Kennecott Copper Mines

The most wonderful place on earth, for me, is anywhere my daughter and grand kids are. The 2nd most wonderful place, for me, is Kennecott Copper Mines here in Salt Lake City, Utah. Spectacular, breathtaking, astounding, and awesome are words you hear from visitors all around you. It doesn't matter what age, the site of this magnificent achievement and ongoing progression leaves you nearly speechless. The colors of the rocks, the rainbow flecks of light in incredible magnitude that bounce off the sunshine. The nonstop regiment of trucks the size of bungalows that appear to be small Tonka Trucks keep you mesmerized as they come and go up treacherous rocky carved out roads to dump or pick up new loads. If you've never been or heard of it, I highly recommend you read or check on the Internet for references and pictures of the Utah Kennecott Copper Mines. The story how it's inception is itself riveting. The immigrants who came from all over the world to work the mine.

Being terrified of heights it is unusual how much I love it. It takes a few minutes for me to be gingerly walked to the railings so I can look across this amazing expanse. But once I am there, I have to be pried away. Like people on a beach, sailing, hiking, riding... there is an unexplainable peace I feel when I am there. It is my look into man's ability to progress; the thinkers who dream beyond, and the believers who make it happen. I can't get back there soon enough, perhaps this time I'll pack a lunch.

www.kennecott.com/visitors-center/take-a-virtual-tour  
www.kennecott.com

Learning

I see my neighbor kick his dog just ONE more time and I make a phone call. Somehow he thinks you need to toughen a dog and he has a 6 yr old son he is teaching to toughen up. What is this world coming to? Why would  you toughen a German Shepard around a child who is a little tough guy himself? Watching with my eyes wide open. Am I one of the few who can not turn away and say that is not my problem? It doesn't make you friends, but it helps me sleep at night.

Just learned something the docs haven't figured out yet. When I am on Cephlexon, my lymphoma skin disease blows up something awful. It is a trigger. I am learning. Also, I learned that if you take Cephlexon with Metformin (for diabetes) it makes the Metformin stay in your system longer and can lower your sugar too far and get dangerous.  Slowly, I am lovin the Internet but I must explain that I only go to trusted sites. Not looking for spam or amateur opinions when it comes to my health.


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Barbecue

Well, my Thursday temporary crown plopped onto my tongue last night and I nearly swallowed it. So, I suspect I will be on a run to the dentist for a better cement job.
Today was great at work. Although it stayed busy the whole shift everyone was in a good mood and the time actually went by fast. I hurried home, changed and drove to my daughters for the barbecue. Hamburgers, hot dogs, chips and dips and freshly made potato salad. It was nice to get away from everything and concentrate only on the grand kids and family. The outside world took a leave of absence and the backyard became the universe. It was a grand afternoon.
Received more info that the family is still planning on moving in but possibly not for a couple of months. They have to get their home ready to rent as well as get things in my basement assembled so they can live relatively comfortably with their own privacy.
Hopefully, I can get the blood tests Wed. I shouldn't keep putting it off but I am nervous and just do not want anymore bad news. I know. Better to find out now if something is wrong or all is well. Ok, you win. Wednesday it is. 

Respect

I usually do countdowns on facebook. I love music so much that it is a way for me to enjoy a song and share it with anyone who is interested, whether it is for Christmas, Valentine's, Mother's Day, etc. I wanted to countdown to Memorial Day but this year the venom is greater than ever on some of the You Tube sites that show soldiers and emotional stories to the particular song. From respect and appreciation so much of it was anger and obscenity laced politically incorrect garbage that I withdrew. They wore me out.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That is the huge, most important hole in the values of the world. Unless someone is military or inside their church, how often do you hear, "Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Thank you. let me help you, I appreciate it".......  Seldom, right? And is it not music to your ears? But it shouldn't be that way. You have every right to expect that behavior when you open your eyes, walk out the door and interact with the world.
I lost friends in the Vietnam War; my husband served and gratefully survived. The year I lived on the US Navy Base in Yokosuka, Japan I saw things at the hospital there I will never forget. I heard stories from military personnel while working on the base that took my breath away. I cried often.
I prefer to remember and pray for all those soldiers, from the Civil War to today. who willingly place themselves in harm's way to protect and promote the values and successes of a truly free country."To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause."  I celebrate them with tears, love and hopes that a peaceful world can one day be a reality. Until that time, I remain dedicated and overwhelmed with pride beyond music and  words

