Misc.

Tomorrow is the root canal just beneath the latest extraction. Nothing will go wrong. And there's no place like home. I've been two for two going wrong. Tomorrow will be the start of things going right at the dentist. 

I am noticing at work that more people are paying with cash than ever. That is what has helped me. It is so much harder taking out the actual money and handing it over than quickly swiping a card.  It is more apparent you just spent money.

Tonight is going to be mellow. I'm recording America's Got Talent and Glee while I watch NCIS. A evening full of pajamas and my Butter Puffs.

Lyp and Chemo Pills

Early visit today with my dermatologist regarding my Lyp (Lymphomatoid Papulosis).  12 yrs of staying one step ahead of this rare lymphoma skin cancer. I had to have a liver biopsy 2 yrs ago because of all the methotrexate (chemotherapy pills) I have to take and was given a pass but a noted slight thickening of the liver. Today new blood tests were ordered and he has asked me to try cutting out one pill per week for 2 months and then cutting another pill a week for 2 months, then a new followup. I've never been down to 4 pills per week. I started at 10. 

3 months ago I messed up. For 6 weeks I took methotrexate AND folic acid on the same day which is a huge no-no as the folic acid renders the methotrexate useless. I broke out in sores, literally, from the top of my scalp to my toes. It took 2 1/2 months to get back to where I was before that. So, cutting back on the pills does make me a little nervous, I also don't want a destroyed liver.

1 year ago I lost a good friend of 30 years because of the damage done to her liver by the  methotrexate. She was in a study and never knew for certain how much of the drug she was given through the years. She had wicked rheumatoid arthritis in her hands. Until then, she was an incredible artist. She did a sketch for me to use with a short story I entered in a church contest and won first place. I always felt that her sketch had a large impact. Today brought back her words of caution to me a few months before she died. "Be careful"  I get light box treatment once a week, that also helps. Perhaps, less meds, more light. As I learned again today, doctors are still learning about the disease. There are so many challenges at my door, but I am always ready to stand them down. I've been winning and plan to continue to win. I must adapt and alter things in my life, I won't be absorbed by the distractions. Life is wondrous and I plan on marvelling at all it's wonders for a very long time.

Mother's Day 2012

With the exception that my poor daughter is home sick in bed, it has been a quiet but wonderful Mother's Day today. As usual, my husband got up early and raced to buy me a card still managing to find the perfect one.  We are saving the special dinner for a couple of weeks when I can eat a little better.  Texas Roadhouse is where I've been longing to go since last November. I always get the Roadkill which is the ground sirloin steak, baked potato with extra butter and sour cream and a sweet potato with the works to bring home for later. Excellent. I intend to groan with delight and savor every morsel. Definitely worth the wait.

Not everybody has someone for Mother's Day.  If you know someone who is alone, please stop by or give them a call.  It takes little time and reaps enormous rewards.

Sorry, Mom.

What went wrong in my mind that it took from 1968 to now to discover how old my mother was when she died?  Her death, by suicide, occurred when I was 17. I am not up to going back there tonight, as it may as well have been yesterday still.

All the years I've gone to her grave site, left the flowers and occasional notes I "never" read the year of her birth.  I told people in the past that she died at 42, and so did Elvis. Quite a few people I knew or were celebrities died at 42. Just like my mom. Or so I thought.

I just sat with her at the cemetery and began to brush off the headstone like I always did when for the first time I "really" saw the year of her birth:  1923.  She died in 1968. She was 45 when she died. It may sound trivial to you but to me, I feel I horribly disrespected her. How could I possibly have gone to visit her so many times in the past, cleaned the headstone, placed the flowers, cried the tears and not have ever seen the year until now? I believe in life after death with all my heart and with that same heart I know it doesn't matter to her. That she loved, loves and will always love me as her daughter that broke the day she died.  She paid it no mind the day I first got it wrong. I should be so kind to myself.

Choking

So I have to worry about choking. Check. But I did not even think for a moment it might happen at work and right in the middle of a transaction with no food or drink the culprit. All I did was speak as I leaned over and took out money. I choked on my own saliva. I will save you the drama but it was quite awful. I have this esteem problem which didn't improve with this. It caused me to dry heave so badly trying to get in air in the restroom that I honestly thought for a moment I was having a massive heart attack. The pain that shot through my chest was incredible. Since it happened I am afraid to eat or drink which is silly, I know. It didn't last long, but felt like forever.

So Many Errands

The past couple of days have been filled with so many errands that I have been too tired to write. Last night I just sat here thinking of what to type and couldn't do it.

Amazing how things work. The newspaper no sooner published an article on how Utah roadways were safer and fewer fatalities than in the past when all Hell broke loose. In the past 2 days there have been several horrific fatal accidents. We used to see an increase due to "road rage" and now it is more than ever "distracted driving". You know what I am talking about. Constantly aware now of the car next to me as more often now the car will drift over as they are on the phone or texting. It is not so much now that you think there is a drunk driver ahead of you, as a distracted driver and sure enough when you get up to them, they are on the phone. I know we all have moments when we feel we need to make that quick call..but to sit and gab and laugh and expect to manage your 2,000lb vehicle? Deadly.

My son-in-law's surgery is coming up Monday so all attempts and moving, cleaning, etc has come to a pause. He has a huge hernia that;s about to strangulate so they're doing exploratory at the same time to check everything out. Seems they missed this one 2 yrs ago when he had surgery for Diverticulitis...
He will need 1 wk off his feet, then 1 wk light work.. hopefully it will be a quick recovery. He hates not constantly doing something. 

As for me, I get tired of complaining. I still can't eat much without getting sick. I try to stick to mellow foods and things that won't get stuck in my throat. If I could just get my insulin down.  I have a lot of blood test coming up soon.. I want a thyroid test. They did one 2 yrs ago and it should I was low; they chose to redo the test and it said it was normal. They chose the latter but I've always wondered if they shouldn't have done a 3rd to be sure which was right. I can't lost a pound tho I starve. I should at least be losing some weight with all this. We will figure it out yet!

I Won!

No signs of any more hummingbirds. This one may have been a fluke. Drats.  Still, it shouldn't be more than a few days.

