The Keystone Kops

Everyone made me a promise. I would get to sleep in no matter what. Kids would tip-toe even.
But I realized early on with the bangs, footsteps up and down and up and down, back door slamming every 5 minutes, drawers opening and closing that this was no usual morning and sleeping in was going to be made up another day.

First off, Dan misplaced his wallet. The last time he did I thought he would go into shock and need therapy.  We found it sideways and skewered in between metal bars in his car that he had searched at least 7-8 times. The only time he lost it before that was in the 80's and I found it quite unexpectedly in the freezer. To this day, he denies he put it there but we did not have a resident ghost then so the buck stops with him.

Today, Dan me and my son-in-law, Bob searched everywhere over and over again. I maintained it had to be somewhere between coming home from work and changing clothes but, no, they checked many times and it was not there. The poor car must have felt violated they searched it so intensely. I begged them to make one last SLOW search of yesterday's clothes change. BINGO! The wallet had been right in plain sight the whole time but lying against a piece of wood close in color.

Moments later I heard a muffled voice, "Kathy? Kathy" A little help. Kathy?" Of course I was in the bathroom - that is when the doorbell rings, the phone rings and people yell, "Kathy?" I rushed out yelling, "Yes. What?"  "Kathy, can you help me?"  I look out the kitchen door to the porch and there is poor Bob holding his hands unable to open the door as he is BLEEDING PROFUSELY all over the place. I open the door and to the kitchen sink and eventually get the finger, sliced while cutting a wire towards him instead of away (lesson learned) cleaned, wrapped and taped. Being a typical male the thought of getting it stitched was out of the question as he couldn't see the bone so would be fine.

And that, my friends, was all before 10:00 a.m.  The rest of the day was peppered with gotcha and what the heck moments but hey, we knew early on it was going to go that way.

Everyone is now in bed but me. I just think the day needed to be documented before I prepared for another one. Some people consider these things as bad luck; we make it a point to consider these things as adventures in life.  Today was full of adventures and we all survived.

10-15-2012

This is the first time I've been able to just sit down to write. Things have been hectic. Dan is having a bad gout flare up in his entire right foot and has been unable to work the last 3 days, I am still hobbling but the grand kids have kept us laughing. Even a short trip to the grocery store takes me twice the time. I don't know if I am learning to be more patient or accepting the fact I don't have a choice right now and whining isn't good for anyone.

I got the call today. I have significant disc degeneration in 5 places. The L4 and L5 are the worst. It showed narrowing at the nerves there.Sponylosis, I think it is called. I haven't called the recommended surgeon. Surgeon?! At least they explained that now they see what is causing the pain and the Prednisone didn't work and actually made it worse it is time for a specialist to re-read the MRI and make his recommendations. Of course I have been Googling like mad but it has made me "not" so nervous.  Surgery is a last resort and I am hoping to hear that rest, heat, massage and P Therapy (which I can't afford so that's not an option-hospital insurance won't cover any of that) will calm it down and I can adjust my lifestyle to it.

They said at 25 your discs begin to age but if you stay in great shape and have no accidents you can stay the disc degeneration by some years. I think with both my broadsides and a couple other small accidents I set it all into motion until it reached the screaming point to get my attention. It certainly has my full attention. I am so much calmer when I know the details.

The mice are coming and leaving little deposits downstairs. Melanie and Abby aren't happy, Bella isn't catching them when we need her to. Hahaha. I wonder if she is rebelling against our behaviour when she brought the last two in.

I had a wonderful lunch with my friend, Tomato Basil Soup and Grilled Cheese. It was good to see him again. It is time for the Class of 68 to get together again for dinner soon. Life is good.

Things are Moving Well

Things are moving along well. Dr. called and I am to hear from the hospital tomorrow to schedule the MRI and set about learning and fixing my legs. Gosh, all my others woes seem so small compared to not being able to walk, sit or stand and can only lay in one crooked, pillowed position. I can work through the painful hands and work starving to spare my stomach at work. But I can't work like this.
I miss the crazy people, the elderly I love so much, the valium zoned moms whose oldest kids do all the work, the drunks, the sweethearts. the young men who are still gentlemen, the wicked coupon scammers that we nearly always catch. The mean man who has given me two paper cuts and the high falootin' dame who has given me 4 paper cuts as she rips the receipt from my hand. Hah! The last time I stopped her and showed her the slice between my thumb and index finger. I whispered kindly that I respect she is in a rush but she is causing me pain and unless she has a supply of band aids for me I'd appreciate a tiny slowdown in accepting the receipt.  It think I made mental contact.