My Blogs

Please keep in mind that my blogs, if you haven't already noticed, are sporadic and will jump from my past, to the future and back to today. I don't plan it that way, but have lived a life since my earliest memories that are filled with adventure, horror, love, redemption, anxiety disorders from past experiences. I never moved far away and on occasion I run into one to two of those who should be in jail for what they did to me, people who knew what torture I went through in this foster home but turned the other way until I was freed 4 yrs later and all they could say was they were sorry. I should have, I wanted to, I couldn't stand what they did to you, I thought someone would help you, I know you're family but we were busy,and the list goes on. So often, as I go above having rebuilt my life and keeping my immediate family tight around me, I occasionally am forced back to a dark, awful place.

In my blogs, when you read what you may feel are silly fears and concerns of mine, please take a moment to remember that as a child your strongest memories are framed and corner stoned into who you are. Many parents today have no clue that their mistakes and disinterest will affect their children for the rest of their lives. You lucky ones who grew up in a stable home should never take it for granted. You were blessed and as you've grown up and raised your children as you were, the world becomes a better place.

Sometimes I live vicariously through my friends and love hearing and sharing their happy childhoods and memories, joys of their times with their parents. I am grateful for them being in my life,

The Best Laid Plans

I thought people would be grumpy today at work doing their last minute shopping for the Memorial Day Weekend but they weren't. Yay. Glad to have the next two days off as I am certain they will be incredibly busy. Oh, crap!  I WORK Memorial Day! And I just made plans to spend the day with my daughter and the family barbecuing and playing cards. Aw, Gees. I hate it when my brain keeps things from me. I was happy to have the weekend off and avoid the rush. And I am working the holiday.

Well, that certainly changes my outlook. Ok. That's ok. My mouth is still real tender from all the work done yesterday and last week and my stomach is still bad soooo  I will go straight there when I get off, kick my feet up and play cards. I will settle for a half a day over no day anytime.

Funny, how the mind works. I knew I've been working Mon and Fri's since I went back... but I just didn't connect this Monday being a work day. I won't complain as I am so grateful to have a job that is so tolerant of my health issues. Today, I got a raise of 12 cents. It sounds small, but it makes a difference. It is more than yesterday.

I Think I Skipped Today

I think I skipped today. I have been here all day making phone calls, paying bills and making a dash for Frito's Butter Puffs. I did laundry. But, somehow I feel like today was just a number on the calender. A day when all that I've done feels like it was all just deja vu and today hasn't taken place yet. The street was quiet, void of echoing voices, traffic and nature. Could it be that simple?  All of the "theys" that are part of my daily exercise of life weren't there today and I felt as if in another dimension.

We take for granted the rustle of leaves, the whir of wings flapping, feet skipping, tires rumbling. They are just a small few of the canvas that is us. For some reason, this was a day without color or sound. Rod Serling, writer and producer of Twilight Zone TV series, would have surely written about today. I am glad it is nearly over... not that is has been awful. It has just been.

Sylvia called it a day

Sylvia called it a day yesterday. Her life was like the canvas she brilliantly filled with oil flowers and landscapes, seeing all the beauty life had to offer. She was doing so much better after having been sick for nearly 2 years. She was back to shopping and sharing her contagious laugh and smile.  Even at her weakest she would find something to smile about. I've known her over 40 years. She married my husband's good friend and they live just a mile down the road. She was 10 years older than Dale and everyone was sure it would never last... they were happy together for 40 years. She will be missed.

