years. We got slammed when 4 major sources of employment (contractors) moved out of state and 1 died. Our last main contractor is retiring.  Now, most is remodel or repair. As suddenly as it comes, it stops. Compared to 10-12 yrs ago, we are living small, tight budgeted lives. Month to month we just get by. We never thought we'd get rich, but we thought we'd always have work.  

Frenzy to Famine

My hummingbirds just stopped coming by 2 days ago. From a frenzy to famine. We'll try new nectar but they seemed to love this one; kind of makes me nervous about the last batch.  I am loving the finches and  chickadees this year. We put up a feeder for the first time and have had all sizes, shapes and colors. They get feisty but seem to be more patient at the feeder than the hummingbirds. The most colorful ones are male.. like in humans, the best, longest eyelashes are on men. Go figure.

Isn't it ironic that now the cortisone shot in my right thumb joint has taken effect and has reduced my pain by half at least, the left thumb joint is almost as painful as the right at its worse. At the end of July, an orthopedist selected by Target's insurance is examining the left hand. He is the one who officially declared my injury to the right was permanent and even surgery won't stop future care. (Thank you, thank you.) Now, an error by an employee at the insurance co. that delayed my treatment for several months and increased reliance of the left hand, has them checking to see if the left hand will qualify under the initial accident as a "consequence" and cover expenses. Please send good thoughts that way. It is frustrating to have to wait so long to see him, but they say he is the best and that is what they want. He surely did good by me the first time.

Rough Day

Rough day at the office today. 3 hours of non stop stretching, lifting and scanning heavy items well over my weight restriction but had to do it. Several customers were great and could see I was struggling, lifting for me. It was just one of those days when everyone wanted the Express Lane and had large, heavy items.  Towards the end of the 2nd hour I knew I was in trouble and now, 5 hrs later I can't lift my right arm or hold a glass. I've braced the arm, now for Icy Hot and Tylenol. Luckily I have 3 days off so I should be okay for Friday's shift. I should be on Ibuprofen but I can't take it because it mixes quite badly with the Methotrexate. This happens every couple of months since the injury... just one of those things.

I am still awaiting official word about the blood tests.

And, so far, the kids are still planning to move in..a few weeks out. So far.

My arm, hand and fingers are poker hot. I am done for the night.

Perfect Morning

This morning was my perfect weather greeting to the day. Dan and I actually got together ( in the same car for once) and ran around. We stopped at Wal Mart for photos he and my grandson took during the past year... then around the corner we found a community garage sale. We couldn't find a thing but as we were leaving, just 30 ft away there was a 3 car accident. All 3 cars fled the scene. It was crazy... little pieces of cars in the intersection. A small adventure.
Then we drove just 3 blocks off and hopefully will have better treasures tomorrow. I found a brass, carved frog outdoor thermometer and Dan found an very old, brass fishing reel. The lady said she will have twice the items in the morning so we are going back.
We mozied around a couple more then headed to a buffet for lunch. Then the Dollar Store for, of course, $1.00 reading glasses for as often as he loses or breaks his, then home.
All in all, a good, quiet day just being together.

Results

I got the results from the tests today but won't be able to do much without understanding more from the doctors.   The liver tests were below the low normal, infections were present, sugar was too high by .1 better than 3 months ago. Now, I worry over the liver and very low Vit. D.Gad, the liver biopsy's are painful but we may be heading that way. No tests can tell if your liver is is trouble or dying other than the biopsy.

So I am going to sit back and enjoy my weekend. The weather will be cooler to morrow and I'd like to get outside and enjoy some sunshine.  Maybe take in a few garage sales.  A nice, do what ever I want to do day.

A Good Day

The thumb is swollen and blue from the shot but, knock on wood, I already have a little more range in movement. I won't know for sure for 2 weeks if it took, but am feeling optimistic that I will have a month or two without the severe pain. Always a good thing.

Finally, went up for blood tests today. I can get some of the results by phone tonight. I don't know if all hospitals do this, but I can get results without waiting days for the doctor to call. The technicians cannot tell you anything judgemental or recommend anything but can at least let you know the normal to abnormal range and what your score was. To me, that helps a lot.

Right place, right time today. They want me back at the hospital to work as a volunteer again in the Spirit of Caring. We offer emotional support for the critically ill. There would be only 2 of us but I can't com mitt until I am well enough. I have missed it very much.  While talking to them, the hospital engineer came in and I soon realized the hospital owns the property right at my property line. Hmm, it was a perfect time to talk weeds and High Fire Danger. I am told they will be cut within the week...and if perchance, Sandy City hasn't finalized all their papers, they will cut them anyway. Yay.  Learned it definitely was Sandy City's property that they neglected and not a private owner. That was interesting, considering their crackdown on code enforcement.

All in all it was a successful, good day.

All Thumbs

  It dropped over 30 degrees overnight. Strong, gusting winds made it harder to appreciate the cooler weather but appreciate it I did and still do. No weather whining tonight.

My thumbs are too sore to type much . Tomorrow will be better for the right thumb - cortisone shot in the afternoon.

Red Flag Warnings

Heavens to Betsy it was hot today. We broke another record with 98 degrees. You could feel every degree the moment you walked outside. (whine).  Counting down to June 21, the first day of Summer. Not because of Summer, because it marks the beginning of the days becoming shorter. Hah! It's my way of coping with the heat, knowing it's days will be numbering down.

Today at work it was consistent, people were too hot. Bummed out. Supposed to still be Spring. It was
nice not being the only pooh-pooher about the heat. But my new biggest concern is the Red Flag Fire Danger that Utah and several other Western States are in right now.  In many areas campfires are not allowed at all. The past couple of days and tomorrow will be tense. Winds are increasing and dry thunderstorms are predicted. The grasses here right now are brittley dry. Lots of lightening involved. Personally, my issue is direct. At my property line the City has let go their property that has a field of 3-4 ft. high dry weeds. One wrong moment and we could lose our storage cabin we built for our pretend camping trips with a shower, toilet, sink and bed...topped off with a deck to look across the valley. It took my husband 3 years to build it himself and is his pride and joy. We put sprinklers all along the property line and water every night both our side and the city's but we both have gut awful feeling this year.  Last summer, jerks let off illegal fireworks all around us and but for a wet year last year we may have had a horrible event. This year, I've already heard fireworks that are illegal and not time yet and we are bone dry. I don't think we could bear losing property. It wouldn't have been the first time.

About 15 yrs ago a foolish neighbor decided to burn his weeds.What made him a fool? It was 103 degrees and windy. We had 15, 20 ft Lombardy Poplar Trees all along our property line. They burned to the ground. Another fire I helped put out when I was photographing fires for the Fire Dept and a fireman and myself almost lost our lives when the winds shifted was maybe 50 ft. from my property line.  So, yes, I am worried. I worry every night I smell smoke. Always wondering. Just a thought I had- I am calling the City tomorrow and reminding them of the height of the weeds and the Red Flag Warnings.. maybe someone will mow them down. 

