Perfect Morning

This morning was my perfect weather greeting to the day. Dan and I actually got together ( in the same car for once) and ran around. We stopped at Wal Mart for photos he and my grandson took during the past year... then around the corner we found a community garage sale. We couldn't find a thing but as we were leaving, just 30 ft away there was a 3 car accident. All 3 cars fled the scene. It was crazy... little pieces of cars in the intersection. A small adventure.
Then we drove just 3 blocks off and hopefully will have better treasures tomorrow. I found a brass, carved frog outdoor thermometer and Dan found an very old, brass fishing reel. The lady said she will have twice the items in the morning so we are going back.
We mozied around a couple more then headed to a buffet for lunch. Then the Dollar Store for, of course, $1.00 reading glasses for as often as he loses or breaks his, then home.
All in all, a good, quiet day just being together.

Results

I got the results from the tests today but won't be able to do much without understanding more from the doctors.   The liver tests were below the low normal, infections were present, sugar was too high by .1 better than 3 months ago. Now, I worry over the liver and very low Vit. D.Gad, the liver biopsy's are painful but we may be heading that way. No tests can tell if your liver is is trouble or dying other than the biopsy.

So I am going to sit back and enjoy my weekend. The weather will be cooler to morrow and I'd like to get outside and enjoy some sunshine.  Maybe take in a few garage sales.  A nice, do what ever I want to do day.

A Good Day

The thumb is swollen and blue from the shot but, knock on wood, I already have a little more range in movement. I won't know for sure for 2 weeks if it took, but am feeling optimistic that I will have a month or two without the severe pain. Always a good thing.

Finally, went up for blood tests today. I can get some of the results by phone tonight. I don't know if all hospitals do this, but I can get results without waiting days for the doctor to call. The technicians cannot tell you anything judgemental or recommend anything but can at least let you know the normal to abnormal range and what your score was. To me, that helps a lot.

Right place, right time today. They want me back at the hospital to work as a volunteer again in the Spirit of Caring. We offer emotional support for the critically ill. There would be only 2 of us but I can't com mitt until I am well enough. I have missed it very much.  While talking to them, the hospital engineer came in and I soon realized the hospital owns the property right at my property line. Hmm, it was a perfect time to talk weeds and High Fire Danger. I am told they will be cut within the week...and if perchance, Sandy City hasn't finalized all their papers, they will cut them anyway. Yay.  Learned it definitely was Sandy City's property that they neglected and not a private owner. That was interesting, considering their crackdown on code enforcement.

All in all it was a successful, good day.

All Thumbs

  It dropped over 30 degrees overnight. Strong, gusting winds made it harder to appreciate the cooler weather but appreciate it I did and still do. No weather whining tonight.

My thumbs are too sore to type much . Tomorrow will be better for the right thumb - cortisone shot in the afternoon.

Red Flag Warnings

Heavens to Betsy it was hot today. We broke another record with 98 degrees. You could feel every degree the moment you walked outside. (whine).  Counting down to June 21, the first day of Summer. Not because of Summer, because it marks the beginning of the days becoming shorter. Hah! It's my way of coping with the heat, knowing it's days will be numbering down.

Today at work it was consistent, people were too hot. Bummed out. Supposed to still be Spring. It was
nice not being the only pooh-pooher about the heat. But my new biggest concern is the Red Flag Fire Danger that Utah and several other Western States are in right now.  In many areas campfires are not allowed at all. The past couple of days and tomorrow will be tense. Winds are increasing and dry thunderstorms are predicted. The grasses here right now are brittley dry. Lots of lightening involved. Personally, my issue is direct. At my property line the City has let go their property that has a field of 3-4 ft. high dry weeds. One wrong moment and we could lose our storage cabin we built for our pretend camping trips with a shower, toilet, sink and bed...topped off with a deck to look across the valley. It took my husband 3 years to build it himself and is his pride and joy. We put sprinklers all along the property line and water every night both our side and the city's but we both have gut awful feeling this year.  Last summer, jerks let off illegal fireworks all around us and but for a wet year last year we may have had a horrible event. This year, I've already heard fireworks that are illegal and not time yet and we are bone dry. I don't think we could bear losing property. It wouldn't have been the first time.

About 15 yrs ago a foolish neighbor decided to burn his weeds.What made him a fool? It was 103 degrees and windy. We had 15, 20 ft Lombardy Poplar Trees all along our property line. They burned to the ground. Another fire I helped put out when I was photographing fires for the Fire Dept and a fireman and myself almost lost our lives when the winds shifted was maybe 50 ft. from my property line.  So, yes, I am worried. I worry every night I smell smoke. Always wondering. Just a thought I had- I am calling the City tomorrow and reminding them of the height of the weeds and the Red Flag Warnings.. maybe someone will mow them down. 