I am so excited. I won 4 tickets to the Utah Blaze game. (Indoor arena football). After the sports broadcast on KUTV2 News Saturday night they offered 4 free tickets to the person whose twitter they chose. Moi!
I got the word the next morning. "You win." Short and sweet.
Tomorrow I am picking up the voucher from the front desk at the television station. I don't know what game they are for yet. Oh, tickle me pink. Nothing's better than a dose of unexpected joy.

Hummingbird

Saw our first hummingbird...shimmering green with a white throat outlined in black. The season has begun. We love every morning and evening watching them come in to feed and fend off intruders. It delights us more every year.I want to see if National Geographic has a book after their documentary about the Hummingbirds. It was fantastic! They said many of the birds are no longer just staying in the same places.. some are migrating to other parts of the US and the world at large. It still amazes me that their eggs are the size of a Tic Tac.

It may be hard to understand but when I was on radio I was my completely true self. I would come to work with a horrible cold, sinuses or pneumonia a couple of times but the moment I turned the mike on I was mostly healthy. If the listeners heard a sniffle I would get calls for remedies. If I said I got sunburned they called in with cures. I was not afraid of anyone, even though in talking politics the conversations could get very heated. I felt safe, in control and sure of myself.  But then, the show would end and by the drive home I was my same old insecure, scared of the dark, strangers and bogeymen. I can't explain the protection that mike gave me. There are stories out there of what some hosts go through with unstable listeners - from being stalked, threatening letters and obsessive behavior to get your attention.  I do want to try doing it from home but still have people to meet with and see if a podcast is reasonable and inexpensive.

This N That

Today at work was a big reminder of why I fear people.Let me premise that because of a freak injury to my right hand thumb joint which was destroyed by a falling large, glass bottle of Olive Oil, I am delegated to the Express Lane: Can't work over 3 hrs tops. Can't lift anything over 5 lbs but I have to a few times a shift. First 2 hrs most sales are for lunch or quick  first aid, hair color or a Wedding Gift, etc.Very few heavy things come through.. but inevitably some do and I make do how I can.  If I were in a regular lane there'd be carts chuck full of cans, large and small, too many things I can't lift. My joint rubs bone against bone and (hurts badly) but I've learned little tricks to using the left hand or guiding things across the palm of my hand and saving the thumb whenever possible.

I was told by 2 cashier team leaders that I am one of the quickest cashiers on the Express Lane so I consider that I huge accomplishment since most of the time is painful and I am able to keep that away from the guests. I make it a goal to make it almost impossible to know I am hurting.  Sometime this fall, I hope the company will allow the surgery. Right now, I may need a cortisone shot to get me thru the summer rush. Want to be healing by Christmas rush.  Have I said how wonderful Target has been to me? I will say it again. They never make me feel like an imposition and go out of their way to keep up my morale. I know sometimes they see I need to squeeze my joint and shake the pain out but I try to hide it.

Sorry, a bit chatty tonight. Lots and lots on my mind. My son in law has to have major surgery on a hernia they missed after surgery for diverticulitis that is on the verge of strangulating... and are performing exploratory to make certain they didn't miss more. We are lucky he is alive. Everything burst during the surgery but their quick thinking and fast action saved his life.

So work of them moving in has slowed a bit as the surgery is next week and we don't want him making things worse before them. He has all summer and needs to slow down. He doesn't take uppers or have ADD, he just is always anxious and like to keep moving and working. It is a chose trying to get him to slow down. Love him. Melanie married well as he is such a gentleman and respectful to us for over 10 yrs now. All in good time. Slow down, get well and all will happen in it's own time.

Well, everything I just wrote went poof! into another dimension. Sorry. Took a while to write, too.

It was just a diatribe about the continued extreme pain from the extraction... Tylenol may as well be plain drinking water. BUT, I am on my way to getting better, being able to chew real good and not always afraid to choke, even though I keep choking.  I t does make life interesting.  ;)

It Was A Tender Mending

It was tender mending. The tooth had been so beat up the past few months that it will take a little longer to heal. The bad news... isn't there always something?  is I need a root canal next Wednesday. They took xrays today and found things they need to take care of. We've spent a year on one extraction that went bad and ended up taking a 2nd tooth so they haven't really checked the rest of me out. One additional root canal may happen in a month, That is ok. By the time they are finally done I may be able to chew steak. Soooo grateful these are far back teeth.

My swallowing and eating is being cruel tonight. I am starving. But I guess that is what the doctor wants. Hah! We definitely need to revisit that issue. I need to buy some protein powder to add to the drinks my husband is making but all I see are flavors. Vanilla, chocolate... is there a "no taste"?  The drinks may be my safest bet in getting some sort of nutrition.  The challenge continues. Anyone with some advice, please leave a comment. I am all ears.. and could use some help.

DARK MOOD

I don't like the mood I am in tonight, it is foreign, oppressive and I need to bid it adieu. For all of the life I can remember, and believe me, the childhood is best forgotten but not, I see the light at the end, bruise with the bumps in the road and adjust my path to unpleasant forks in the road.  It is something I am quietly proud of and try to share with others when they are despairing in some way. You are not a victim, you are a survivor. Every pain or fall allows you to appreciate feeling well and achieving. It is you who decides your spiritual aura, your center of comfort.

Tonight, I didn't listen to the small voice and made poor choices. It seemed to open up bad thoughts and I found myself beginning  to falter and weep for myself when I should be rejoicing. Keep the doors in your mind closed that hold fears and temptations, pity and helplessness. If they open, it is up to you to shut and lock them. Perhaps one day, you will want to visit them, but only when you need to weep or share the fears. It is astounding how powerfully strong bad feelings can be. It takes an even stronger spirit, soul to cause them to retreat to a place away; far from your joy.
Sharing this tonight has already calmed my troubled mood.

Tender Mendings

I've been too tired the past couple of days to put my thoughts  onto the blog.


Tomorrow is the return visit to the dentist for a follow up on the extraction. I followed all the rules but they think I have a dry socket. Lovely. But, I am holding out for just a very tender mending.  It's not such a bad thing, holding our for tender mendings....

Cat Worry

Spring Clean-up trucks are coming by early in the morning so yesterday was a long yard work day..getting ready for the kids to move in made for a lot in the house to go as well. Perfect day for it though..mid 50's and nice breeze.  Today was on the lower 60's. We spent nearly all our energy yesterday and moved like snails but still got things done.