Not A Summer Person

How could I grow up in the desert and not be a summer person? The heat seems to come easily to some people, who don't sweat much but when they do it looks like a photo shoot. That's just not right. A throw back to high school just came to me, "Horses sweat, men perspire and women glow."  Mrs. Sullivan told us that in Creative Writing. I never agreed then either. Mean and women can sweat just fine. I have never seen anyone glow, from the heat anyway, more of the sprayed on tan look.

I don't like "pure" sunny days, I need clouds. It is one of those things that are in me that I don't know why. I need just the thinnest sprinkle of white in the blue. Where an all blue, hot day can depress me one with rain and a breeze energizes me.  Go figure. I didn't plan it this way but that is how my brain fires at certain things.

Today was a record high of 94 instead of our usual 70's. It is not officially summer and I am whining. A storm will be by in a couple of days and the summer people will be whining. That's one of the things I love about Utah - the weather changes on a dime. One thing remains the same: on hot, cloudless sunny days, I whine.

Kennecott Copper Mines

The most wonderful place on earth, for me, is anywhere my daughter and grand kids are. The 2nd most wonderful place, for me, is Kennecott Copper Mines here in Salt Lake City, Utah. Spectacular, breathtaking, astounding, and awesome are words you hear from visitors all around you. It doesn't matter what age, the site of this magnificent achievement and ongoing progression leaves you nearly speechless. The colors of the rocks, the rainbow flecks of light in incredible magnitude that bounce off the sunshine. The nonstop regiment of trucks the size of bungalows that appear to be small Tonka Trucks keep you mesmerized as they come and go up treacherous rocky carved out roads to dump or pick up new loads. If you've never been or heard of it, I highly recommend you read or check on the Internet for references and pictures of the Utah Kennecott Copper Mines. The story how it's inception is itself riveting. The immigrants who came from all over the world to work the mine.

Being terrified of heights it is unusual how much I love it. It takes a few minutes for me to be gingerly walked to the railings so I can look across this amazing expanse. But once I am there, I have to be pried away. Like people on a beach, sailing, hiking, riding... there is an unexplainable peace I feel when I am there. It is my look into man's ability to progress; the thinkers who dream beyond, and the believers who make it happen. I can't get back there soon enough, perhaps this time I'll pack a lunch.

www.kennecott.com/visitors-center/take-a-virtual-tour  
www.kennecott.com

Learning

I see my neighbor kick his dog just ONE more time and I make a phone call. Somehow he thinks you need to toughen a dog and he has a 6 yr old son he is teaching to toughen up. What is this world coming to? Why would  you toughen a German Shepard around a child who is a little tough guy himself? Watching with my eyes wide open. Am I one of the few who can not turn away and say that is not my problem? It doesn't make you friends, but it helps me sleep at night.

Just learned something the docs haven't figured out yet. When I am on Cephlexon, my lymphoma skin disease blows up something awful. It is a trigger. I am learning. Also, I learned that if you take Cephlexon with Metformin (for diabetes) it makes the Metformin stay in your system longer and can lower your sugar too far and get dangerous.  Slowly, I am lovin the Internet but I must explain that I only go to trusted sites. Not looking for spam or amateur opinions when it comes to my health.


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Barbecue

Well, my Thursday temporary crown plopped onto my tongue last night and I nearly swallowed it. So, I suspect I will be on a run to the dentist for a better cement job.
Today was great at work. Although it stayed busy the whole shift everyone was in a good mood and the time actually went by fast. I hurried home, changed and drove to my daughters for the barbecue. Hamburgers, hot dogs, chips and dips and freshly made potato salad. It was nice to get away from everything and concentrate only on the grand kids and family. The outside world took a leave of absence and the backyard became the universe. It was a grand afternoon.
Received more info that the family is still planning on moving in but possibly not for a couple of months. They have to get their home ready to rent as well as get things in my basement assembled so they can live relatively comfortably with their own privacy.
Hopefully, I can get the blood tests Wed. I shouldn't keep putting it off but I am nervous and just do not want anymore bad news. I know. Better to find out now if something is wrong or all is well. Ok, you win. Wednesday it is. 

Respect

I usually do countdowns on facebook. I love music so much that it is a way for me to enjoy a song and share it with anyone who is interested, whether it is for Christmas, Valentine's, Mother's Day, etc. I wanted to countdown to Memorial Day but this year the venom is greater than ever on some of the You Tube sites that show soldiers and emotional stories to the particular song. From respect and appreciation so much of it was anger and obscenity laced politically incorrect garbage that I withdrew. They wore me out.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That is the huge, most important hole in the values of the world. Unless someone is military or inside their church, how often do you hear, "Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Thank you. let me help you, I appreciate it".......  Seldom, right? And is it not music to your ears? But it shouldn't be that way. You have every right to expect that behavior when you open your eyes, walk out the door and interact with the world.
I lost friends in the Vietnam War; my husband served and gratefully survived. The year I lived on the US Navy Base in Yokosuka, Japan I saw things at the hospital there I will never forget. I heard stories from military personnel while working on the base that took my breath away. I cried often.
I prefer to remember and pray for all those soldiers, from the Civil War to today. who willingly place themselves in harm's way to protect and promote the values and successes of a truly free country."To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause."  I celebrate them with tears, love and hopes that a peaceful world can one day be a reality. Until that time, I remain dedicated and overwhelmed with pride beyond music and  words

My Blogs

Please keep in mind that my blogs, if you haven't already noticed, are sporadic and will jump from my past, to the future and back to today. I don't plan it that way, but have lived a life since my earliest memories that are filled with adventure, horror, love, redemption, anxiety disorders from past experiences. I never moved far away and on occasion I run into one to two of those who should be in jail for what they did to me, people who knew what torture I went through in this foster home but turned the other way until I was freed 4 yrs later and all they could say was they were sorry. I should have, I wanted to, I couldn't stand what they did to you, I thought someone would help you, I know you're family but we were busy,and the list goes on. So often, as I go above having rebuilt my life and keeping my immediate family tight around me, I occasionally am forced back to a dark, awful place.

In my blogs, when you read what you may feel are silly fears and concerns of mine, please take a moment to remember that as a child your strongest memories are framed and corner stoned into who you are. Many parents today have no clue that their mistakes and disinterest will affect their children for the rest of their lives. You lucky ones who grew up in a stable home should never take it for granted. You were blessed and as you've grown up and raised your children as you were, the world becomes a better place.