Not A Summer Person

How could I grow up in the desert and not be a summer person? The heat seems to come easily to some people, who don't sweat much but when they do it looks like a photo shoot. That's just not right. A throw back to high school just came to me, "Horses sweat, men perspire and women glow."  Mrs. Sullivan told us that in Creative Writing. I never agreed then either. Mean and women can sweat just fine. I have never seen anyone glow, from the heat anyway, more of the sprayed on tan look.

I don't like "pure" sunny days, I need clouds. It is one of those things that are in me that I don't know why. I need just the thinnest sprinkle of white in the blue. Where an all blue, hot day can depress me one with rain and a breeze energizes me.  Go figure. I didn't plan it this way but that is how my brain fires at certain things.

Today was a record high of 94 instead of our usual 70's. It is not officially summer and I am whining. A storm will be by in a couple of days and the summer people will be whining. That's one of the things I love about Utah - the weather changes on a dime. One thing remains the same: on hot, cloudless sunny days, I whine.

Kennecott Copper Mines

The most wonderful place on earth, for me, is anywhere my daughter and grand kids are. The 2nd most wonderful place, for me, is Kennecott Copper Mines here in Salt Lake City, Utah. Spectacular, breathtaking, astounding, and awesome are words you hear from visitors all around you. It doesn't matter what age, the site of this magnificent achievement and ongoing progression leaves you nearly speechless. The colors of the rocks, the rainbow flecks of light in incredible magnitude that bounce off the sunshine. The nonstop regiment of trucks the size of bungalows that appear to be small Tonka Trucks keep you mesmerized as they come and go up treacherous rocky carved out roads to dump or pick up new loads. If you've never been or heard of it, I highly recommend you read or check on the Internet for references and pictures of the Utah Kennecott Copper Mines. The story how it's inception is itself riveting. The immigrants who came from all over the world to work the mine.

Being terrified of heights it is unusual how much I love it. It takes a few minutes for me to be gingerly walked to the railings so I can look across this amazing expanse. But once I am there, I have to be pried away. Like people on a beach, sailing, hiking, riding... there is an unexplainable peace I feel when I am there. It is my look into man's ability to progress; the thinkers who dream beyond, and the believers who make it happen. I can't get back there soon enough, perhaps this time I'll pack a lunch.

www.kennecott.com/visitors-center/take-a-virtual-tour  
www.kennecott.com

Learning

I see my neighbor kick his dog just ONE more time and I make a phone call. Somehow he thinks you need to toughen a dog and he has a 6 yr old son he is teaching to toughen up. What is this world coming to? Why would  you toughen a German Shepard around a child who is a little tough guy himself? Watching with my eyes wide open. Am I one of the few who can not turn away and say that is not my problem? It doesn't make you friends, but it helps me sleep at night.

Just learned something the docs haven't figured out yet. When I am on Cephlexon, my lymphoma skin disease blows up something awful. It is a trigger. I am learning. Also, I learned that if you take Cephlexon with Metformin (for diabetes) it makes the Metformin stay in your system longer and can lower your sugar too far and get dangerous.  Slowly, I am lovin the Internet but I must explain that I only go to trusted sites. Not looking for spam or amateur opinions when it comes to my health.


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Barbecue

Well, my Thursday temporary crown plopped onto my tongue last night and I nearly swallowed it. So, I suspect I will be on a run to the dentist for a better cement job.
Today was great at work. Although it stayed busy the whole shift everyone was in a good mood and the time actually went by fast. I hurried home, changed and drove to my daughters for the barbecue. Hamburgers, hot dogs, chips and dips and freshly made potato salad. It was nice to get away from everything and concentrate only on the grand kids and family. The outside world took a leave of absence and the backyard became the universe. It was a grand afternoon.
Received more info that the family is still planning on moving in but possibly not for a couple of months. They have to get their home ready to rent as well as get things in my basement assembled so they can live relatively comfortably with their own privacy.
Hopefully, I can get the blood tests Wed. I shouldn't keep putting it off but I am nervous and just do not want anymore bad news. I know. Better to find out now if something is wrong or all is well. Ok, you win. Wednesday it is. 

