Been Awhile

Sorry it has been awhile and must be short tonight. My computer died suddenly and is in the shop at least for a week. I have a small laptop but with my sore wrists it is very difficult to type and the browser is so outdated it takes forever to work. I apologize.

I have a friend who is sick right now but is a incredible blogger. I will visit her and learn some tricks so I am not such a boring site. I think I remember promising recipes from Aunt Alberta, my wonderful foster mom til the day she died. She was a great cook from Minnesota.

This is making me crazy.  Sorry but will be back asap. Gosh, these keyboards are small.

Father's Day

I wasn't going to blog tonight, tired, reflective but it wouldn't have been right and rather selfish not to do so. I had a most wonderful day. Even though I had only 3 hours sleep I awoke surprisingly refreshed and got much done. Dan and I ran to the store and bought him new knee length Levis, t-shirts, polo shirts and shoes he has worn to the bone. Ready for a rather boring, quiet day, Melanie called and said, "Come on down... we have surprises for Grandpa".

It turned into an unexpected delightful day. We watched , and participated, in the small pool swimming antics getting wet and soaking them. The outdoor thermometer there last read 99.8 degrees and we were grateful for their pool to play like kids in.  Supposedly we were there for soda and chips. To out surprise it turned out, chips, salad, burgers, hot dogs, ice cream and carrot cake. It was easy to feel the love we have for each other. I am so blessed to have a family full of love, respect and desires to be together. It does make up for all those years when I had no one. Thank you, God.

Tonight my pain became overwhelming. The dental work is poor, pain is beyond intense. My hands, both, are burning hot with pain and I can do little, dehydration has tightened my back muscles so bad I can barely get up and down tonight. I have choked several times today so my throat is sore and a little swollen and my stomach feels like a hard sucker punch.

My dear, nearly always perfect husband, came in tonight as I was crying and put his hands upon my head. He is not active in the Mormon Church but believes in it wholly. He said a silent prayer for me and within minutes most of my pain has gone and my love for him is greater still. God works through those who believe they have the power. Most of all my pain is now gone and I know sleep will come.
Pray for me my hands will carry me through my shift tomorrow.

God gives you the power to heal when you truly believe you have it.

Slow Down

The husband has finally agreed to have a colonoscopy. That is huge as I've been trying for 14 years. My having 4 polyps and still problems with digestion changed his attitude. Needless to say I picked up the phone and got the process started; the scheduler will call Monday.

I am trying not to stress too much but as the hummingbirds have slowed down so has work.I try so hard not to worry and know things have a way of working out but it has been hell the past 3 years. We got slammed when 4 major sources of employment (contractors) moved out of state and 1 died. Our last main contractor is retiring.  Now, most is remodel or repair. As suddenly as it comes, it stops. Compared to 10-12 yrs ago, we are living small, tight budgeted lives. Month to month we just get by. We never thought we'd get rich, but we thought we'd always have work.  

Frenzy to Famine

My hummingbirds just stopped coming by 2 days ago. From a frenzy to famine. We'll try new nectar but they seemed to love this one; kind of makes me nervous about the last batch.  I am loving the finches and  chickadees this year. We put up a feeder for the first time and have had all sizes, shapes and colors. They get feisty but seem to be more patient at the feeder than the hummingbirds. The most colorful ones are male.. like in humans, the best, longest eyelashes are on men. Go figure.

Isn't it ironic that now the cortisone shot in my right thumb joint has taken effect and has reduced my pain by half at least, the left thumb joint is almost as painful as the right at its worse. At the end of July, an orthopedist selected by Target's insurance is examining the left hand. He is the one who officially declared my injury to the right was permanent and even surgery won't stop future care. (Thank you, thank you.) Now, an error by an employee at the insurance co. that delayed my treatment for several months and increased reliance of the left hand, has them checking to see if the left hand will qualify under the initial accident as a "consequence" and cover expenses. Please send good thoughts that way. It is frustrating to have to wait so long to see him, but they say he is the best and that is what they want. He surely did good by me the first time.

Rough Day

Rough day at the office today. 3 hours of non stop stretching, lifting and scanning heavy items well over my weight restriction but had to do it. Several customers were great and could see I was struggling, lifting for me. It was just one of those days when everyone wanted the Express Lane and had large, heavy items.  Towards the end of the 2nd hour I knew I was in trouble and now, 5 hrs later I can't lift my right arm or hold a glass. I've braced the arm, now for Icy Hot and Tylenol. Luckily I have 3 days off so I should be okay for Friday's shift. I should be on Ibuprofen but I can't take it because it mixes quite badly with the Methotrexate. This happens every couple of months since the injury... just one of those things.

I am still awaiting official word about the blood tests.

And, so far, the kids are still planning to move in..a few weeks out. So far.

My arm, hand and fingers are poker hot. I am done for the night.