I am now at a stalemate over books. There is a pile to box & store, one to donate and one to keep. I have moved books from pile to pile, causing the donate pile to shrink. You have to know when to stop and go on to something different while that part of your overworked brain recuperates.

If you went back far enough I am pretty sure I told you about Bella. She is a gorgeous, sleek, black Bombay cat with gold eyes. I got her from the pound over a year ago when she was about 7-8 weeks old. After a couple of weeks my allergies went off the chart and by good fortune my daughter adopted her. So she is still in the family. However, the hunter in her came out, the love of outdoors and stalking prey.She brought in 3 birds, 2 snakes and a mouse and almost never uses her cat box because she is outside most of the time. DILEMMA: She is coming back to live here and we don't have a doggie door (yet, anyway)and I am more afraid of her getting hit or attacked by a couple of wild cats that come around.  I am not worried about the allergies so much because as a kitten she would jump on me, scratch and try to lay on my neck or shoulders... now, she is queen of her castle and only schmoozes at bedtime or when hungry. So why am I worrying over this? I don't know either. Everyone else is certain she will be just fine and make herself right at home. Ok, then. But I still feel the need to worry.

Starve for a Year

Argh! Bear with me, if you are new to this blog. Ok. I saw my primary care dr. today. I will try to not con volute the whole thing or draw it out. A few months ago I saw him due to stomach pain, inablility to keep food in, starving (the operative word today) and an intestinal bacterial infection. It all lead to lots of tests that found and corrected some problems (the life saving removal of 4 polyps is just one) weak stomach muscles, semi working epiglottis and newly found degenerative cervical spine ( very stiff, snap, crackle and popping neck)... blah blah.
Today the dr says the neck degeneration is not worrisome.... yet, learn to deal with it. Ok.  When I told him the delayed stomach emptying (gastroparesis) diet called for almost entirely carbs which I can't eat with Diabetes and Cholesterol he pondered. I broke the silence and told him of my suspicions of injecting too high doses of insulin and this was what he told me in a nutshell.  I made a good point and it was entirely possible, BUT, he wants me to go on a strict LOW CARB diet, try to eat a protein now and then and STARVE for a YEAR. During that time I could mess with my insulin and try decreasing the dose to check my theory and see if it helps lower my sugar readings. He said you will probably hate me for the year you are starving but losing some pounds and lowering your insulin will make you live longer in the end. WHAT? 
Did he forget I told him months ago I was STARVING??  The only few foods I could tolerate were carbs? Damn! I had so much to talk with him about in 10 min. time. I was so dumbfounded I took it all in and nodded and promised to STARVE.
So, with a swollen face from the tooth extraction that feels as sore as the first day, a stomach ache from starving all day and a headache from the stress of it all, I will bid you adieu tonight. I bet you are as confused as I am. He had a way of saying it that just messed with my brain until I was on the drive home and it all hit me. Somewhere he simply missed that starving was my issue. Oh, I can't think about this anymore tonight. My poor body and brain is so confused.

Page Views

I wasn't going to post to day; I am so frustrated in hearing that most of my page views are from spammers who want me to click on them to get my info. I finally thought I had a fair share of people who cared and read my blogs. Now, I just don't know.  Google IS aware of this but seems to do nothing to stop these sites they KNOW are doing this.   Grrr.........Rant!!   If no one is here, why continue?  Once again, PLEASE if you enjoy my blogs take a second and become a member...it just takes your email. I am feeling like an idiot posting to no one.

At 9:40 am I see my primary care to find out about the neck and advice on eating.  I think, seriously, my insulin injections are way too high... they don't seem to come down no matter how high or low I inject. It might also be part of the problem.

I will save myself if it kills me.

Ouch

Ouch is just not the word for tooth pain. It is good for stubbing toes, hitting your crazy bone, pulling out the sliver, etc. But the throbbing that goes up your face, into your eye and out the top of your head is just indescribable. So there you have it. That is me at the moment. Anchor tooth became history. Since he sutured this one I can only pray there are no leftover shards of bone like last time.  He would only say we're doing an implant; but not if we'll then retry the bridge or go for another implant which he said someone else would have to do cause it's right at my sinuses. Ok, I am not going there in my mind. One day, tooth at a time. I made him let me pick out a toy from the children's toy box. I have earned it this year.

It will be time for another pain pill when I record Ghost Hunters in the front room, Survivor in the bedroom and American Idol in the office. They all come on at the same time so I record and watch GH, then lend the tape to my daughter. The rest of the evening I spend watching the other two. Wednesday's are my remote and tv night. Channel Flipper usually makes plans so I am on my own to enjoy.

Simplifying

I am enjoying simplifying my life. I started just over 10 years ago when we converted the basement into an apartment for our daughter (our only child, my miracle girl). I simplified again in 2002 when she moved to Oregon for 6 months and I lived out of a suitcase. There was so much joy in being with her and helping that I hadn't time to miss anything material.

Now, I am downsizing again and doing so with much relief. As much as I have given away, I still have more "stuff" than I will ever read or use. It's been fun sitting up and going through the books; some to box up for a couple years, some to give away and some to keep on the shelf.

Tomorrow is another dreaded trip to the dentist. I can pretty well guarantee you that he is going to pull the anchor tooth that won't get better, in fact the past 3-4 days it has become more painful.  I think he will replace it with an implant and then my poor bridge in the drawer. I have this brand new Water Pik flosser just waiting for my new bridge. It's going to be outdated before I get to use it. 

It is Official...

Nothing was as it was supposed to be today. Dan had a large job today but suddenly showed up home a couple hours later and went straight to bed. 3 hours later he came out drinking everything he could and put on a wet shirt. Apparently he had quite a time with heat exhaustion, was vomiting and disoriented. He made it home until he could get his strength. Scared me. He is my rock. Like the trooper he is, he went back to work and got it done.

It is official. Daughter, son-in-law, 2 grand kids are coming back home and living in the basement for a couple of years until they can get caught up on the credit card bills and save enough for a down payment on a larger home on a quiet street, not like the race course they live on. It will take patience on every one of us but we love and respect each other so much, it will simply be an adventure.