This afternoon, Bella brought in yet another mouse and deposited it in Melanie's room but this time her husband found it and removed it before she knew about it. Luckily, she was at work. This is now mouse in house time of year so we are getting supplies tomorrow.

Tomorrow I also meet a dear high school friend, David Mark, whom I lent 3 of my favorites tapes of a few of my talk radio shows back from the late 1990's. We are meeting for lunch to get them and to talk politics and reminisce for a while. I was nuts about his best friend in high school and he was nuts about my best friend.  It will be great to see him. He is the one who owns 2 sailboats at the Great Salt Lake and took my sailing twice. Of course, last September we nearly capsized after being caught in a sudden squall. In fact, on face book, my profile picture of my on a boat was no more than 5 minutes after the terror. We still had a ways to go to get back to the Marina but then I knew I'd survived.

Halloween Prep

Today was such a good day I hate to see it ends in just over an hour. I stayed in bed quite late watching Sunday morning political shows and resting the legs. It was heaven. I kept movement to a minimum all day with the grand kids coming in and out of my room with laughter and things to show and tell. The sun was bright, temperature was my favorite fall degrees. Bob and Melanie set up some really cool Halloween decorations in the front yard that will please the trick or treaters. I was able to get out and help put out shrunken heads and grotesque witches in the trees.

Everything felt good. There was joy and love and laughter the entire day.

Cried "Uncle"

Am I a little better today? No. Am I still optimistic? Yes. Actually things took quite a turn and I am now having difficulties and pain in the right hip and leg but mild compared to the left. So, I prayed about it, read about it, talked about it. I called the doctor's office and told them I was crying "Uncle" and my improvement was only slight. I expect to hear from the scheduling dept at the hospital Monday to set a day/time for an MRI. Obviously, it has been too long and we need to explore the cause and remedy. I was so sure it would get better a little every day. But....

I want to keep working, I need to and whatever it takes is what I must do. Having the family here has me even more anxious to feel better. I don't want to be just an observer but a participant.

I don't want to ramble. It's been pretty quiet around here the last couple of days. Shock. Everyone has had something to do somewhere. I'll be glad for tomorrow when everyone has the day off and the noise of life picks up again.

Better News

I spent the last couple of days watching tv in the jammies and walking as little as possible. This morning I awoke immediately aware that the leg was a little less painful and I could put more pressure on my foot. I babied it all day, walking in small steps with barely lifting my leg and by tonight it seems even a little more better. Gees, this is good news!

Knock! Knock! on wood, don't let me jinx it. If I continue on this path I may be able to get back to work in a week or  so  and bypass the MRI; no postpone the MRI. I am positive there is trouble there but if I can just heal and get through a couple of months of work... at least til Christmas or even Black Friday I won't feel so bad to take off for the MRI and whatever needs to be done. Thanks for the happy thoughts, I think they are working but it is slow.

We began putting a few Halloween decorations out front this afternoon and will add more through out the next few days. Melanie lives for Halloween; Bob lives for Christmas. They both share the love for decorating and getting the kids in the fun of the holidays. I have already felt an excitement for it all that I have for some time. I love my family.

Bad Leg

Saw the doctor Thursday and they scheduled an ultra sound for Friday to eliminate the possibility of a blood clot. I had them in my lungs in 1985. Terrifying stuff.. fortunately they didn't find any. Another good thing is that Achilles tendon is fine. It's the muscles from the Sciatic Nerve down to and including my toes in my left leg. There was a longer word for it but the doctor believes it is a "steroid myopathy" which is basically painful muscles as a reaction to steroids (the prednisone I just got off of). I have until this Thursday to be at least 50% better or I must have an MRI as the pain is also spreading to the right side but not nearly as extreme.  I am thinking it would be smart to do it anyway as this is more pain than even tough me can take much longer. If we find the problem we can fix it.