Compromise

I haven't left the house today. I watched the hummingbirds and bees fighting over the nectar. I watched the male finches fighting the females over the seeds. Everyone was hungry. Soon there were two hummingbirds at a time on the feeder and 5 finches clinging to the seed sock. They seemed to realize that a little compromise was necessary if anyone was to get enough to eat.It took some time before I picked up a little life lesson from it. 

I am hungry and have been for so long. I can't keep fighting the insulin that lets me get away with things I shouldn't eat. It's easy to think, it's okay because I'll up the insulin to make up for what I ate. I am hungry, and like the birds, if I want to survive I "have" to compromise and share the truth of my illnesses with the insulin and find a common ground we can agree to.

On a quiet, laid back day, I learned an invaluable lesson from the hummingbirds and finches.

The Reveal

I've put this off a few days but it is silly. I just thought if I had a couple more days things would change but they haven't.  My body is turning back to January before all of the scopes, scans and blood tests.
The pain in my stomach is back now most of the day. Food isn't digesting like it was and is back to slow and miserable. Today I choked in the grocery store. Off and on fevers are back along with the rest. I guess I should state, however, how grateful I am the colonoscopy revealed the precancerous polyps and they are gone. The way I feel now, though, I don't know if waiting 3 yrs is long enough for a new scope. Maybe 2.

So I am sad tonight. I still have blood tests and a thyroid test coming this week and hope those are fine. I am at wits end how to deal with getting strong and eating and walking more. Sugars are way up, I think, because mostly all I can eat are carbs.

I don't want to seem sniffley and sound like a whiner. For all that is wrong with me I usually keep my spirits up but I am allowing myself to be sad tonight.  Tomorrow I start fighting the fight again.

Retail

Having agoraphobia (fear of people that's not quite disabling) and being a cashier at a superstore is in itself a contradiction.  I don't look down the line or I can't breathe so I take the customers (or guests as Target calls them) one face at a time. I've started to ring up my daughter or next door neighbor and not known it until I look up. It happens often.. luckily most of them know my fear and just wait for me to look up before they say "Hi".

For some reason today, things just kept happening in line that made me look up and down the line to see too many faces. I have songs in my head to take off when this happens. One is the beginning of the song Soul Sister by Train: (Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. Hey, Hey) :) it has a good tune I promise. One of the other songs is "Tan Shoes and Pink Shoe Laces" from the early 60's I think. It works wonders. A few cases of intentional fraud couponers I caught and a short change artist. I got him confused. It all worked out.

I get frustrated with cashiers I know (NOT at my Target) that let their attitudes show and are rude or bored with the guest. Good I am not a manager as I would write them up, then out the door if it kept happening. Too many people need work.You smile, talk politely and thank them every single time. That is the retail rule. It is also what will keep or lose a good guest.

Nothing Is As It Seems

It smells like rain, but it's hardly hit the ground. It smells like fire, but it is on the other side of the mountain.

 Nothing is as it seems tonight. Since at least junior ( middle) high school I've had these periodic episodes where my senses get altered. I feel a dark or ominous cloud over me. My husband and daughter would bare witness to it. Within a few days, bad, sad or traumatic events occur to people who are close to me.. "almost" always in threes.  Long time can pass between the happenings, it's nothing regular or a special fete. I don't know what the  words are.  But I am so seldom wrong that my family always listens closely when I have them.

Nothing is as it seems tonight.  I have an almost uncomfortable feeling of calm, that feels tethered to a darkness hanging over me. It feels like I am preparing for  bad news but have no sense of direction it will come from. I'm relieved the times I am wrong, always bewildered when I am right. As things are right now, I am counting on being wrong.

Forward Progress

Don't you hate when the Novocaine wears off before you get out of the dentist's chair? It's been 6 hrs and I am beginning to feel a lot better. More work next week on the other side. Forward Progress.