Sometimes I live vicariously through my friends and love hearing and sharing their happy childhoods and memories, joys of their times with their parents. I am grateful for them being in my life,

The Best Laid Plans

I thought people would be grumpy today at work doing their last minute shopping for the Memorial Day Weekend but they weren't. Yay. Glad to have the next two days off as I am certain they will be incredibly busy. Oh, crap!  I WORK Memorial Day! And I just made plans to spend the day with my daughter and the family barbecuing and playing cards. Aw, Gees. I hate it when my brain keeps things from me. I was happy to have the weekend off and avoid the rush. And I am working the holiday.

Well, that certainly changes my outlook. Ok. That's ok. My mouth is still real tender from all the work done yesterday and last week and my stomach is still bad soooo  I will go straight there when I get off, kick my feet up and play cards. I will settle for a half a day over no day anytime.

Funny, how the mind works. I knew I've been working Mon and Fri's since I went back... but I just didn't connect this Monday being a work day. I won't complain as I am so grateful to have a job that is so tolerant of my health issues. Today, I got a raise of 12 cents. It sounds small, but it makes a difference. It is more than yesterday.

I Think I Skipped Today

I think I skipped today. I have been here all day making phone calls, paying bills and making a dash for Frito's Butter Puffs. I did laundry. But, somehow I feel like today was just a number on the calender. A day when all that I've done feels like it was all just deja vu and today hasn't taken place yet. The street was quiet, void of echoing voices, traffic and nature. Could it be that simple?  All of the "theys" that are part of my daily exercise of life weren't there today and I felt as if in another dimension.

We take for granted the rustle of leaves, the whir of wings flapping, feet skipping, tires rumbling. They are just a small few of the canvas that is us. For some reason, this was a day without color or sound. Rod Serling, writer and producer of Twilight Zone TV series, would have surely written about today. I am glad it is nearly over... not that is has been awful. It has just been.

Sylvia called it a day

Sylvia called it a day yesterday. Her life was like the canvas she brilliantly filled with oil flowers and landscapes, seeing all the beauty life had to offer. She was doing so much better after having been sick for nearly 2 years. She was back to shopping and sharing her contagious laugh and smile.  Even at her weakest she would find something to smile about. I've known her over 40 years. She married my husband's good friend and they live just a mile down the road. She was 10 years older than Dale and everyone was sure it would never last... they were happy together for 40 years. She will be missed.

Compromise

I haven't left the house today. I watched the hummingbirds and bees fighting over the nectar. I watched the male finches fighting the females over the seeds. Everyone was hungry. Soon there were two hummingbirds at a time on the feeder and 5 finches clinging to the seed sock. They seemed to realize that a little compromise was necessary if anyone was to get enough to eat.It took some time before I picked up a little life lesson from it. 

I am hungry and have been for so long. I can't keep fighting the insulin that lets me get away with things I shouldn't eat. It's easy to think, it's okay because I'll up the insulin to make up for what I ate. I am hungry, and like the birds, if I want to survive I "have" to compromise and share the truth of my illnesses with the insulin and find a common ground we can agree to.

On a quiet, laid back day, I learned an invaluable lesson from the hummingbirds and finches.

The Reveal

I've put this off a few days but it is silly. I just thought if I had a couple more days things would change but they haven't.  My body is turning back to January before all of the scopes, scans and blood tests.
The pain in my stomach is back now most of the day. Food isn't digesting like it was and is back to slow and miserable. Today I choked in the grocery store. Off and on fevers are back along with the rest. I guess I should state, however, how grateful I am the colonoscopy revealed the precancerous polyps and they are gone. The way I feel now, though, I don't know if waiting 3 yrs is long enough for a new scope. Maybe 2.

So I am sad tonight. I still have blood tests and a thyroid test coming this week and hope those are fine. I am at wits end how to deal with getting strong and eating and walking more. Sugars are way up, I think, because mostly all I can eat are carbs.

I don't want to seem sniffley and sound like a whiner. For all that is wrong with me I usually keep my spirits up but I am allowing myself to be sad tonight.  Tomorrow I start fighting the fight again.

Retail

Having agoraphobia (fear of people that's not quite disabling) and being a cashier at a superstore is in itself a contradiction.  I don't look down the line or I can't breathe so I take the customers (or guests as Target calls them) one face at a time. I've started to ring up my daughter or next door neighbor and not known it until I look up. It happens often.. luckily most of them know my fear and just wait for me to look up before they say "Hi".

For some reason today, things just kept happening in line that made me look up and down the line to see too many faces. I have songs in my head to take off when this happens. One is the beginning of the song Soul Sister by Train: (Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. Hey, Hey) :) it has a good tune I promise. One of the other songs is "Tan Shoes and Pink Shoe Laces" from the early 60's I think. It works wonders. A few cases of intentional fraud couponers I caught and a short change artist. I got him confused. It all worked out.

I get frustrated with cashiers I know (NOT at my Target) that let their attitudes show and are rude or bored with the guest. Good I am not a manager as I would write them up, then out the door if it kept happening. Too many people need work.You smile, talk politely and thank them every single time. That is the retail rule. It is also what will keep or lose a good guest.

Nothing Is As It Seems

It smells like rain, but it's hardly hit the ground. It smells like fire, but it is on the other side of the mountain.

 Nothing is as it seems tonight. Since at least junior ( middle) high school I've had these periodic episodes where my senses get altered. I feel a dark or ominous cloud over me. My husband and daughter would bare witness to it. Within a few days, bad, sad or traumatic events occur to people who are close to me.. "almost" always in threes.  Long time can pass between the happenings, it's nothing regular or a special fete. I don't know what the  words are.  But I am so seldom wrong that my family always listens closely when I have them.

Nothing is as it seems tonight.  I have an almost uncomfortable feeling of calm, that feels tethered to a darkness hanging over me. It feels like I am preparing for  bad news but have no sense of direction it will come from. I'm relieved the times I am wrong, always bewildered when I am right. As things are right now, I am counting on being wrong.

Forward Progress

Don't you hate when the Novocaine wears off before you get out of the dentist's chair? It's been 6 hrs and I am beginning to feel a lot better. More work next week on the other side. Forward Progress.

I have an progress interview at work this Friday and am a little nervous. I know they were overly concerned when I choked at work. They wouldn't fire me, would they? No, they couldn't..they still have to employ me after to permanent injury to the base of my thumb. Or could they? Ok, this is about as long as I am going to stress over it. On Friday, I will see if it even mattered. I mean, anyone could keel over from a stroke, or heart failure or something. You can't fire someone because they scared the pants off you as you went blue in the face.    You really had to be there.

Still working on trying to find food to eat. Some main staples remain the same, however off they may sound to you. I can still eat: Smuckers Peanut Butter & Strawberry Jam frozen sandwiches, Frito Lay's Butter Puffs (my mainstay), Saltines, Ice Coffee, Shelled Pistachios (carefully with the throat), Tostito's Salsa on top of Saltines, cinnamon flavored diced peaches.  That is the standard that has helped me all week long... Lots of blood tests coming up this week. Gotta feeling I am going to get yelled at for high blood sugar but heck, most of all I can eat is carbs. I am just trying to survive here. Wish me luck on that day.