I must get back to working but standing right now is a killer. I want to be well for the Christmas shoppers. Funny, how small my other issues are to me at the moment. Discomfort from not eating well or cramping and choking seems small compared to the amount of non-stop pain I am in. There is no laying, sitting or standing that eases it.  Oh, listen to me complain.  Wait! I hated the fever and aches of the chest cold worse. I am NOT a fever person. I am NOT a throw up person. I would force myself to not throw up and be sick a day longer to avoid it. Ick. So, there are worse things than hurting so much.  See, mentally, I feel better already.

I will keep you posted; sorry I am back to more body drama.

No One Listened

Okay, so no one listened to my order. Now, Melanie is feeling sick again, Abby has missed 3 days of school and I still have the chest cold. What comes around seems to go around and around. This house is going to smell like Lysol for days.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor about my sciatic nerve. In 5 weeks I've been on 10 days of Cipro, then 16 days of Prednisone and now 14 days of Cipro.  My Achilles tendon is in a bad place of hurt into the foot. I am dragging the leg like Igor in Young Frankenstein. Something is wrong. It could be from the Cipro, it can damage or rupture tendons so wish me luck. I can go to work sickly, I can't work if I can't stand. I drove a cart at a store today and felt like an idiot. Looked like an idiot, bumping into corners and nearly running down poor Melanie and Abby. 

My doctor called me today and left a message that made me laugh; should have cried but it just sounded so bizarre. Well, Kathy, we've been treating your diarrhea, bacterial infection and pinched sciatic nerve on top of your cancer and serious digestive problems. Now, your Achilles heel and foot is affected and we just have to figure it all out. Come see me tomorrow and let's get going."  Okay, I like that. Let's get going.

No Leaks

It rained quite a bit today and not a drop in the house. Success.During all the trials you wonder if it is all worth it but we made it. There's a couple layers of skin up there. It's a beautiful roof.

Well, we made it 24 hours with lungs not being coughed up or sneezes. But, then Andrew came home from school with a very runny nose; 2 hrs later Dan came home with a Kleenex to his nose saying it's been running all day.   I am choosing the positive route; "germ juice" everything and often. We are not going to start all over again and that is an order.

Just ahead of the storm

Much thanks to Mike and Joel who showed up early yesterday morning to help load the dumpster. It would have been an all day job without them but it was done by noon. Today, it's been real hard work since early this morning trying to outrun a wet storm front. The underlay has been attached and now they are working on the last of the sticky roof lay down.  We will beat the front that arrived early and has only dropped some mist so far.
Even though they are still slaving away I wanted to stop and tell you how proud of them I am. Dan;s knees and Achilles heel are killing him along with his deep cough, Bob's just had hernia surgery a few weeks ago and back hurt before this started, Melanie is still sick with a chest cold and scraped both knees and her knuckles. And yet, all three are smiling, laughing,determined despite their discomfort. Attitude is everything.

The Roof

It has taken us over 2 years but we are finally getting the back porch and bedroom roof replaced. We had a "highly recommended friend of a friend" put the roof on originally. After having him back twice to repair leaks, and lots of stressful bouts of conversation and poor attitude we walked away from him and have just dealt with roof issues as they arose.  We've only been able to afford so much at a time. Now we finally got everything together when a 20 min downpour almost destroyed the back bedroom. We have had a good week and 3 days left before storms are expected.  Bob and Dan have worked through injuries and illness. They haven't complained; I am so proud of them.

We got a huge dumpster delivered today for all the old shingles, wood, tar paper, insulation and a few things from when they moved in. It will all be worth it when we've filled it up and can move forward in redecorating the room and back porch laundry room. It's been 10 years coming, 2 yrs getting ready. It will be simple but it will look good and keep the weather out.

Wish us luck. Dan is getting a bit sicker today but still went out on the roof after a plumbing job. We put out a call for any of Mel's family member to help load the dumpster. I hope some can.

Will keep you posted.

Home

This is my 4th attempt at the blog. I hate it when there is just so much going on that is not pleasant. It overshadows all the great things I have taken for granted. I now get daily hugs and kisses, hear laughter a midst sibling rivalry, footsteps running up and down the stairs, the smell of real cooking, helping with homework, all the many things that so suddenly turned my house into a home.