Old Habits

My lack of due diligence ( had to use that, all the politicians do) cost me today.The family came over to help get ready for the spring clean up and I let my common sense rest for the day. I had 4 pieces of Hawaiian Pineapple Pizza. I rationalized that chewing real slow would make it ok. Gees, I was wrong. I am paying dearly tonight and not a happy camper. It truly does take a lot of thinking to overcome old habits and start fresh. My mind tells me one thing but my hunger overrules. Totally, misery of my own making. I am sure some of you have been there. At least I hope I am not alone in the war.

We have a 1968 Mustang that has been sitting idle for just under 10 yrs. Today, at the prompting of our 8 yr old grandson we cleared off the leaves and merely put in a new battery. VROOM! It started on the first try. Andrew is now on Cloud 9 with excitement. We were all surprised. Built Ford Tough was just a commercial until today.

I realized my doctor had never sent me a copy of the swallow studies for my files so I stopped by and picked it up. Imagine my surprise when the first line read, "Initial imaging demonstrates multilevel degenerative changes of the cervical spine."  I just thought I had a creaky neck that was a little more difficult to turn and look behind my left and right side. The right stops early and I can't look back. I crackle like gravel some days but never gave it thought. Now, I accidentally discover my cervical spine is degenerating. Beats me why neither the swallow technician or my primary care doctor thought to tell me of that little tidbit as I've since learned that caution should be exercised to avoid neurological damage or paralysis.  I will ponder this some other day. This is not the day.

I learned today that my daughter, her husband and 2 children will be moving in with us sometime this summer or early fall. They live on a horribly dangerous street. This way they can also save some money to put down on a larger home as their's was quite small. It will be a test of patience for everyone. We love each other more than I could say but quarters will be tight. The basement has 2 bedrooms, one with a bath and tub/shower. The other just a small closet but a toilet in the small laundry room. Then they'll have a long space for a gas stove, sink and some shelves and drawers. The other half will be a frontroom with the couch, chairs and tv. Their own private entrance into their living quarters. I want them to feel it is "their" place. It will help them financially and help me as I get so lonely and have missed having them here since they moved out in about 2005 or 2006. Melanie worries about my health and being alone so often. God will help us. The home will be filled with love.

Peace and Joy..

Friends

True friends, friends, friendships and acquaintances. They are each different in many ways, important ways, but in this high tech, hurry-up, me first world we don't pay it much attention until we get smacked in the forehead. Pow. Something said or done suddenly stops you in your tracks. Literally stops you, makes you think hard. Up becomes down. You collect your thoughts and realize that your definition was not the same. Someone you thought was a true friend, was not. Or an acquaintance says things to imply more of a friendship than you are comfortable with... you see what I mean? We are so rushed to abbreviate our words and our time that we are actually abbreviating our feelings as well.

I finally felt the smack in the forehead. I now have to adjust my feelings about it so I can let it go.  In a few months time I have transitioned from having what I felt was a true friend, to a friend. Now, it's time to accept that the friend is a friendship and be content with that. The world has been tumbling, in need of repair and as troubles confound us we have stronger needs to reach out to someone. Never stop reaching out, there's always someone there but not always to the depth you want them.  A professor lectured at the Univ.of Utah many years ago that if you can count how many "true" friends you have on more than "one" hand, you need to reanalyze what a "true" friend is.

Mirrors

I have had it up to here with mirrors today. Dreadful. I don't ask for the truth when I look, I just want to see. I want to put the make-up on, comb the hair, confirm the attire is in place. I don't want to see a wrinkle that showed up overnight, a cowlick or snug pants.

However, just days ago someone thought I was my daughter's sister. You see? You can find the right balance to a negative thought. It just took me a little extra time tonight.

A Figure 8 Day

Today has been a Figure 8 day, lots of left and rights and no straight aways. First, this Vita Mix juicer may put me over the edge. The Channel Flipper, my husband, finally got it out of the box and began to experiment without a lot of help from the recipe book. He threw in some red onion... just because he could. That was this morning. I don't know what he did but late tonight the house still smells like red onion. 

Work went well with only a couple of miscues. I walked up and typed in my team member number without even thinking (got on the bike) and began ringing up the lunch crowd. Several actually asked me where I had been but I spared them the details (peddling). Then came the lady who always starts to eat her lunch in line; remember I am starving to spare my stomach til I get home. Her choice today was sushi and the smell of the fish was as strong as the fish farm in Park City; she had a piece of something in the corner of her mouth and stuck out her tongue to whip it back in.. (crashed). I didn't barf. I don't know why because there was never a better justification... but I persevered. (No blood trail.) I call that success.   That was the only hiccup and I am not at all worried about Thursday.

Went to Barry's viewing tonight but said goodbye a room away. For many years and many reasons but for a few exceptions, I say goodbye a room away. I believe that the deceased soul is in the room and understands. Even when my mom died just before my 18th birthday I did not look in the casket. Oh, some people were aggravated with me, called me disrespectful, but I knew where mom was and it wasn't in there. But she was in the room.  There's nothing wrong with saying goodbye a room away.

Back To Work Jitters

To say I am nervous about going back to work tomorrow after 3 months medical leave is an understatement. I know it's like falling off a bike, but I was never very good on a bicycle. In fact, my last time riding a bike was my senior year in high school. I still have the 2" scar on my ankle. I left a trail of blood on the street, up the driveway and to the back door that looked right out of a movie.

Back to the job. My stomach is still awful so I can't eat before work.I am thinking Gatorade at the check stand and some Teddy Grahams in my pocket.There's going to be a new team leader that I've never worked with before and I just learned they forgot to brief her on my medical leave, hand injury and need for the Express Lane only.Wow, it sounds like I am quite the pickle, but I am a good hard worker and worth the effort. I just paid myself a compliment, that rarely happens so I won't delete it.
I have self-esteem issues; I think everyone has, whether they have too much or too little.

It "Was" A Beautiful Day

It is hard to appreciate the blue of the sky when emotional clouds come your way.

This morning I learned a  high school classmate, Barry, had suddenly passed away. He was involved in a serious motorcycle accident in the middle of last year and was poked full of rods and screws. A member of the band and acting class in school he was one of the few to actually fulfill his dream of being on stage and participated in many big, State productions, including "The Phantom of the Opera".
Just weeks ago he reported his improvements and mobility; of course, anxious to get back on his motorcycle.  Just 5 days ago he was accepting friends on Face book. Then he suffered a freak fall and died. Like that, a sudden end to what was a beginning. Just a close of the eyes and I see him like yesterday standing on the stage we shared our Senior Year...He played my father and I was Alice Sycamore in "You Can't Take It With You".  His final curtain call too soon.