Perfect Morning

This morning was my perfect weather greeting to the day. Dan and I actually got together ( in the same car for once) and ran around. We stopped at Wal Mart for photos he and my grandson took during the past year... then around the corner we found a community garage sale. We couldn't find a thing but as we were leaving, just 30 ft away there was a 3 car accident. All 3 cars fled the scene. It was crazy... little pieces of cars in the intersection. A small adventure.
Then we drove just 3 blocks off and hopefully will have better treasures tomorrow. I found a brass, carved frog outdoor thermometer and Dan found an very old, brass fishing reel. The lady said she will have twice the items in the morning so we are going back.
We mozied around a couple more then headed to a buffet for lunch. Then the Dollar Store for, of course, $1.00 reading glasses for as often as he loses or breaks his, then home.
All in all, a good, quiet day just being together.

Results

I got the results from the tests today but won't be able to do much without understanding more from the doctors.   The liver tests were below the low normal, infections were present, sugar was too high by .1 better than 3 months ago. Now, I worry over the liver and very low Vit. D.Gad, the liver biopsy's are painful but we may be heading that way. No tests can tell if your liver is is trouble or dying other than the biopsy.

So I am going to sit back and enjoy my weekend. The weather will be cooler to morrow and I'd like to get outside and enjoy some sunshine.  Maybe take in a few garage sales.  A nice, do what ever I want to do day.

A Good Day

The thumb is swollen and blue from the shot but, knock on wood, I already have a little more range in movement. I won't know for sure for 2 weeks if it took, but am feeling optimistic that I will have a month or two without the severe pain. Always a good thing.

Finally, went up for blood tests today. I can get some of the results by phone tonight. I don't know if all hospitals do this, but I can get results without waiting days for the doctor to call. The technicians cannot tell you anything judgemental or recommend anything but can at least let you know the normal to abnormal range and what your score was. To me, that helps a lot.

Right place, right time today. They want me back at the hospital to work as a volunteer again in the Spirit of Caring. We offer emotional support for the critically ill. There would be only 2 of us but I can't com mitt until I am well enough. I have missed it very much.  While talking to them, the hospital engineer came in and I soon realized the hospital owns the property right at my property line. Hmm, it was a perfect time to talk weeds and High Fire Danger. I am told they will be cut within the week...and if perchance, Sandy City hasn't finalized all their papers, they will cut them anyway. Yay.  Learned it definitely was Sandy City's property that they neglected and not a private owner. That was interesting, considering their crackdown on code enforcement.

All in all it was a successful, good day.

All Thumbs

  It dropped over 30 degrees overnight. Strong, gusting winds made it harder to appreciate the cooler weather but appreciate it I did and still do. No weather whining tonight.

My thumbs are too sore to type much . Tomorrow will be better for the right thumb - cortisone shot in the afternoon.

Red Flag Warnings

Heavens to Betsy it was hot today. We broke another record with 98 degrees. You could feel every degree the moment you walked outside. (whine).  Counting down to June 21, the first day of Summer. Not because of Summer, because it marks the beginning of the days becoming shorter. Hah! It's my way of coping with the heat, knowing it's days will be numbering down.

Today at work it was consistent, people were too hot. Bummed out. Supposed to still be Spring. It was
nice not being the only pooh-pooher about the heat. But my new biggest concern is the Red Flag Fire Danger that Utah and several other Western States are in right now.  In many areas campfires are not allowed at all. The past couple of days and tomorrow will be tense. Winds are increasing and dry thunderstorms are predicted. The grasses here right now are brittley dry. Lots of lightening involved. Personally, my issue is direct. At my property line the City has let go their property that has a field of 3-4 ft. high dry weeds. One wrong moment and we could lose our storage cabin we built for our pretend camping trips with a shower, toilet, sink and bed...topped off with a deck to look across the valley. It took my husband 3 years to build it himself and is his pride and joy. We put sprinklers all along the property line and water every night both our side and the city's but we both have gut awful feeling this year.  Last summer, jerks let off illegal fireworks all around us and but for a wet year last year we may have had a horrible event. This year, I've already heard fireworks that are illegal and not time yet and we are bone dry. I don't think we could bear losing property. It wouldn't have been the first time.

About 15 yrs ago a foolish neighbor decided to burn his weeds.What made him a fool? It was 103 degrees and windy. We had 15, 20 ft Lombardy Poplar Trees all along our property line. They burned to the ground. Another fire I helped put out when I was photographing fires for the Fire Dept and a fireman and myself almost lost our lives when the winds shifted was maybe 50 ft. from my property line.  So, yes, I am worried. I worry every night I smell smoke. Always wondering. Just a thought I had- I am calling the City tomorrow and reminding them of the height of the weeds and the Red Flag Warnings.. maybe someone will mow them down. 