Tomorrow we lay David to rest. He always lived in a house that never became a home until he met his Nancy. She had 2 children previously that she brought with her and together they made a home.
Goodbye, David.

A New Sad Story Of Suicide

I am very emotional and still in shock and despair so please bear with the randomness of this post.
Monday was Nat'l Suicide Prevention Day. Of course, I thought of my mom a lot that day with the usual regrets and missing her dearly. 
I got a call early Tuesday morning that my foster nephew, David, 40 yrs of age and killed himself violently just outside the door to my old Murray, Utah home around 8:30 pm Monday night.Just a couple of hours earlier he was planning his day for Tuesday. His attitude was good. Somewhere between noon and 8:30 something happened to drastically change his goal of life to his final goal of death.  He took his military pistol from his Marine service in the first Iraqi War and blew his brains out from ear to ear. A clean shot. One he learned was the kill shot.
He leaves behind a wife and 2 step children. His death came in the middle of family turmoil in his  family.. bitterness, inner fighting, attorneys, mediation, family counseling, etc. All seemed to be going on track, some family still refused to speak or look at him and he sat alone at Christmas. But things were changing.
Then that awful, God awful thing, whatever it was, happened Monday between noon and 8:30 pm put him at the point of no forward movement in his life. As sudden as no one can grasp, he went from organized, committed to deal with his troubles and make a new life for himself and his family, to the firm decision to place 2 identical texts to 2 brothers: (paraphrasing) " Call the Murray Police. Within 20 min. I will be found dead outside my fathers house." Sadly, neither brother got the message for several minutes but they could not have saved him. He was determined to die.
Now, what was a family crisis in the process of hopeful resolution is now an all out war amongst themselves. 1 sister is totally banned from services with threats of physical violence to occur if one of his sister's attends either the viewing or services. Other people threaten to destroy and disrupt.

So many lives will never be the same. The anger is turning to hate even before they lay their disturbed brother to rest... some threatening to create a scene. How dare these small, selfish minds have the lack of moral duty to set aside for a day their differences and unite to remember and respectfully lay their brother to rest!.I am at wit's end and full of despair.

Boring Update.

Ok, to start off I am still chicken to try the new Water Pik. It is ready. I am not.

I finally made it back to work today, but it was hard making the entire shift. I am glad I did as I was feeling worse about not bringing in some money than I felt physically. It was a morale boost that I needed. Aside from some of the grumpiest customers I've dealt with in a long time, it felt good to be back.

However, now I have 2 sick grand kids. Andrew started to sneeze yesterday afternoon quickly turning what we thought were allergies into a full head cold and just a couple of hours ago Abby came up sneezing and coughing. No school tomorrow. The grown ups are a little nervous right now,. hoping it doesn't spread.

I can't seem to get better but refuse to let my discouragement show. I am still basically living on salsa, saltine crackers, butter puffs and ice coffee. But, I made it to work and back, I am able to walk a little better. Now, if somehow I could get a hold of the intense charlie horses, I'd be smiling  longer.  I am doing as ordered, drinking lots of water and eating a banana (which hurts the poor stomach) and still cramping like mad.He once mentioned an IV but I pretended not to hear. He gets back in the office Wed. so we'll see how I am then. I am thinking positive.

The Dentist & Dehydration

Knock on wood; the visit to the dentist went pretty good. They put on the crown and filed the tooth next to it. I actually came home and finally plugged in my new Water Pik from months ago to start the 24 hour charge. Tomorrow night will be my first attempt with it since all the debacles from my very old one that soaked me, soaked my bathroom and went in my eyes and nose.

The doctor today said the Prednisone had severely dehydrated my entire system. It is a "rare" side effect but he remember a little late that I am the "rare" one. I can not drive due to the intense, sudden spasms in my calves and no feeling whatsoever in my feet. Last night, once again, I clicked along the kitchen floor and discovered a thumb tack all the way embedded in the bottom of my foot.  I am to drink tons of water and eat bananas and report on Monday to see if I've radically improved. He, rather nonchalantly, told me it has to clear up quickly as my organs are also deprived of water. Lovely.