Misc.

Tomorrow is the root canal just beneath the latest extraction. Nothing will go wrong. And there's no place like home. I've been two for two going wrong. Tomorrow will be the start of things going right at the dentist. 

I am noticing at work that more people are paying with cash than ever. That is what has helped me. It is so much harder taking out the actual money and handing it over than quickly swiping a card.  It is more apparent you just spent money.

Tonight is going to be mellow. I'm recording America's Got Talent and Glee while I watch NCIS. A evening full of pajamas and my Butter Puffs.

Lyp and Chemo Pills

Early visit today with my dermatologist regarding my Lyp (Lymphomatoid Papulosis).  12 yrs of staying one step ahead of this rare lymphoma skin cancer. I had to have a liver biopsy 2 yrs ago because of all the methotrexate (chemotherapy pills) I have to take and was given a pass but a noted slight thickening of the liver. Today new blood tests were ordered and he has asked me to try cutting out one pill per week for 2 months and then cutting another pill a week for 2 months, then a new followup. I've never been down to 4 pills per week. I started at 10. 

3 months ago I messed up. For 6 weeks I took methotrexate AND folic acid on the same day which is a huge no-no as the folic acid renders the methotrexate useless. I broke out in sores, literally, from the top of my scalp to my toes. It took 2 1/2 months to get back to where I was before that. So, cutting back on the pills does make me a little nervous, I also don't want a destroyed liver.

1 year ago I lost a good friend of 30 years because of the damage done to her liver by the  methotrexate. She was in a study and never knew for certain how much of the drug she was given through the years. She had wicked rheumatoid arthritis in her hands. Until then, she was an incredible artist. She did a sketch for me to use with a short story I entered in a church contest and won first place. I always felt that her sketch had a large impact. Today brought back her words of caution to me a few months before she died. "Be careful"  I get light box treatment once a week, that also helps. Perhaps, less meds, more light. As I learned again today, doctors are still learning about the disease. There are so many challenges at my door, but I am always ready to stand them down. I've been winning and plan to continue to win. I must adapt and alter things in my life, I won't be absorbed by the distractions. Life is wondrous and I plan on marvelling at all it's wonders for a very long time.

Mother's Day 2012

With the exception that my poor daughter is home sick in bed, it has been a quiet but wonderful Mother's Day today. As usual, my husband got up early and raced to buy me a card still managing to find the perfect one.  We are saving the special dinner for a couple of weeks when I can eat a little better.  Texas Roadhouse is where I've been longing to go since last November. I always get the Roadkill which is the ground sirloin steak, baked potato with extra butter and sour cream and a sweet potato with the works to bring home for later. Excellent. I intend to groan with delight and savor every morsel. Definitely worth the wait.

Not everybody has someone for Mother's Day.  If you know someone who is alone, please stop by or give them a call.  It takes little time and reaps enormous rewards.

Sorry, Mom.

What went wrong in my mind that it took from 1968 to now to discover how old my mother was when she died?  Her death, by suicide, occurred when I was 17. I am not up to going back there tonight, as it may as well have been yesterday still.

All the years I've gone to her grave site, left the flowers and occasional notes I "never" read the year of her birth.  I told people in the past that she died at 42, and so did Elvis. Quite a few people I knew or were celebrities died at 42. Just like my mom. Or so I thought.

I just sat with her at the cemetery and began to brush off the headstone like I always did when for the first time I "really" saw the year of her birth:  1923.  She died in 1968. She was 45 when she died. It may sound trivial to you but to me, I feel I horribly disrespected her. How could I possibly have gone to visit her so many times in the past, cleaned the headstone, placed the flowers, cried the tears and not have ever seen the year until now? I believe in life after death with all my heart and with that same heart I know it doesn't matter to her. That she loved, loves and will always love me as her daughter that broke the day she died.  She paid it no mind the day I first got it wrong. I should be so kind to myself.

Choking

So I have to worry about choking. Check. But I did not even think for a moment it might happen at work and right in the middle of a transaction with no food or drink the culprit. All I did was speak as I leaned over and took out money. I choked on my own saliva. I will save you the drama but it was quite awful. I have this esteem problem which didn't improve with this. It caused me to dry heave so badly trying to get in air in the restroom that I honestly thought for a moment I was having a massive heart attack. The pain that shot through my chest was incredible. Since it happened I am afraid to eat or drink which is silly, I know. It didn't last long, but felt like forever.

So Many Errands

The past couple of days have been filled with so many errands that I have been too tired to write. Last night I just sat here thinking of what to type and couldn't do it.

Amazing how things work. The newspaper no sooner published an article on how Utah roadways were safer and fewer fatalities than in the past when all Hell broke loose. In the past 2 days there have been several horrific fatal accidents. We used to see an increase due to "road rage" and now it is more than ever "distracted driving". You know what I am talking about. Constantly aware now of the car next to me as more often now the car will drift over as they are on the phone or texting. It is not so much now that you think there is a drunk driver ahead of you, as a distracted driver and sure enough when you get up to them, they are on the phone. I know we all have moments when we feel we need to make that quick call..but to sit and gab and laugh and expect to manage your 2,000lb vehicle? Deadly.

My son-in-law's surgery is coming up Monday so all attempts and moving, cleaning, etc has come to a pause. He has a huge hernia that;s about to strangulate so they're doing exploratory at the same time to check everything out. Seems they missed this one 2 yrs ago when he had surgery for Diverticulitis...
He will need 1 wk off his feet, then 1 wk light work.. hopefully it will be a quick recovery. He hates not constantly doing something. 

As for me, I get tired of complaining. I still can't eat much without getting sick. I try to stick to mellow foods and things that won't get stuck in my throat. If I could just get my insulin down.  I have a lot of blood test coming up soon.. I want a thyroid test. They did one 2 yrs ago and it should I was low; they chose to redo the test and it said it was normal. They chose the latter but I've always wondered if they shouldn't have done a 3rd to be sure which was right. I can't lost a pound tho I starve. I should at least be losing some weight with all this. We will figure it out yet!

I Won!

No signs of any more hummingbirds. This one may have been a fluke. Drats.  Still, it shouldn't be more than a few days.

I am so excited. I won 4 tickets to the Utah Blaze game. (Indoor arena football). After the sports broadcast on KUTV2 News Saturday night they offered 4 free tickets to the person whose twitter they chose. Moi!
I got the word the next morning. "You win." Short and sweet.
Tomorrow I am picking up the voucher from the front desk at the television station. I don't know what game they are for yet. Oh, tickle me pink. Nothing's better than a dose of unexpected joy.