Respect

I usually do countdowns on facebook. I love music so much that it is a way for me to enjoy a song and share it with anyone who is interested, whether it is for Christmas, Valentine's, Mother's Day, etc. I wanted to countdown to Memorial Day but this year the venom is greater than ever on some of the You Tube sites that show soldiers and emotional stories to the particular song. From respect and appreciation so much of it was anger and obscenity laced politically incorrect garbage that I withdrew. They wore me out.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That is the huge, most important hole in the values of the world. Unless someone is military or inside their church, how often do you hear, "Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Thank you. let me help you, I appreciate it".......  Seldom, right? And is it not music to your ears? But it shouldn't be that way. You have every right to expect that behavior when you open your eyes, walk out the door and interact with the world.
I lost friends in the Vietnam War; my husband served and gratefully survived. The year I lived on the US Navy Base in Yokosuka, Japan I saw things at the hospital there I will never forget. I heard stories from military personnel while working on the base that took my breath away. I cried often.
I prefer to remember and pray for all those soldiers, from the Civil War to today. who willingly place themselves in harm's way to protect and promote the values and successes of a truly free country."To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause."  I celebrate them with tears, love and hopes that a peaceful world can one day be a reality. Until that time, I remain dedicated and overwhelmed with pride beyond music and  words

My Blogs

Please keep in mind that my blogs, if you haven't already noticed, are sporadic and will jump from my past, to the future and back to today. I don't plan it that way, but have lived a life since my earliest memories that are filled with adventure, horror, love, redemption, anxiety disorders from past experiences. I never moved far away and on occasion I run into one to two of those who should be in jail for what they did to me, people who knew what torture I went through in this foster home but turned the other way until I was freed 4 yrs later and all they could say was they were sorry. I should have, I wanted to, I couldn't stand what they did to you, I thought someone would help you, I know you're family but we were busy,and the list goes on. So often, as I go above having rebuilt my life and keeping my immediate family tight around me, I occasionally am forced back to a dark, awful place.

In my blogs, when you read what you may feel are silly fears and concerns of mine, please take a moment to remember that as a child your strongest memories are framed and corner stoned into who you are. Many parents today have no clue that their mistakes and disinterest will affect their children for the rest of their lives. You lucky ones who grew up in a stable home should never take it for granted. You were blessed and as you've grown up and raised your children as you were, the world becomes a better place.

Sometimes I live vicariously through my friends and love hearing and sharing their happy childhoods and memories, joys of their times with their parents. I am grateful for them being in my life,

The Best Laid Plans

I thought people would be grumpy today at work doing their last minute shopping for the Memorial Day Weekend but they weren't. Yay. Glad to have the next two days off as I am certain they will be incredibly busy. Oh, crap!  I WORK Memorial Day! And I just made plans to spend the day with my daughter and the family barbecuing and playing cards. Aw, Gees. I hate it when my brain keeps things from me. I was happy to have the weekend off and avoid the rush. And I am working the holiday.

Well, that certainly changes my outlook. Ok. That's ok. My mouth is still real tender from all the work done yesterday and last week and my stomach is still bad soooo  I will go straight there when I get off, kick my feet up and play cards. I will settle for a half a day over no day anytime.

Funny, how the mind works. I knew I've been working Mon and Fri's since I went back... but I just didn't connect this Monday being a work day. I won't complain as I am so grateful to have a job that is so tolerant of my health issues. Today, I got a raise of 12 cents. It sounds small, but it makes a difference. It is more than yesterday.

I Think I Skipped Today

I think I skipped today. I have been here all day making phone calls, paying bills and making a dash for Frito's Butter Puffs. I did laundry. But, somehow I feel like today was just a number on the calender. A day when all that I've done feels like it was all just deja vu and today hasn't taken place yet. The street was quiet, void of echoing voices, traffic and nature. Could it be that simple?  All of the "theys" that are part of my daily exercise of life weren't there today and I felt as if in another dimension.

We take for granted the rustle of leaves, the whir of wings flapping, feet skipping, tires rumbling. They are just a small few of the canvas that is us. For some reason, this was a day without color or sound. Rod Serling, writer and producer of Twilight Zone TV series, would have surely written about today. I am glad it is nearly over... not that is has been awful. It has just been.

Sylvia called it a day

Sylvia called it a day yesterday. Her life was like the canvas she brilliantly filled with oil flowers and landscapes, seeing all the beauty life had to offer. She was doing so much better after having been sick for nearly 2 years. She was back to shopping and sharing her contagious laugh and smile.  Even at her weakest she would find something to smile about. I've known her over 40 years. She married my husband's good friend and they live just a mile down the road. She was 10 years older than Dale and everyone was sure it would never last... they were happy together for 40 years. She will be missed.

Compromise

I haven't left the house today. I watched the hummingbirds and bees fighting over the nectar. I watched the male finches fighting the females over the seeds. Everyone was hungry. Soon there were two hummingbirds at a time on the feeder and 5 finches clinging to the seed sock. They seemed to realize that a little compromise was necessary if anyone was to get enough to eat.It took some time before I picked up a little life lesson from it. 

I am hungry and have been for so long. I can't keep fighting the insulin that lets me get away with things I shouldn't eat. It's easy to think, it's okay because I'll up the insulin to make up for what I ate. I am hungry, and like the birds, if I want to survive I "have" to compromise and share the truth of my illnesses with the insulin and find a common ground we can agree to.