My Flag

Ok, we should have thought more on the somewhere special to eat. We often eat at the Village Inn in Murray, Ut but today, since it is now closer, we chose the one on 10600 S. South Town Mall. Huge mistake. Huge difference in the cooks, quantity and quality. We both felt sick not much later. The portions were smaller than Murray, eggs over hard-weren't. toast had to have been made first. I couldn't even break it (got a new order). The strawberry crepes were minus the whipped cream we ordered, very bland and hard to cut. Yes, there was a tip but it was small.  In the future we will drive to Murray on State St. and get the real deal..the meal tastes great,. better atmosphere and friendlier personnel.
Service and attitude is everything, whether you are grocery shopping, looking for clothes, out to eat, etc. If my first impression has more than one negative, that is my last stop there.  Money is scarce and you need to get the best for your dollar.

I am very patriotic and have always wanted a real, live flag pole in my yard. I've had to make do with a pipe and crooked flag I did my best to keep respectful. Yesterday, Bob, surprised me and this morning I awoke to a large flagpole and flag flapping with dignity in the air. Made me cry.

I can't say enough about my Target and their always pleasantness when having to do with my injured hand or inability to stand long. I've long had a bulging disc from a bad broadside that occasionally get wicked and pinches the hell out of my sciatica nerve. Today, They asked me to take a couple more shifts off til the pain has subsided more. They like me, how fast I cashier and my attitude ... oh, if they only knew how scared I was of those customers. But I am thrilled to know I am missed.  Tomorrow I learn what to do. The numbness from the hip to the knee is 80% better but still am numb from ankles to toes and KILLER charlie horses all day long in my calves of both legs. We need to figure the cause there.  Poor Mel has had to drive me nearly everywhere cause I can't feel the peddle under my foot and that is dangerous.

Well, I am done. Tomorrow is supposed to be my last visit to the dentist for a final crown...but there is new troubles so we will see. Wow, worst dentist in the world.  If all goes well, within a couple of days the brand new WaterPik and I will finally do battle.

Move In Catch Up

If it weren't 11:30 pm at night and I am exhausted I would have so much to say. We are finally wrapping up unpacking all the boxes. I am still going, well, let's be honest. I am now beginning to go through my boxes of goodies and baddies, surprises and embarrassments. I had noticed that I have far more old family papers than I ever knew. Some are very yellow and hard to read. I need to preserve what I can and retype some things.

Well, the cat has now delivered a live, fighting and flying for her life Dove down to Melanie's room. It was awesome in a wild way. Hundreds of feathers, the bird trying to find a way out, the cat with feathers out both sides of her mouth, everyone screaming. Dan managed to get the bird outside and settled down... it did fly gingerly away about 20 min later. Since, there's been 3 large Katydids and a baby mouse. Her gift giving has shattered a few nerves. We found another feather tonight.

Tomorrow morning 11 yr old Abby goes with her school class on a 2 night, 3 days camp up the mountains (without cell reception!).Shes never been more than an overnighter with her best friend. Mom and grandma are trying to be brave, Abby is giddy. Sure hope she broke in her hiking boots like we warned her.  Dan is going to Burning Man for his final time also tomorrow so while Andrew is at school Mel and are I going out somewhere special to eat. It will be hard with my stomach but by darn this is special.

Hope to do better with the updates now we are getting settled in. I love having them here.

Life or Death Saga Decision

It took some insight and pondering but I am going to completely destroy the private journal and plans for taking of another life. The story is now mute, everyone has moved on. The three children will never live their lives and Doug's sister left him letters and poems that continue peace within. He has no desires for the ultimate revenge, so I no longer need to hold onto the papers that would have led the police to his victim's body.  It has all finally come to acceptable ends for all. Tomorrow they will all be burned.

As for the 1st degree murderer I must contact the State Atty General to be certain that I do not hold crucial evidence regarding his case and upcoming appeal for release after 25 years. I researched his case last night and saw his 2011 appeal and it seems they are not buying his story. When I have given my info and feel satisfied in turning it over or destroying it, I can lay that horrific drama to rest. It was a  horrible gruesome crime he committed and I want none of it in my home.