Hummingbird

Saw our first hummingbird...shimmering green with a white throat outlined in black. The season has begun. We love every morning and evening watching them come in to feed and fend off intruders. It delights us more every year.I want to see if National Geographic has a book after their documentary about the Hummingbirds. It was fantastic! They said many of the birds are no longer just staying in the same places.. some are migrating to other parts of the US and the world at large. It still amazes me that their eggs are the size of a Tic Tac.

It may be hard to understand but when I was on radio I was my completely true self. I would come to work with a horrible cold, sinuses or pneumonia a couple of times but the moment I turned the mike on I was mostly healthy. If the listeners heard a sniffle I would get calls for remedies. If I said I got sunburned they called in with cures. I was not afraid of anyone, even though in talking politics the conversations could get very heated. I felt safe, in control and sure of myself.  But then, the show would end and by the drive home I was my same old insecure, scared of the dark, strangers and bogeymen. I can't explain the protection that mike gave me. There are stories out there of what some hosts go through with unstable listeners - from being stalked, threatening letters and obsessive behavior to get your attention.  I do want to try doing it from home but still have people to meet with and see if a podcast is reasonable and inexpensive.

This N That

Today at work was a big reminder of why I fear people.Let me premise that because of a freak injury to my right hand thumb joint which was destroyed by a falling large, glass bottle of Olive Oil, I am delegated to the Express Lane: Can't work over 3 hrs tops. Can't lift anything over 5 lbs but I have to a few times a shift. First 2 hrs most sales are for lunch or quick  first aid, hair color or a Wedding Gift, etc.Very few heavy things come through.. but inevitably some do and I make do how I can.  If I were in a regular lane there'd be carts chuck full of cans, large and small, too many things I can't lift. My joint rubs bone against bone and (hurts badly) but I've learned little tricks to using the left hand or guiding things across the palm of my hand and saving the thumb whenever possible.

I was told by 2 cashier team leaders that I am one of the quickest cashiers on the Express Lane so I consider that I huge accomplishment since most of the time is painful and I am able to keep that away from the guests. I make it a goal to make it almost impossible to know I am hurting.  Sometime this fall, I hope the company will allow the surgery. Right now, I may need a cortisone shot to get me thru the summer rush. Want to be healing by Christmas rush.  Have I said how wonderful Target has been to me? I will say it again. They never make me feel like an imposition and go out of their way to keep up my morale. I know sometimes they see I need to squeeze my joint and shake the pain out but I try to hide it.

Sorry, a bit chatty tonight. Lots and lots on my mind. My son in law has to have major surgery on a hernia they missed after surgery for diverticulitis that is on the verge of strangulating... and are performing exploratory to make certain they didn't miss more. We are lucky he is alive. Everything burst during the surgery but their quick thinking and fast action saved his life.

So work of them moving in has slowed a bit as the surgery is next week and we don't want him making things worse before them. He has all summer and needs to slow down. He doesn't take uppers or have ADD, he just is always anxious and like to keep moving and working. It is a chose trying to get him to slow down. Love him. Melanie married well as he is such a gentleman and respectful to us for over 10 yrs now. All in good time. Slow down, get well and all will happen in it's own time.

Well, everything I just wrote went poof! into another dimension. Sorry. Took a while to write, too.

It was just a diatribe about the continued extreme pain from the extraction... Tylenol may as well be plain drinking water. BUT, I am on my way to getting better, being able to chew real good and not always afraid to choke, even though I keep choking.  I t does make life interesting.  ;)

It Was A Tender Mending

It was tender mending. The tooth had been so beat up the past few months that it will take a little longer to heal. The bad news... isn't there always something?  is I need a root canal next Wednesday. They took xrays today and found things they need to take care of. We've spent a year on one extraction that went bad and ended up taking a 2nd tooth so they haven't really checked the rest of me out. One additional root canal may happen in a month, That is ok. By the time they are finally done I may be able to chew steak. Soooo grateful these are far back teeth.

My swallowing and eating is being cruel tonight. I am starving. But I guess that is what the doctor wants. Hah! We definitely need to revisit that issue. I need to buy some protein powder to add to the drinks my husband is making but all I see are flavors. Vanilla, chocolate... is there a "no taste"?  The drinks may be my safest bet in getting some sort of nutrition.  The challenge continues. Anyone with some advice, please leave a comment. I am all ears.. and could use some help.

DARK MOOD

I don't like the mood I am in tonight, it is foreign, oppressive and I need to bid it adieu. For all of the life I can remember, and believe me, the childhood is best forgotten but not, I see the light at the end, bruise with the bumps in the road and adjust my path to unpleasant forks in the road.  It is something I am quietly proud of and try to share with others when they are despairing in some way. You are not a victim, you are a survivor. Every pain or fall allows you to appreciate feeling well and achieving. It is you who decides your spiritual aura, your center of comfort.

Tonight, I didn't listen to the small voice and made poor choices. It seemed to open up bad thoughts and I found myself beginning  to falter and weep for myself when I should be rejoicing. Keep the doors in your mind closed that hold fears and temptations, pity and helplessness. If they open, it is up to you to shut and lock them. Perhaps one day, you will want to visit them, but only when you need to weep or share the fears. It is astounding how powerfully strong bad feelings can be. It takes an even stronger spirit, soul to cause them to retreat to a place away; far from your joy.
Sharing this tonight has already calmed my troubled mood.

Tender Mendings

I've been too tired the past couple of days to put my thoughts  onto the blog.


Tomorrow is the return visit to the dentist for a follow up on the extraction. I followed all the rules but they think I have a dry socket. Lovely. But, I am holding out for just a very tender mending.  It's not such a bad thing, holding our for tender mendings....

Cat Worry

Spring Clean-up trucks are coming by early in the morning so yesterday was a long yard work day..getting ready for the kids to move in made for a lot in the house to go as well. Perfect day for it though..mid 50's and nice breeze.  Today was on the lower 60's. We spent nearly all our energy yesterday and moved like snails but still got things done.

I am now at a stalemate over books. There is a pile to box & store, one to donate and one to keep. I have moved books from pile to pile, causing the donate pile to shrink. You have to know when to stop and go on to something different while that part of your overworked brain recuperates.

If you went back far enough I am pretty sure I told you about Bella. She is a gorgeous, sleek, black Bombay cat with gold eyes. I got her from the pound over a year ago when she was about 7-8 weeks old. After a couple of weeks my allergies went off the chart and by good fortune my daughter adopted her. So she is still in the family. However, the hunter in her came out, the love of outdoors and stalking prey.She brought in 3 birds, 2 snakes and a mouse and almost never uses her cat box because she is outside most of the time. DILEMMA: She is coming back to live here and we don't have a doggie door (yet, anyway)and I am more afraid of her getting hit or attacked by a couple of wild cats that come around.  I am not worried about the allergies so much because as a kitten she would jump on me, scratch and try to lay on my neck or shoulders... now, she is queen of her castle and only schmoozes at bedtime or when hungry. So why am I worrying over this? I don't know either. Everyone else is certain she will be just fine and make herself right at home. Ok, then. But I still feel the need to worry.