Not A Summer Person

How could I grow up in the desert and not be a summer person? The heat seems to come easily to some people, who don't sweat much but when they do it looks like a photo shoot. That's just not right. A throw back to high school just came to me, "Horses sweat, men perspire and women glow."  Mrs. Sullivan told us that in Creative Writing. I never agreed then either. Mean and women can sweat just fine. I have never seen anyone glow, from the heat anyway, more of the sprayed on tan look.

I don't like "pure" sunny days, I need clouds. It is one of those things that are in me that I don't know why. I need just the thinnest sprinkle of white in the blue. Where an all blue, hot day can depress me one with rain and a breeze energizes me.  Go figure. I didn't plan it this way but that is how my brain fires at certain things.

Today was a record high of 94 instead of our usual 70's. It is not officially summer and I am whining. A storm will be by in a couple of days and the summer people will be whining. That's one of the things I love about Utah - the weather changes on a dime. One thing remains the same: on hot, cloudless sunny days, I whine.

Kennecott Copper Mines

The most wonderful place on earth, for me, is anywhere my daughter and grand kids are. The 2nd most wonderful place, for me, is Kennecott Copper Mines here in Salt Lake City, Utah. Spectacular, breathtaking, astounding, and awesome are words you hear from visitors all around you. It doesn't matter what age, the site of this magnificent achievement and ongoing progression leaves you nearly speechless. The colors of the rocks, the rainbow flecks of light in incredible magnitude that bounce off the sunshine. The nonstop regiment of trucks the size of bungalows that appear to be small Tonka Trucks keep you mesmerized as they come and go up treacherous rocky carved out roads to dump or pick up new loads. If you've never been or heard of it, I highly recommend you read or check on the Internet for references and pictures of the Utah Kennecott Copper Mines. The story how it's inception is itself riveting. The immigrants who came from all over the world to work the mine.

Being terrified of heights it is unusual how much I love it. It takes a few minutes for me to be gingerly walked to the railings so I can look across this amazing expanse. But once I am there, I have to be pried away. Like people on a beach, sailing, hiking, riding... there is an unexplainable peace I feel when I am there. It is my look into man's ability to progress; the thinkers who dream beyond, and the believers who make it happen. I can't get back there soon enough, perhaps this time I'll pack a lunch.

www.kennecott.com/visitors-center/take-a-virtual-tour  
www.kennecott.com

Learning

I see my neighbor kick his dog just ONE more time and I make a phone call. Somehow he thinks you need to toughen a dog and he has a 6 yr old son he is teaching to toughen up. What is this world coming to? Why would  you toughen a German Shepard around a child who is a little tough guy himself? Watching with my eyes wide open. Am I one of the few who can not turn away and say that is not my problem? It doesn't make you friends, but it helps me sleep at night.

Just learned something the docs haven't figured out yet. When I am on Cephlexon, my lymphoma skin disease blows up something awful. It is a trigger. I am learning. Also, I learned that if you take Cephlexon with Metformin (for diabetes) it makes the Metformin stay in your system longer and can lower your sugar too far and get dangerous.  Slowly, I am lovin the Internet but I must explain that I only go to trusted sites. Not looking for spam or amateur opinions when it comes to my health.


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Barbecue

Well, my Thursday temporary crown plopped onto my tongue last night and I nearly swallowed it. So, I suspect I will be on a run to the dentist for a better cement job.
Today was great at work. Although it stayed busy the whole shift everyone was in a good mood and the time actually went by fast. I hurried home, changed and drove to my daughters for the barbecue. Hamburgers, hot dogs, chips and dips and freshly made potato salad. It was nice to get away from everything and concentrate only on the grand kids and family. The outside world took a leave of absence and the backyard became the universe. It was a grand afternoon.
Received more info that the family is still planning on moving in but possibly not for a couple of months. They have to get their home ready to rent as well as get things in my basement assembled so they can live relatively comfortably with their own privacy.
Hopefully, I can get the blood tests Wed. I shouldn't keep putting it off but I am nervous and just do not want anymore bad news. I know. Better to find out now if something is wrong or all is well. Ok, you win. Wednesday it is. 