15 minutes ago my grandson called. "Grandma, I have something to tell you." "What is that, honey?" "Slurpee is dead." Slurpee was their pet guinea pig, but ownership belonged to my granddaughter. 
"I am so sorry, what happened? "I don't think he got enough Vitamin C. and Abby is crying. I wanted you to know.I have to go help take care of business." Aged 8 and 10, this is their first close taste of loss of a loved one.

 

Friday the 13th

I am amazed I let Friday, the 13th go by without a mention. I married my Channel Flipper on Friday the 13th  in Tokyo, Japan while he was in the Navy during the Vietnam War. As we walked into the US Embassy we both commented that we were glad it was Saturday the 14th. Hah! Neither of us had done the Time Zone equations.We wouldn't have waited anyway.. it took almost a year to save enough money to fly and meet him, he was in port for only a short time and love was raging. We opened the door and the largest calender I'd ever seen said FRI, MAR 13th. We just looked at each other and started to laugh. It has been our lucky number ever since and yes, we always use 13 on lottery tickets..winning once in a while ($8.00) power ball. Very once in a while.

Tonight I watched my daughter sing in a double quartet singing The Star Spangled Banner acapella at a church function . It was great. The simple things in life. No cameras, producers, re-takes and commercial breaks; just real people giving what they have to you.

It's Name Is Ledge

Since it sounds ridiculous and isn't easy to spell, let alone the looks I get when I say "epiglottis" I will from here on refer to it as "the ledge". That's what I always thought it was, how I referred to whatever it was that was causing me to choke, cough and sometimes aspirate (that is scary). 
Tonight I must say farewell to my favorite Busch's Baked Beans. No matter how well you chew they have such a fine skin that can easily attach to your ledge like it did mine.Frightening moment grabbing water and trying to gulp but couldn't.. remember, gulping can cause you to aspirate and I was already doing that.  Yes, definitely noted in the diet journal.

Today was not the stormy day they forecast, it decided to splinter around the state and pass by sometime tonight. It was beautiful, warm enough to leave the sweater home but cool enough to put a swing in your step. I got fascinated in a parking lot watching this large machine with a hammer drill on the end, poke holes and knock chunks out of the recently vacated FYI Music Store. (Now where am I going to sell my used CD's?) There is something about watching destruction. Things going up are not nearly as interesting as things being knocked down.

Wouldn't you know it?

Wouldn't you know it? First thing I got up this morning I learned that Utah (Southern) had an earthquake as well.. a 4.3. I thought things only happened in three's.


It is another Pepto Bismol day today. Thank goodness for my Butter Flavored Puffs; no matter how my stomach feels I can have some to stem the cramps or nausea. I have no idea why but they work for me. Dehydration is starting again; before I got sick I loved water and now I don't even think to drink it. I will carry it around in the car and not take the lid off. I used to drink 2-3 bottles a day of Strawberry Kiwi Crystal Light until I learned the ingredients, The other flavored waters I've tried just don't have the taste I seem to need. I am wondering if  a watered down Kool Aid would work? Not overly sweet but more flavor than the waters?  Thinking, thinking. I may just try it.


I wish life were simpler, that just one thing was wrong and just one diet would fix it, but I also wish someone would send me a million dollars. I try not to waste too much time on wishes but rather on  achievements; getting myself from here to there.

Can't Sleep

Sorry, I am having trouble getting to sleep tonight. The mind just won't  mellow out for me.


Within the past 24 hrs there has been an 8.6 earthquake in Indonesia, a 6.5 in Mexico and a 5.9 off the coast of Oregon. I am terrified of earthquakes. I didn't give them much thought until I lived in Japan for a year during the Vietnam War from Feb 1970 to March 1971. Japan averages 3 quakes a day, I know I felt on an average of 1-2 a day. Your life, during those times, was to run under a doorway, a desk or to an open area if you had the time. I know what they sound like in the ocean, under your feet and being knocked back and forth in my small home. In Utah I live very near a fault; that fact is never lost on me and one of the first things we bought was earthquake insurance.
When Japan had their horrific quake and tsunami my heart broke and it took little to imagine their terror and running and ducking and praying.

A Great Day.

It has been a great day today. I woke up late, with ambition yet and ran several errands without needing assistance. IT took me 2 hrs to do 1 hrs worth of shopping but I kept it slow to not overtire and it worked. Usually, I am exhausted by mid afternoon.  I accomplished a lot today.

I was extra cautious with food and avoided trouble there. Things are looking up. I am due soon to see how my triglycerides. cholesterol, diabetes and liver is doing. I began new cholesterol pills I was unsure about and my blood sugar won't come below 175-225. Once I get those results I can better keep supplied in the right foods. I used to love eating.. Hamburgers, fries, chili, crab,,,, oh I am making myself hungry.

I was asked how I always keep so happy. It is because I love being alive. If I can't always actively participate, I share the joy of others. My family loves me h ow I am, how could I ever complain when so loved.

The Bridge Down The Line

If I seem distracted I am typing this while listening to local talk radio and crazy people are distracting, especially when you can hear they are medicated in one form or another. Late night radio does that. I should know.. my radio show was always late night. You gotta love them but patience is a must.

The dentist wants to wait at least another two weeks to put in the bridge, even then if there is the tiniest discomfort he will postpone it again. After what he considers is extra reasonable time and there is still the problem we have to discuss an implant. I think, he thinks, that will be my cost. Hmmm, don't dare comment how I feel about that.He does everything for free (outside of the $2,000) I paid, am still paying for the original bridge. All revisits and temps and new temps are free.

Got stupid once again. I was starving and ate two very rich mini cupcakes. That was at 2 pm, it is now 11 pm  and I am still paying for it. Try to believe that I did not even give it a thought. before i ate them. When you always feel like you are starving and still creating your own diet, you screw up. I screwed up.

I Wish I Was In Wendover

Did you see Bubba Watson in Augusta yesterday? Wow.Never mind the forest his golf ball was in.

My dentist called me twice today. He will not put in the bridge tomorrow but wants to "sit down" with me and figure out our next move. Ohhhh I hated the sound of that. It doesn't type well either. I just know he is going to pull what was a perfectly normal tooth until he prepped it to anchor the bridge.Then what?
I wish I was in Wendover, Utah playing the penny slots right now. You can't think with all the noise and color and movement. Concentration comes later.