On a quiet, laid back day, I learned an invaluable lesson from the hummingbirds and finches.

The Reveal

I've put this off a few days but it is silly. I just thought if I had a couple more days things would change but they haven't.  My body is turning back to January before all of the scopes, scans and blood tests.
The pain in my stomach is back now most of the day. Food isn't digesting like it was and is back to slow and miserable. Today I choked in the grocery store. Off and on fevers are back along with the rest. I guess I should state, however, how grateful I am the colonoscopy revealed the precancerous polyps and they are gone. The way I feel now, though, I don't know if waiting 3 yrs is long enough for a new scope. Maybe 2.

So I am sad tonight. I still have blood tests and a thyroid test coming this week and hope those are fine. I am at wits end how to deal with getting strong and eating and walking more. Sugars are way up, I think, because mostly all I can eat are carbs.

I don't want to seem sniffley and sound like a whiner. For all that is wrong with me I usually keep my spirits up but I am allowing myself to be sad tonight.  Tomorrow I start fighting the fight again.

Retail

Having agoraphobia (fear of people that's not quite disabling) and being a cashier at a superstore is in itself a contradiction.  I don't look down the line or I can't breathe so I take the customers (or guests as Target calls them) one face at a time. I've started to ring up my daughter or next door neighbor and not known it until I look up. It happens often.. luckily most of them know my fear and just wait for me to look up before they say "Hi".

For some reason today, things just kept happening in line that made me look up and down the line to see too many faces. I have songs in my head to take off when this happens. One is the beginning of the song Soul Sister by Train: (Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. Hey, Hey) :) it has a good tune I promise. One of the other songs is "Tan Shoes and Pink Shoe Laces" from the early 60's I think. It works wonders. A few cases of intentional fraud couponers I caught and a short change artist. I got him confused. It all worked out.

I get frustrated with cashiers I know (NOT at my Target) that let their attitudes show and are rude or bored with the guest. Good I am not a manager as I would write them up, then out the door if it kept happening. Too many people need work.You smile, talk politely and thank them every single time. That is the retail rule. It is also what will keep or lose a good guest.

Nothing Is As It Seems

It smells like rain, but it's hardly hit the ground. It smells like fire, but it is on the other side of the mountain.

 Nothing is as it seems tonight. Since at least junior ( middle) high school I've had these periodic episodes where my senses get altered. I feel a dark or ominous cloud over me. My husband and daughter would bare witness to it. Within a few days, bad, sad or traumatic events occur to people who are close to me.. "almost" always in threes.  Long time can pass between the happenings, it's nothing regular or a special fete. I don't know what the  words are.  But I am so seldom wrong that my family always listens closely when I have them.

Nothing is as it seems tonight.  I have an almost uncomfortable feeling of calm, that feels tethered to a darkness hanging over me. It feels like I am preparing for  bad news but have no sense of direction it will come from. I'm relieved the times I am wrong, always bewildered when I am right. As things are right now, I am counting on being wrong.

Forward Progress

Don't you hate when the Novocaine wears off before you get out of the dentist's chair? It's been 6 hrs and I am beginning to feel a lot better. More work next week on the other side. Forward Progress.

I have an progress interview at work this Friday and am a little nervous. I know they were overly concerned when I choked at work. They wouldn't fire me, would they? No, they couldn't..they still have to employ me after to permanent injury to the base of my thumb. Or could they? Ok, this is about as long as I am going to stress over it. On Friday, I will see if it even mattered. I mean, anyone could keel over from a stroke, or heart failure or something. You can't fire someone because they scared the pants off you as you went blue in the face.    You really had to be there.

Still working on trying to find food to eat. Some main staples remain the same, however off they may sound to you. I can still eat: Smuckers Peanut Butter & Strawberry Jam frozen sandwiches, Frito Lay's Butter Puffs (my mainstay), Saltines, Ice Coffee, Shelled Pistachios (carefully with the throat), Tostito's Salsa on top of Saltines, cinnamon flavored diced peaches.  That is the standard that has helped me all week long... Lots of blood tests coming up this week. Gotta feeling I am going to get yelled at for high blood sugar but heck, most of all I can eat is carbs. I am just trying to survive here. Wish me luck on that day.

Misc.

Tomorrow is the root canal just beneath the latest extraction. Nothing will go wrong. And there's no place like home. I've been two for two going wrong. Tomorrow will be the start of things going right at the dentist. 

I am noticing at work that more people are paying with cash than ever. That is what has helped me. It is so much harder taking out the actual money and handing it over than quickly swiping a card.  It is more apparent you just spent money.

Tonight is going to be mellow. I'm recording America's Got Talent and Glee while I watch NCIS. A evening full of pajamas and my Butter Puffs.