I have an progress interview at work this Friday and am a little nervous. I know they were overly concerned when I choked at work. They wouldn't fire me, would they? No, they couldn't..they still have to employ me after to permanent injury to the base of my thumb. Or could they? Ok, this is about as long as I am going to stress over it. On Friday, I will see if it even mattered. I mean, anyone could keel over from a stroke, or heart failure or something. You can't fire someone because they scared the pants off you as you went blue in the face.    You really had to be there.

Still working on trying to find food to eat. Some main staples remain the same, however off they may sound to you. I can still eat: Smuckers Peanut Butter & Strawberry Jam frozen sandwiches, Frito Lay's Butter Puffs (my mainstay), Saltines, Ice Coffee, Shelled Pistachios (carefully with the throat), Tostito's Salsa on top of Saltines, cinnamon flavored diced peaches.  That is the standard that has helped me all week long... Lots of blood tests coming up this week. Gotta feeling I am going to get yelled at for high blood sugar but heck, most of all I can eat is carbs. I am just trying to survive here. Wish me luck on that day.

Misc.

Tomorrow is the root canal just beneath the latest extraction. Nothing will go wrong. And there's no place like home. I've been two for two going wrong. Tomorrow will be the start of things going right at the dentist. 

I am noticing at work that more people are paying with cash than ever. That is what has helped me. It is so much harder taking out the actual money and handing it over than quickly swiping a card.  It is more apparent you just spent money.

Tonight is going to be mellow. I'm recording America's Got Talent and Glee while I watch NCIS. A evening full of pajamas and my Butter Puffs.

Lyp and Chemo Pills

Early visit today with my dermatologist regarding my Lyp (Lymphomatoid Papulosis).  12 yrs of staying one step ahead of this rare lymphoma skin cancer. I had to have a liver biopsy 2 yrs ago because of all the methotrexate (chemotherapy pills) I have to take and was given a pass but a noted slight thickening of the liver. Today new blood tests were ordered and he has asked me to try cutting out one pill per week for 2 months and then cutting another pill a week for 2 months, then a new followup. I've never been down to 4 pills per week. I started at 10. 

3 months ago I messed up. For 6 weeks I took methotrexate AND folic acid on the same day which is a huge no-no as the folic acid renders the methotrexate useless. I broke out in sores, literally, from the top of my scalp to my toes. It took 2 1/2 months to get back to where I was before that. So, cutting back on the pills does make me a little nervous, I also don't want a destroyed liver.

1 year ago I lost a good friend of 30 years because of the damage done to her liver by the  methotrexate. She was in a study and never knew for certain how much of the drug she was given through the years. She had wicked rheumatoid arthritis in her hands. Until then, she was an incredible artist. She did a sketch for me to use with a short story I entered in a church contest and won first place. I always felt that her sketch had a large impact. Today brought back her words of caution to me a few months before she died. "Be careful"  I get light box treatment once a week, that also helps. Perhaps, less meds, more light. As I learned again today, doctors are still learning about the disease. There are so many challenges at my door, but I am always ready to stand them down. I've been winning and plan to continue to win. I must adapt and alter things in my life, I won't be absorbed by the distractions. Life is wondrous and I plan on marvelling at all it's wonders for a very long time.

Mother's Day 2012

With the exception that my poor daughter is home sick in bed, it has been a quiet but wonderful Mother's Day today. As usual, my husband got up early and raced to buy me a card still managing to find the perfect one.  We are saving the special dinner for a couple of weeks when I can eat a little better.  Texas Roadhouse is where I've been longing to go since last November. I always get the Roadkill which is the ground sirloin steak, baked potato with extra butter and sour cream and a sweet potato with the works to bring home for later. Excellent. I intend to groan with delight and savor every morsel. Definitely worth the wait.