A Troubling Discovery

I told you a while back that I had boxes of memories, some of which I had never seen, others I boxed away after a glimpse amidst the photos and papers I put away in a dark corner.

This afternoon I finally sat down and began to go through some of the papers. I know it will sound dramatic but amongst some,were fun pictures that were a delight and slated for proper presentation.
I found misplaced family photos of Melanie as a youngster.

But,  I ran into a season of trauma, drama, despair, terror and heartbreak. I am not able at this time to share it all with you. I am still shaken.  Suffice it to know that these findings involve a man in the Utah State Penetentiary convicted of homocide and a brother of a sister who was murdered along with her 3 children who wrote me several times of his plans to kill the murderer who was his brother in law..
You see, on radio, I was not the narcissistic host who loved his voice, I listened to all and everyone. Some nights my voice and sharing rang to some with no one to listen to them. Many things happened
because of that. These were two I didn't know were listening or so intensely.

Soon I will share portions of their correspondence. I helped keep a man from killing another man; I helped a killer get through another day. But, until tonight, I never read it all and realized that I made a difference. I did good and helped two people at the end of hope. I need time to accept it and forgive myself for not following them both further to know how they are today.

The Update on Me

Now for an update on me. Those who want no unpleasantness can check out early. I won't blame you.
The stomach is as bad, the choking from the lazy epiglottis is worsening; last Monday I choked while handing a guest her receipt and scared us both to death. I can't speak if my head isn't tilted a certain way or I choke, at night I wake up choking and grabbing for water, some food will go straight down but others, the epiglottis does not close right and I choke where ever I happen to be. I am positive that having the endoscopy and widening damaged the already weak epiglottis because the first night it was done I choked and literally aspirated so badly I nearly had to race to the hospital. My lungs absorbed much fluid all at once. Completely terrifying.

The degenerating discs in my neck they also discovered now pinch the nerves that go down both arms and I awake all night in extreme pain at the elbow, down the arm to the wrist and the finger tips go numb with needles and pins surging off an on. Nights are long. I just heard that wrapping or bracing the arms at night does help so I will give it a shot. I am up to anything.

The worst trial of just those mentioned is the legs. They  began to act up several weeks ago. I thought it was a temporary dehydration like in January, but it got worse.  About 3 wks ago I woke up and couldn't lift my legs to get out of bed  #1 they felt like each leg weighed 24 # and #2 the cramping in my thighs, calfs and ankles had me screaming for help. Alas, none came but I eventually hit and rubbed the tight muscles into breaking enough to let me literally tumble to the floor.

I was supposed to work that day but couldn't walk. I was dead from the thighs down and would not have even been able to feel the gas pedal let alone stand for 3 hrs so had to call in sick. Luckily, my doctor who is usually booked weeks ahead had a cancellation for that day, last Friday Aug.17th.He later told me they would have worked me in as my situation was serious. Gees.All I wanted was a good report and a couple strong muscle pills..... not so fast.

I have a seriously pinched nerve at the LS5, Sciatica Nerve that is so pinched by the bulging discs that I am in real danger of it pinching off and killing the nerve. At that location, should this happen I will immediately lose all aspects of continence (look it up, I can't type it) and ordered to literally race to the ER for emergency surgery so the condition does not become permanent.

Doc told me to fill the very aggressive regimen of Prednisone (16 days, 4 pills per day) and take it the moment I got it filled while at the pharmacy. If it doesn't work I need an MRI to access the severity and decide on a spinal tap that drains the fluid around the nerve or perform surgery.

For now, I walk like I am 90, shuffling my feet, driving a store cart, moaning and crying on the couch, bed, chair, walking and pacing but smiling and laughing around the grand kids. Please send some happy thoughts my way. let the Prednisone work. I may not be able to take the Methotrexate while on it and that will cause my Lymphoma Skin Cancer to break out into cheetah spots and more pain and outward sores and rashes.  There, that is all I want to share, it is too much but since there is more, I don't feel too awful in sharing this.

Thanks for being here for me whoever you are. You are needed and loved in silence.
Maybe at one point, God will say I've gone through enough. If not, I will take a deep breath and say bring it on, I will smile and stand upright.