Beautiful Easter Morning

Ir's an incredibly beautiful Easter Morning here in Utah. In a couple of hours we will be going over to my daughter's in-laws for the annual dinner and Easter Egg Hunt. I am taking my new camera to continue the bonding. Her in-laws kind of adopted Dan and I after we lost his parents, my dad and both my lifelong foster parents all within 4 years. We now go to their house for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. At my daughter's house we have a barbecue in the summer. It's special how they've just taken us in..all the youngest those years ago treat us exactly as family they grew up with. We are so lucky.

I will have to be cautious what I eat and continue logging things down. The last few days my stomach has been better than a very long time since I'm being  careful.

However, the retreat of the root canal for the bridge is not going so well. There is still discomfort with a minor bite down. Tuesday is my appointment to again get the bridge but I have a feeling it won't happen.They called me Friday. The dentist is nervous that there may be a hairline fracture that may have occurred when he prepared the tooth to anchor the bridge.   I will hope for the best.
You should never run out of a supply of Hope. 

It's Official - I'm On The Schedule

I was tickled to see today that I am finally back on Target's schedule. Even before the medical leave I can only work 3 hr. shifts due to an on the job injury I incurred over a year ago in a freak accident between me and a large bottle of olive oil. It got knocked over and popped the base of my right thumb and destroyed the joint. I've been getting by, so far, on cortisone shots ...which I need soon since feeling better I am doing more and using the thumb which is once again screaming with pain. IF the shot works it lasts several months. Target is paying everything and the upcoming surgery when I tell them it is time and no more shots. Also, from a bad broadside and younger injury I have permanent spinal pinching and bulging discs. I live with that ok, just can't stand in one spot over 3 hrs or the leg goes numb and buckles - not too entertaining for the customers... (at Target, we refer to them as "guests", not customers.)
I cannot give up my Saltines (Premium is the top of the list for me). No dry foods. But, ahah! Don't shudder. Every morning I have a cup of Starbuck's Ice Coffee and dunk a Saltine in until it is softened and eat it. I have never choked on one and it doesn't hurt my stomach. It goes on my list of what I can eat without trouble. Oh, this journal is going to be unique indeed.
Another lesson, I will need to purchase a bag of straws. Even at home I am more often than not choking or getting water stopped midway down my throat. A straw eliminates the problem for me.
Might go the a restaurant supply house and get them real cheap. Getting sick put us in the red real fast.

A Journal

Happy Birthday, Gregory Peck. He was an incredibly handsome, talented actor. Most renowned for his portrayal of Atticus Finch in "To Kill A Mockingbird" in 1962. One of the best books ever written was by Harper Lee. When asked why she didn't write another novel, she replied that there was no way to top what she had written. She knew its worth and mark it had made on everyone who read it.
Reading her book you could smell the dust kicking up in the street, hear the wind howl and take a breath of fear of "Boo". I could not recommend it stronger.
I've begun a journal of what I eat and if it does or does not cause me to choke or to get sick and how long after eating it takes. Hopefully, after a few weeks I can take this to my primary care doctor and see if there is enough nutrition to follow my own amateur diet.  Ha, it is interesting so far. I have learned that butter & sour cream on a baked potato isn't good. Fat, I suspect. Today I learned to even one small leaf of lettuce on a bland cheese sandwich with mustard is quick to react. I think if I'd just had a mustard sandwich I'd have been ok. So all these things I am writing down.
I still have a sense of well being. I still choke easy. I learned you need to do a "chin tuck" when you swallow as it help the epiglottis close your airway. Use a straw, don't tilt your head back when drinking. See!  I am on the path!!

A New Day

How is this for a day? I saw 3 separate accidents within seconds of their occurring. Fortunately none of the three were too serious but all involved totalled cars. Things come in threes right? I should be good for a few more days.
I was so careful on what and how i ate. Until the doctor advices me on one specific one to not injure any of the other maladies I will be set. Shopping!!
It's been a hard go and long time coming to resolution. I have faith that with the right diet and following the swallowing instructions I will be back to a better, healthier self. Darn right.
I am anxious to try the camera again. I mostly write to pictures or photos that inspire a story. It is going to be a fun adventure.
This was a good day.

Patient, Heal Thyself.

Ok, I don't have the money or insurance to do all this stuff. I have hospital insurance only and that costs me over $700 a month. Now, they want to send me to an Ear, Nose & Throat Doctor. No. Plain and simple.
I spent the past few days, eyes burning, searching the Internet for answers and I got more through on-line than anyone else has given me. I can do this now. The colonoscopy literally saved my life..the endoscopy showed my stomach muscles don't work as well as they should so I need to alter my diet to accommodate this, the swallow study showed the epiglottis working at half staff so I need also to change my diet, how I eat and tilt my head when chewing, etc. Combine those with the other dietary needs of the diabetes, triglycerides, Crohn's Disease and irritable bowel and I will come up with what works for me and my body. Onward! I am armed with information.
The trip today was so fun. I actually charged my camera, pointed and clicked and got a few good pictures. I am in the early stages of camera bonding. This is the most relaxed I have been at the end of the day in a long time and it feels good.

Just Shaking My Head

I can't wrap my words around all of this frustration. I always try to keep it simple even when it's not.I was told I had a lazy epiglottis, right? Today the nurse calls to tell me that I'd already be consulted on what to do. What? She had the report; it said I was told about the condition and that I was to eat a bite and then drink, eat a bite and then drink. (I drank Barium, I wasn't drunk..those words were never spoken.) I should eat lubricated foods.What? The nurse didn't even know what that meant. It was pure Twilight Zone. Never again will I be the first patient in the morning..over half the report was fiction. Now we are back to, well, the doctor isn't in again today but we'll call you tomorrow and straighten this all out.
I have diabetes, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, Crohn's disease, gastroparesis and an epiglottis that doesn't like to work. Each requires a special diet and most conflict with the other ailments. Help.
So, tomorrow is another day, another piece of this crazy puzzle. If we can just connect all the dots I will be smiling like a fool.
My daughter, grandkids and I are running away for a few hours tomorrow. There is a store about an hour away that has a huge candy selection at old time prices for the kids and renowned odds and end of every kind for us. It will be fun and a nice change. Smith and Edwards is the store.
Peace and Joy.