Starve for a Year

Argh! Bear with me, if you are new to this blog. Ok. I saw my primary care dr. today. I will try to not con volute the whole thing or draw it out. A few months ago I saw him due to stomach pain, inablility to keep food in, starving (the operative word today) and an intestinal bacterial infection. It all lead to lots of tests that found and corrected some problems (the life saving removal of 4 polyps is just one) weak stomach muscles, semi working epiglottis and newly found degenerative cervical spine ( very stiff, snap, crackle and popping neck)... blah blah.
Today the dr says the neck degeneration is not worrisome.... yet, learn to deal with it. Ok.  When I told him the delayed stomach emptying (gastroparesis) diet called for almost entirely carbs which I can't eat with Diabetes and Cholesterol he pondered. I broke the silence and told him of my suspicions of injecting too high doses of insulin and this was what he told me in a nutshell.  I made a good point and it was entirely possible, BUT, he wants me to go on a strict LOW CARB diet, try to eat a protein now and then and STARVE for a YEAR. During that time I could mess with my insulin and try decreasing the dose to check my theory and see if it helps lower my sugar readings. He said you will probably hate me for the year you are starving but losing some pounds and lowering your insulin will make you live longer in the end. WHAT? 
Did he forget I told him months ago I was STARVING??  The only few foods I could tolerate were carbs? Damn! I had so much to talk with him about in 10 min. time. I was so dumbfounded I took it all in and nodded and promised to STARVE.
So, with a swollen face from the tooth extraction that feels as sore as the first day, a stomach ache from starving all day and a headache from the stress of it all, I will bid you adieu tonight. I bet you are as confused as I am. He had a way of saying it that just messed with my brain until I was on the drive home and it all hit me. Somewhere he simply missed that starving was my issue. Oh, I can't think about this anymore tonight. My poor body and brain is so confused.

Page Views

I wasn't going to post to day; I am so frustrated in hearing that most of my page views are from spammers who want me to click on them to get my info. I finally thought I had a fair share of people who cared and read my blogs. Now, I just don't know.  Google IS aware of this but seems to do nothing to stop these sites they KNOW are doing this.   Grrr.........Rant!!   If no one is here, why continue?  Once again, PLEASE if you enjoy my blogs take a second and become a member...it just takes your email. I am feeling like an idiot posting to no one.

At 9:40 am I see my primary care to find out about the neck and advice on eating.  I think, seriously, my insulin injections are way too high... they don't seem to come down no matter how high or low I inject. It might also be part of the problem.

I will save myself if it kills me.

Ouch

Ouch is just not the word for tooth pain. It is good for stubbing toes, hitting your crazy bone, pulling out the sliver, etc. But the throbbing that goes up your face, into your eye and out the top of your head is just indescribable. So there you have it. That is me at the moment. Anchor tooth became history. Since he sutured this one I can only pray there are no leftover shards of bone like last time.  He would only say we're doing an implant; but not if we'll then retry the bridge or go for another implant which he said someone else would have to do cause it's right at my sinuses. Ok, I am not going there in my mind. One day, tooth at a time. I made him let me pick out a toy from the children's toy box. I have earned it this year.

It will be time for another pain pill when I record Ghost Hunters in the front room, Survivor in the bedroom and American Idol in the office. They all come on at the same time so I record and watch GH, then lend the tape to my daughter. The rest of the evening I spend watching the other two. Wednesday's are my remote and tv night. Channel Flipper usually makes plans so I am on my own to enjoy.

Simplifying

I am enjoying simplifying my life. I started just over 10 years ago when we converted the basement into an apartment for our daughter (our only child, my miracle girl). I simplified again in 2002 when she moved to Oregon for 6 months and I lived out of a suitcase. There was so much joy in being with her and helping that I hadn't time to miss anything material.

Now, I am downsizing again and doing so with much relief. As much as I have given away, I still have more "stuff" than I will ever read or use. It's been fun sitting up and going through the books; some to box up for a couple years, some to give away and some to keep on the shelf.

Tomorrow is another dreaded trip to the dentist. I can pretty well guarantee you that he is going to pull the anchor tooth that won't get better, in fact the past 3-4 days it has become more painful.  I think he will replace it with an implant and then my poor bridge in the drawer. I have this brand new Water Pik flosser just waiting for my new bridge. It's going to be outdated before I get to use it. 

It is Official...

Nothing was as it was supposed to be today. Dan had a large job today but suddenly showed up home a couple hours later and went straight to bed. 3 hours later he came out drinking everything he could and put on a wet shirt. Apparently he had quite a time with heat exhaustion, was vomiting and disoriented. He made it home until he could get his strength. Scared me. He is my rock. Like the trooper he is, he went back to work and got it done.

It is official. Daughter, son-in-law, 2 grand kids are coming back home and living in the basement for a couple of years until they can get caught up on the credit card bills and save enough for a down payment on a larger home on a quiet street, not like the race course they live on. It will take patience on every one of us but we love and respect each other so much, it will simply be an adventure.

Old Habits

My lack of due diligence ( had to use that, all the politicians do) cost me today.The family came over to help get ready for the spring clean up and I let my common sense rest for the day. I had 4 pieces of Hawaiian Pineapple Pizza. I rationalized that chewing real slow would make it ok. Gees, I was wrong. I am paying dearly tonight and not a happy camper. It truly does take a lot of thinking to overcome old habits and start fresh. My mind tells me one thing but my hunger overrules. Totally, misery of my own making. I am sure some of you have been there. At least I hope I am not alone in the war.

We have a 1968 Mustang that has been sitting idle for just under 10 yrs. Today, at the prompting of our 8 yr old grandson we cleared off the leaves and merely put in a new battery. VROOM! It started on the first try. Andrew is now on Cloud 9 with excitement. We were all surprised. Built Ford Tough was just a commercial until today.

I realized my doctor had never sent me a copy of the swallow studies for my files so I stopped by and picked it up. Imagine my surprise when the first line read, "Initial imaging demonstrates multilevel degenerative changes of the cervical spine."  I just thought I had a creaky neck that was a little more difficult to turn and look behind my left and right side. The right stops early and I can't look back. I crackle like gravel some days but never gave it thought. Now, I accidentally discover my cervical spine is degenerating. Beats me why neither the swallow technician or my primary care doctor thought to tell me of that little tidbit as I've since learned that caution should be exercised to avoid neurological damage or paralysis.  I will ponder this some other day. This is not the day.