Respect

I usually do countdowns on facebook. I love music so much that it is a way for me to enjoy a song and share it with anyone who is interested, whether it is for Christmas, Valentine's, Mother's Day, etc. I wanted to countdown to Memorial Day but this year the venom is greater than ever on some of the You Tube sites that show soldiers and emotional stories to the particular song. From respect and appreciation so much of it was anger and obscenity laced politically incorrect garbage that I withdrew. They wore me out.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That is the huge, most important hole in the values of the world. Unless someone is military or inside their church, how often do you hear, "Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Thank you. let me help you, I appreciate it".......  Seldom, right? And is it not music to your ears? But it shouldn't be that way. You have every right to expect that behavior when you open your eyes, walk out the door and interact with the world.
I lost friends in the Vietnam War; my husband served and gratefully survived. The year I lived on the US Navy Base in Yokosuka, Japan I saw things at the hospital there I will never forget. I heard stories from military personnel while working on the base that took my breath away. I cried often.
I prefer to remember and pray for all those soldiers, from the Civil War to today. who willingly place themselves in harm's way to protect and promote the values and successes of a truly free country."To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause."  I celebrate them with tears, love and hopes that a peaceful world can one day be a reality. Until that time, I remain dedicated and overwhelmed with pride beyond music and  words

My Blogs

Please keep in mind that my blogs, if you haven't already noticed, are sporadic and will jump from my past, to the future and back to today. I don't plan it that way, but have lived a life since my earliest memories that are filled with adventure, horror, love, redemption, anxiety disorders from past experiences. I never moved far away and on occasion I run into one to two of those who should be in jail for what they did to me, people who knew what torture I went through in this foster home but turned the other way until I was freed 4 yrs later and all they could say was they were sorry. I should have, I wanted to, I couldn't stand what they did to you, I thought someone would help you, I know you're family but we were busy,and the list goes on. So often, as I go above having rebuilt my life and keeping my immediate family tight around me, I occasionally am forced back to a dark, awful place.

In my blogs, when you read what you may feel are silly fears and concerns of mine, please take a moment to remember that as a child your strongest memories are framed and corner stoned into who you are. Many parents today have no clue that their mistakes and disinterest will affect their children for the rest of their lives. You lucky ones who grew up in a stable home should never take it for granted. You were blessed and as you've grown up and raised your children as you were, the world becomes a better place.

Sometimes I live vicariously through my friends and love hearing and sharing their happy childhoods and memories, joys of their times with their parents. I am grateful for them being in my life,

The Best Laid Plans

I thought people would be grumpy today at work doing their last minute shopping for the Memorial Day Weekend but they weren't. Yay. Glad to have the next two days off as I am certain they will be incredibly busy. Oh, crap!  I WORK Memorial Day! And I just made plans to spend the day with my daughter and the family barbecuing and playing cards. Aw, Gees. I hate it when my brain keeps things from me. I was happy to have the weekend off and avoid the rush. And I am working the holiday.

Well, that certainly changes my outlook. Ok. That's ok. My mouth is still real tender from all the work done yesterday and last week and my stomach is still bad soooo  I will go straight there when I get off, kick my feet up and play cards. I will settle for a half a day over no day anytime.

Funny, how the mind works. I knew I've been working Mon and Fri's since I went back... but I just didn't connect this Monday being a work day. I won't complain as I am so grateful to have a job that is so tolerant of my health issues. Today, I got a raise of 12 cents. It sounds small, but it makes a difference. It is more than yesterday.

I Think I Skipped Today

I think I skipped today. I have been here all day making phone calls, paying bills and making a dash for Frito's Butter Puffs. I did laundry. But, somehow I feel like today was just a number on the calender. A day when all that I've done feels like it was all just deja vu and today hasn't taken place yet. The street was quiet, void of echoing voices, traffic and nature. Could it be that simple?  All of the "theys" that are part of my daily exercise of life weren't there today and I felt as if in another dimension.

We take for granted the rustle of leaves, the whir of wings flapping, feet skipping, tires rumbling. They are just a small few of the canvas that is us. For some reason, this was a day without color or sound. Rod Serling, writer and producer of Twilight Zone TV series, would have surely written about today. I am glad it is nearly over... not that is has been awful. It has just been.

Sylvia called it a day

Sylvia called it a day yesterday. Her life was like the canvas she brilliantly filled with oil flowers and landscapes, seeing all the beauty life had to offer. She was doing so much better after having been sick for nearly 2 years. She was back to shopping and sharing her contagious laugh and smile.  Even at her weakest she would find something to smile about. I've known her over 40 years. She married my husband's good friend and they live just a mile down the road. She was 10 years older than Dale and everyone was sure it would never last... they were happy together for 40 years. She will be missed.

Compromise

I haven't left the house today. I watched the hummingbirds and bees fighting over the nectar. I watched the male finches fighting the females over the seeds. Everyone was hungry. Soon there were two hummingbirds at a time on the feeder and 5 finches clinging to the seed sock. They seemed to realize that a little compromise was necessary if anyone was to get enough to eat.It took some time before I picked up a little life lesson from it. 

I am hungry and have been for so long. I can't keep fighting the insulin that lets me get away with things I shouldn't eat. It's easy to think, it's okay because I'll up the insulin to make up for what I ate. I am hungry, and like the birds, if I want to survive I "have" to compromise and share the truth of my illnesses with the insulin and find a common ground we can agree to.

On a quiet, laid back day, I learned an invaluable lesson from the hummingbirds and finches.