Epiglottis..

Epiglottis..funny word I always laughed at. It happens to  be a source  of some of my troubles. I did xrays of my swallowing yesterday and had difficulties getting down 3 various barium drinks and a type of thick graham cookie. All the technician would say was that I had a "lazy epiglottis". It's basically like a tiny bridge that opens when you eat to protect your airway and lungs. Mine doesn't like to open and is slow about it which explains why I've been aspirating, choking pieces of food, can't breathe at night...a lot of things. I have to wait until Monday for the doctors to read the entire results and what they say can or can't be done. I've read you can see a speech therapist to try and strengthen the muscles and get it working better again. I've read a lot of things since yesterday morning. Some of it scares me. Some of it leaves me thinking we have a chance to improve a lot of things.

Parkinson's Disease is in the family and has shadowed me with fear since I was an early teen. This is a symptom but as far as I could tell I have none of the other symptoms. I am relieved they finally found a solid reason for my swallowing issues as 2 separate doctors failed to see it or take me serious. If I had not pushed the issue last week, the specialist was going to settle with nothing "physically" wrong with me that would affect the airway and choking. Guess what?  She was dead wrong. That part makes me so angry..if you saw the patronizing way she looked at me after giving me the results of the endoscopy and colonoscopy when I said there is something else, something missed that is causing me this trouble. She insinuated it could be psychological. I am eager to speak with her directly. This, unchecked, could turn into something very serious if it isn't treated correctly. Stand your ground.

Bridge in the Drawer for Now

Well, my new bridge is in their drawer. They decided to retreat the root canal under the anchor tooth which meant 2 1/2 hrs of drilling, adjusting posts, 6 xrays, 6 bouts of hydrochloride into the root to kill any germ or bacteria. You know the smell of Clorox? That is the taste of the hydrochloride. Nasty! Dr. said there has to be a reason that after a root canal I am still tender to touch and chew so they looked and poked and looked and drilled. Now, we wait. If the pain goes away - Hooray! I get my bridge. If it does not, he said there is no alternative to seeing an oral surgeon to approach my root from the bottom down. I simply cannot afford then and refuse to think about it right now. Thinking happy thoughts and a good outcome. There is no room for any more negativity.

Getting some people wanting me back on talk radio. I do miss it horribly. I've been thinking about looking into doing a pod cast from the house a couple nights a week. If it is not too expensive or hard to do that may be the way to go. I know I could get a few advertisers. I am looking into it. Being on radio was the best job I ever had.. I still get on every couple of weeks for about an hour. Love it.. it is in the blood.

The bridge to nowhere. Got a call this morning just as I was heading out the door that my bridge wasn't ready and rescheduled for tomorrow morning. This afternoon I got a call from them that they are concerned that I still have pain in the anchor tooth.They did a root canal on it last August so after all this time they're afraid something is going on.. like an extra root? Anyway, tomorrow, instead of my fancy bridge, Novocaine and pain .But if they can take away the throb when I chew, great. Just a little delay.
Listen to me. I sound like some moaning, groaning mutant. I am a happy person. I take things in stride and make the best of bad situations. People like to be around me in real life. A lot of things have come together at the same time. I am sorry. There are always brighter days and I loved every one of them, even the bad days have a learning experience. Sometimes you just have to look for them.

Not sure what is going on but so exhausted today I spent most of the day in bed, not sleeping but keeping my eyes closed, listening to television and feeling yucky from head to toe. No fever.Maybe it all caught up to me. Not 10 minutes sleep all day but hours of rest.
Tomorrow, or I guess today, I get the new bridge in my mouth. Wow, 12 months later. I won't know what to do being able to chew on my right side. If it goes well, I may summon the courage to look for cavities and get everything done asap. In a couple of nights it will be fun for my facebook friends but I don't know about me. I had an old water pik for flossing but every single time I used it water sprayed everywhere including my eyes. So I went out and bought a better new one without a dangly cord to trip me up. In a couple of days I will give it a try.
Hoping to hear VERY soon from the doctor with a schedule for my swallowing test. It's been far too long too keep me unwell, malnourished and stressed. I am sure it won't be long now. Second week of April and I will work 2 days at Target to test my stamina and increase as I get better.
Take care. Peace and Joy.

I walked in my space today, sat on the couch and spent a good deal of time trying to make sense of this Gastroparesis Diet. It's best to wait til Monday when they contact the Dr. and find out once and for all did I also have GERD because if so, half the diet will go out the window and if not, I've been taking meds for several years that I didn't need to.
Don't let all this worry you. The point is, question everything. If it doesn't make sense to you, ask your doctor to simplify it until you do. If it still doesn't, don't hesitate, get a 2nd opinion. I only know of one perfect being on this earth and it was Jesus Christ. All are capable of mistakes. I have saved my own life at least twice by not trusting the feeling I had and got a 2nd opinion.
Still say, Pepto Bismol is king.

It has been a crazy day. Everything planned fell through and small emergencies took over. I was able to get in at the last minute to get "light box" for my rare lymphomatic skin cancer (have I ever mentioned that? I better look back) and as I walked back to my car, my daughter called in despair. A one hour dentist visit turned into over 3 hours with a cavity under her crown deep into the bone. So for once I was the one helping out, running for meds and comfort goodies. I bought her a small basket and filled it with puzzles, candy, lip gloss and,,, Drum Roll, Please....Cadbury Cream Eggs.
Still a little out of it, I drove my grand angels to their Karate Class and home via 7-11 for slurpees, cream cheese taquitos and chips.
Lymphomatoid Papulosis. My diagnosis in 1997, It is very rare, no known cause and no cure but various treatments. Many doctors still have not heard of it. It was named in the mid 1970's. The disease alone will not kill me, but it increases my chances of Non Hodgkins by 30%.  Blood tests every 3 months and 6 methotrexate pills a week, plus the narrow band rays in a light box have helped me keep in in a lower grade. That is for another day. Some have it worse than others, there's different ways of manifestation on the skin.
Dan is still limping and wore another patch tonight but it looks to be decreasing in swelling.
Sorry, if I was all over the map tonight. Still jittery from an active day.