I learned today that my daughter, her husband and 2 children will be moving in with us sometime this summer or early fall. They live on a horribly dangerous street. This way they can also save some money to put down on a larger home as their's was quite small. It will be a test of patience for everyone. We love each other more than I could say but quarters will be tight. The basement has 2 bedrooms, one with a bath and tub/shower. The other just a small closet but a toilet in the small laundry room. Then they'll have a long space for a gas stove, sink and some shelves and drawers. The other half will be a frontroom with the couch, chairs and tv. Their own private entrance into their living quarters. I want them to feel it is "their" place. It will help them financially and help me as I get so lonely and have missed having them here since they moved out in about 2005 or 2006. Melanie worries about my health and being alone so often. God will help us. The home will be filled with love.

Peace and Joy..

Friends

True friends, friends, friendships and acquaintances. They are each different in many ways, important ways, but in this high tech, hurry-up, me first world we don't pay it much attention until we get smacked in the forehead. Pow. Something said or done suddenly stops you in your tracks. Literally stops you, makes you think hard. Up becomes down. You collect your thoughts and realize that your definition was not the same. Someone you thought was a true friend, was not. Or an acquaintance says things to imply more of a friendship than you are comfortable with... you see what I mean? We are so rushed to abbreviate our words and our time that we are actually abbreviating our feelings as well.

I finally felt the smack in the forehead. I now have to adjust my feelings about it so I can let it go.  In a few months time I have transitioned from having what I felt was a true friend, to a friend. Now, it's time to accept that the friend is a friendship and be content with that. The world has been tumbling, in need of repair and as troubles confound us we have stronger needs to reach out to someone. Never stop reaching out, there's always someone there but not always to the depth you want them.  A professor lectured at the Univ.of Utah many years ago that if you can count how many "true" friends you have on more than "one" hand, you need to reanalyze what a "true" friend is.

Mirrors

I have had it up to here with mirrors today. Dreadful. I don't ask for the truth when I look, I just want to see. I want to put the make-up on, comb the hair, confirm the attire is in place. I don't want to see a wrinkle that showed up overnight, a cowlick or snug pants.

However, just days ago someone thought I was my daughter's sister. You see? You can find the right balance to a negative thought. It just took me a little extra time tonight.

A Figure 8 Day

Today has been a Figure 8 day, lots of left and rights and no straight aways. First, this Vita Mix juicer may put me over the edge. The Channel Flipper, my husband, finally got it out of the box and began to experiment without a lot of help from the recipe book. He threw in some red onion... just because he could. That was this morning. I don't know what he did but late tonight the house still smells like red onion. 

Work went well with only a couple of miscues. I walked up and typed in my team member number without even thinking (got on the bike) and began ringing up the lunch crowd. Several actually asked me where I had been but I spared them the details (peddling). Then came the lady who always starts to eat her lunch in line; remember I am starving to spare my stomach til I get home. Her choice today was sushi and the smell of the fish was as strong as the fish farm in Park City; she had a piece of something in the corner of her mouth and stuck out her tongue to whip it back in.. (crashed). I didn't barf. I don't know why because there was never a better justification... but I persevered. (No blood trail.) I call that success.   That was the only hiccup and I am not at all worried about Thursday.

Went to Barry's viewing tonight but said goodbye a room away. For many years and many reasons but for a few exceptions, I say goodbye a room away. I believe that the deceased soul is in the room and understands. Even when my mom died just before my 18th birthday I did not look in the casket. Oh, some people were aggravated with me, called me disrespectful, but I knew where mom was and it wasn't in there. But she was in the room.  There's nothing wrong with saying goodbye a room away.

Back To Work Jitters

To say I am nervous about going back to work tomorrow after 3 months medical leave is an understatement. I know it's like falling off a bike, but I was never very good on a bicycle. In fact, my last time riding a bike was my senior year in high school. I still have the 2" scar on my ankle. I left a trail of blood on the street, up the driveway and to the back door that looked right out of a movie.

Back to the job. My stomach is still awful so I can't eat before work.I am thinking Gatorade at the check stand and some Teddy Grahams in my pocket.There's going to be a new team leader that I've never worked with before and I just learned they forgot to brief her on my medical leave, hand injury and need for the Express Lane only.Wow, it sounds like I am quite the pickle, but I am a good hard worker and worth the effort. I just paid myself a compliment, that rarely happens so I won't delete it.
I have self-esteem issues; I think everyone has, whether they have too much or too little.

It "Was" A Beautiful Day

It is hard to appreciate the blue of the sky when emotional clouds come your way.

This morning I learned a  high school classmate, Barry, had suddenly passed away. He was involved in a serious motorcycle accident in the middle of last year and was poked full of rods and screws. A member of the band and acting class in school he was one of the few to actually fulfill his dream of being on stage and participated in many big, State productions, including "The Phantom of the Opera".
Just weeks ago he reported his improvements and mobility; of course, anxious to get back on his motorcycle.  Just 5 days ago he was accepting friends on Face book. Then he suffered a freak fall and died. Like that, a sudden end to what was a beginning. Just a close of the eyes and I see him like yesterday standing on the stage we shared our Senior Year...He played my father and I was Alice Sycamore in "You Can't Take It With You".  His final curtain call too soon.

15 minutes ago my grandson called. "Grandma, I have something to tell you." "What is that, honey?" "Slurpee is dead." Slurpee was their pet guinea pig, but ownership belonged to my granddaughter. 
"I am so sorry, what happened? "I don't think he got enough Vitamin C. and Abby is crying. I wanted you to know.I have to go help take care of business." Aged 8 and 10, this is their first close taste of loss of a loved one.

 

Friday the 13th

I am amazed I let Friday, the 13th go by without a mention. I married my Channel Flipper on Friday the 13th  in Tokyo, Japan while he was in the Navy during the Vietnam War. As we walked into the US Embassy we both commented that we were glad it was Saturday the 14th. Hah! Neither of us had done the Time Zone equations.We wouldn't have waited anyway.. it took almost a year to save enough money to fly and meet him, he was in port for only a short time and love was raging. We opened the door and the largest calender I'd ever seen said FRI, MAR 13th. We just looked at each other and started to laugh. It has been our lucky number ever since and yes, we always use 13 on lottery tickets..winning once in a while ($8.00) power ball. Very once in a while.

Tonight I watched my daughter sing in a double quartet singing The Star Spangled Banner acapella at a church function . It was great. The simple things in life. No cameras, producers, re-takes and commercial breaks; just real people giving what they have to you.

It's Name Is Ledge

Since it sounds ridiculous and isn't easy to spell, let alone the looks I get when I say "epiglottis" I will from here on refer to it as "the ledge". That's what I always thought it was, how I referred to whatever it was that was causing me to choke, cough and sometimes aspirate (that is scary). 
Tonight I must say farewell to my favorite Busch's Baked Beans. No matter how well you chew they have such a fine skin that can easily attach to your ledge like it did mine.Frightening moment grabbing water and trying to gulp but couldn't.. remember, gulping can cause you to aspirate and I was already doing that.  Yes, definitely noted in the diet journal.