Not everybody has someone for Mother's Day.  If you know someone who is alone, please stop by or give them a call.  It takes little time and reaps enormous rewards.

Sorry, Mom.

What went wrong in my mind that it took from 1968 to now to discover how old my mother was when she died?  Her death, by suicide, occurred when I was 17. I am not up to going back there tonight, as it may as well have been yesterday still.

All the years I've gone to her grave site, left the flowers and occasional notes I "never" read the year of her birth.  I told people in the past that she died at 42, and so did Elvis. Quite a few people I knew or were celebrities died at 42. Just like my mom. Or so I thought.

I just sat with her at the cemetery and began to brush off the headstone like I always did when for the first time I "really" saw the year of her birth:  1923.  She died in 1968. She was 45 when she died. It may sound trivial to you but to me, I feel I horribly disrespected her. How could I possibly have gone to visit her so many times in the past, cleaned the headstone, placed the flowers, cried the tears and not have ever seen the year until now? I believe in life after death with all my heart and with that same heart I know it doesn't matter to her. That she loved, loves and will always love me as her daughter that broke the day she died.  She paid it no mind the day I first got it wrong. I should be so kind to myself.

Choking

So I have to worry about choking. Check. But I did not even think for a moment it might happen at work and right in the middle of a transaction with no food or drink the culprit. All I did was speak as I leaned over and took out money. I choked on my own saliva. I will save you the drama but it was quite awful. I have this esteem problem which didn't improve with this. It caused me to dry heave so badly trying to get in air in the restroom that I honestly thought for a moment I was having a massive heart attack. The pain that shot through my chest was incredible. Since it happened I am afraid to eat or drink which is silly, I know. It didn't last long, but felt like forever.

So Many Errands

The past couple of days have been filled with so many errands that I have been too tired to write. Last night I just sat here thinking of what to type and couldn't do it.

Amazing how things work. The newspaper no sooner published an article on how Utah roadways were safer and fewer fatalities than in the past when all Hell broke loose. In the past 2 days there have been several horrific fatal accidents. We used to see an increase due to "road rage" and now it is more than ever "distracted driving". You know what I am talking about. Constantly aware now of the car next to me as more often now the car will drift over as they are on the phone or texting. It is not so much now that you think there is a drunk driver ahead of you, as a distracted driver and sure enough when you get up to them, they are on the phone. I know we all have moments when we feel we need to make that quick call..but to sit and gab and laugh and expect to manage your 2,000lb vehicle? Deadly.

My son-in-law's surgery is coming up Monday so all attempts and moving, cleaning, etc has come to a pause. He has a huge hernia that;s about to strangulate so they're doing exploratory at the same time to check everything out. Seems they missed this one 2 yrs ago when he had surgery for Diverticulitis...
He will need 1 wk off his feet, then 1 wk light work.. hopefully it will be a quick recovery. He hates not constantly doing something. 

As for me, I get tired of complaining. I still can't eat much without getting sick. I try to stick to mellow foods and things that won't get stuck in my throat. If I could just get my insulin down.  I have a lot of blood test coming up soon.. I want a thyroid test. They did one 2 yrs ago and it should I was low; they chose to redo the test and it said it was normal. They chose the latter but I've always wondered if they shouldn't have done a 3rd to be sure which was right. I can't lost a pound tho I starve. I should at least be losing some weight with all this. We will figure it out yet!

I Won!

No signs of any more hummingbirds. This one may have been a fluke. Drats.  Still, it shouldn't be more than a few days.

I am so excited. I won 4 tickets to the Utah Blaze game. (Indoor arena football). After the sports broadcast on KUTV2 News Saturday night they offered 4 free tickets to the person whose twitter they chose. Moi!
I got the word the next morning. "You win." Short and sweet.
Tomorrow I am picking up the voucher from the front desk at the television station. I don't know what game they are for yet. Oh, tickle me pink. Nothing's better than a dose of unexpected joy.