Today was not the stormy day they forecast, it decided to splinter around the state and pass by sometime tonight. It was beautiful, warm enough to leave the sweater home but cool enough to put a swing in your step. I got fascinated in a parking lot watching this large machine with a hammer drill on the end, poke holes and knock chunks out of the recently vacated FYI Music Store. (Now where am I going to sell my used CD's?) There is something about watching destruction. Things going up are not nearly as interesting as things being knocked down.

Wouldn't you know it?

Wouldn't you know it? First thing I got up this morning I learned that Utah (Southern) had an earthquake as well.. a 4.3. I thought things only happened in three's.


It is another Pepto Bismol day today. Thank goodness for my Butter Flavored Puffs; no matter how my stomach feels I can have some to stem the cramps or nausea. I have no idea why but they work for me. Dehydration is starting again; before I got sick I loved water and now I don't even think to drink it. I will carry it around in the car and not take the lid off. I used to drink 2-3 bottles a day of Strawberry Kiwi Crystal Light until I learned the ingredients, The other flavored waters I've tried just don't have the taste I seem to need. I am wondering if  a watered down Kool Aid would work? Not overly sweet but more flavor than the waters?  Thinking, thinking. I may just try it.


I wish life were simpler, that just one thing was wrong and just one diet would fix it, but I also wish someone would send me a million dollars. I try not to waste too much time on wishes but rather on  achievements; getting myself from here to there.

Can't Sleep

Sorry, I am having trouble getting to sleep tonight. The mind just won't  mellow out for me.


Within the past 24 hrs there has been an 8.6 earthquake in Indonesia, a 6.5 in Mexico and a 5.9 off the coast of Oregon. I am terrified of earthquakes. I didn't give them much thought until I lived in Japan for a year during the Vietnam War from Feb 1970 to March 1971. Japan averages 3 quakes a day, I know I felt on an average of 1-2 a day. Your life, during those times, was to run under a doorway, a desk or to an open area if you had the time. I know what they sound like in the ocean, under your feet and being knocked back and forth in my small home. In Utah I live very near a fault; that fact is never lost on me and one of the first things we bought was earthquake insurance.
When Japan had their horrific quake and tsunami my heart broke and it took little to imagine their terror and running and ducking and praying.

A Great Day.

It has been a great day today. I woke up late, with ambition yet and ran several errands without needing assistance. IT took me 2 hrs to do 1 hrs worth of shopping but I kept it slow to not overtire and it worked. Usually, I am exhausted by mid afternoon.  I accomplished a lot today.

I was extra cautious with food and avoided trouble there. Things are looking up. I am due soon to see how my triglycerides. cholesterol, diabetes and liver is doing. I began new cholesterol pills I was unsure about and my blood sugar won't come below 175-225. Once I get those results I can better keep supplied in the right foods. I used to love eating.. Hamburgers, fries, chili, crab,,,, oh I am making myself hungry.

I was asked how I always keep so happy. It is because I love being alive. If I can't always actively participate, I share the joy of others. My family loves me h ow I am, how could I ever complain when so loved.

The Bridge Down The Line

If I seem distracted I am typing this while listening to local talk radio and crazy people are distracting, especially when you can hear they are medicated in one form or another. Late night radio does that. I should know.. my radio show was always late night. You gotta love them but patience is a must.

The dentist wants to wait at least another two weeks to put in the bridge, even then if there is the tiniest discomfort he will postpone it again. After what he considers is extra reasonable time and there is still the problem we have to discuss an implant. I think, he thinks, that will be my cost. Hmmm, don't dare comment how I feel about that.He does everything for free (outside of the $2,000) I paid, am still paying for the original bridge. All revisits and temps and new temps are free.

Got stupid once again. I was starving and ate two very rich mini cupcakes. That was at 2 pm, it is now 11 pm  and I am still paying for it. Try to believe that I did not even give it a thought. before i ate them. When you always feel like you are starving and still creating your own diet, you screw up. I screwed up.

I Wish I Was In Wendover

Did you see Bubba Watson in Augusta yesterday? Wow.Never mind the forest his golf ball was in.

My dentist called me twice today. He will not put in the bridge tomorrow but wants to "sit down" with me and figure out our next move. Ohhhh I hated the sound of that. It doesn't type well either. I just know he is going to pull what was a perfectly normal tooth until he prepped it to anchor the bridge.Then what?
I wish I was in Wendover, Utah playing the penny slots right now. You can't think with all the noise and color and movement. Concentration comes later.

Beautiful Easter Morning

Ir's an incredibly beautiful Easter Morning here in Utah. In a couple of hours we will be going over to my daughter's in-laws for the annual dinner and Easter Egg Hunt. I am taking my new camera to continue the bonding. Her in-laws kind of adopted Dan and I after we lost his parents, my dad and both my lifelong foster parents all within 4 years. We now go to their house for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. At my daughter's house we have a barbecue in the summer. It's special how they've just taken us in..all the youngest those years ago treat us exactly as family they grew up with. We are so lucky.

I will have to be cautious what I eat and continue logging things down. The last few days my stomach has been better than a very long time since I'm being  careful.

However, the retreat of the root canal for the bridge is not going so well. There is still discomfort with a minor bite down. Tuesday is my appointment to again get the bridge but I have a feeling it won't happen.They called me Friday. The dentist is nervous that there may be a hairline fracture that may have occurred when he prepared the tooth to anchor the bridge.   I will hope for the best.
You should never run out of a supply of Hope. 

It's Official - I'm On The Schedule

I was tickled to see today that I am finally back on Target's schedule. Even before the medical leave I can only work 3 hr. shifts due to an on the job injury I incurred over a year ago in a freak accident between me and a large bottle of olive oil. It got knocked over and popped the base of my right thumb and destroyed the joint. I've been getting by, so far, on cortisone shots ...which I need soon since feeling better I am doing more and using the thumb which is once again screaming with pain. IF the shot works it lasts several months. Target is paying everything and the upcoming surgery when I tell them it is time and no more shots. Also, from a bad broadside and younger injury I have permanent spinal pinching and bulging discs. I live with that ok, just can't stand in one spot over 3 hrs or the leg goes numb and buckles - not too entertaining for the customers... (at Target, we refer to them as "guests", not customers.)
I cannot give up my Saltines (Premium is the top of the list for me). No dry foods. But, ahah! Don't shudder. Every morning I have a cup of Starbuck's Ice Coffee and dunk a Saltine in until it is softened and eat it. I have never choked on one and it doesn't hurt my stomach. It goes on my list of what I can eat without trouble. Oh, this journal is going to be unique indeed.
Another lesson, I will need to purchase a bag of straws. Even at home I am more often than not choking or getting water stopped midway down my throat. A straw eliminates the problem for me.
Might go the a restaurant supply house and get them real cheap. Getting sick put us in the red real fast.