Dan's discomfort is easing a titch. (spell check will love that) but his knee has doubled in size. Last night we wrapped a Tylenol Heat Patch on it and he said that made the night easier to get through. He wants to try again tonight. Since the injury occurred while he was on a job I have begun filling out a worker's comp application should he need xrays or further treatment. Getting him to a doctor is unbelievably difficult. We are talking about a guy who stitches his own wounds. Yeah.

I feel some progress has been made meeting with the Dr. today but alas, I need to have another couple of tests to check out my esophagus and swallowing functions. Also the stomach muscles may not be moving at the normal pace which slows down digestion. I heard much about the importance of water and being hydrated. Eat 6 times a day, have a glass of water with each meal. I was surprised to learn that immediately I must stop milk, cheese, red meat and high fructose corn syrup (which promotes constipation) and a host of other things. She gave me a sample dietary plan. I will share more with you. Not consuming milk also includes cream soups which are my favorite. Ah, well, at least we are finally moving forward.

Oh, yes, 3 of those polyps were pre-cancerous for sure. She said I don't know what made you decide to have your colonoscopy, but it was good you did. The scariest part of the whole issue is that my own proctologist from 2001 told me last year I didn't need another one for a few more years, instead of the recommended every 10 years.  My intestinal infection saved my life.

Just a check in to say hello and sorry that I am quite tired tonight. Dan fell down a flight of stairs yesterday and the pain is shooting through his right side..from the shoulder, hip, knee and ankle. He is refusing so far to see a doctor thinking a couple days of rest will work but I doubt it. I hate to see him suffer like that.
Tomorrow is my day at the doctors. I am nervous. I want answers that will help me, not more of tests and let;s try this and that. I've been there. I need to eat and get strong. Target is wonderful but I need money desperately. Desperately. Let's cross our fingers.

Stick with me, please.  I've had a strong inspiration i know will help all of us.
After I meet with the specialist and learn my limitations and dietary requirements I will share them with all of you. I know there are thousand across the world with stomach and digestion issues, many who can't afford to see the dietitian or learn what to do.  I hope to help.
Afterwards, I will open another blog dedicated to those of us who could learn from each other. I will visit local eateries and list foods that are beneficial and those to avoid. Place that can cater to those with tender tummies, etc. I think it will be fun and educational and help us lighten the burden of living with this discomfort.  We can do it. I only hope you will be with me. When I finally get my new camera out of the bag and memory cards installed and charged it will be fun to include pictures of the foods at the different locations. I have a very good feeling about it.
This blog will remain for my craziness, updates and confidences to you just as before.  I will let you know. This could be the start of a great relationship.

I am trying so hard not to be sad or negative but it is hard when you are starving all day long and what few items you can eat are now making you sick. Thank Goodness, I learned today that I meet with the specialist this Thursday @12:40 pm. My daughter will come with me to help me absorb it all and remember the most important things. Why did they make me wait 5 weeks? That can't be normal, can it?
My brain is getting slower and foggy. I often have to think a sentence through before I can answer.My body is screaming, "feed me". I am trying, dear body, do not give out on me as we are so close to finding the answers and fixing the problem.
Most of my facebook friends have no idea how serious things have been the past few months. I want to rant and cry and state my frustrations but we all have troubles. Some like to share them, others like to keep everything below the surface. You can't blame them.
I need my hummingbirds to entertain and enthrall me. Hope the hurry soon. You can see I am sad tonight, I am sorry. I like to keep those things secret.

We got the device hooked up and now have Netflix on the front room television. I've been paying the monthly fee for 2 years so the kids could watch movies on my computer whenever they came over. It will be fun having such a great selection of things to watch.  Now, my dilemma. I am bundled with Century Link for my phone, internet & Direct TV. I have to call to see what harm it is going to do me to drop satellite. I am sure they will raise my monthly phone rate but was locked into a plan for the internet for 5 years so...  wish me luck. The whole point is to save money where we can but it won't help much if we are heavily penalized for messing with the bundle.
Haven't checked yet, but am hoping for the tv series, "Magnum P.I.". Tom Selleck is my man.

Love Sunday evenings... The Amazing Race and The Good Wife. Wow. I love that the Race takes me around the world, though sometimes some of those racing have few endearing qualities. The Good Wife has a very good cast, made better by incredible writing that hasn't failed an episode yet. Believable dialogue with a well thought out story is everything.

Well. I've sat here for 10 minutes thinking about what to type. It has been such a gray day. The wind is still blowing and expected to increase to 50-60 mph gusts after midnight tonight as a storm front moves in. Partly cloudy skies mixed with dust, dirty cars ( mine is so splotched), ornery people and still being stomach- miserable has made for just an "iffy" day. Pepto Bismol is my best friend at the moment. In the past years I've tried Mylanta and store brands but always went back to Pepto.TMI? It shouldn't be because we all have stomachs and troubles now and then. We focus so much on the exterior that we can't talk about the interior... and that's why people get sicker than they need to be. Embarrassment or awkwardness is no excuse not to seek help when necessary because if you don't you are risking greater health drama or death. I have lost friends because they put things off til they were critical.

Trying hard not to get too concerned but all day I have been quite sick again...go back a couple of months when I couldn't eat without pain and stomach distress. I've been extra careful what I do eat to let my throat heal and see the dr. But today, things went into a nose dive and cramping and severe abdominal pain are back. Will call the doctor for a liquid diet sheet. I am in way pain, using all the creams I can but it feel like I have kerosene in me. Wouldn't wish it on an enemy.
If you have suggestions, I would be ever so grateful to hear them. It's been to long to be like this.
So, understandably it is uncomfortable to sit long tonight so keeping it short.
Thank you for being there. I have given some of you faces.

Sometimes you have a bad day and just as you are about to despair you find out that others had such a worse day. I am glad my bad day wasn't so bad.

Today is my 42nd Wedding Anniversary. Who'd have thought it? We got married in Tokyo, Japan. As we were getting out of the taxi and walking into the Embassy I told my soon to be  husband I was glad it was Saturday the 14th instead of Friday the 13th. Hah, never calculated the time zones but it wouldn't have mattered. Friday the 13th has since been our favorite day and lucky number.

The wind has been relentless today. I normally enjoy blustery days but this has kicked up some dust that won't quit. The air is brown and you can taste it by this afternoon.

Today I bought 2 Sony units and cables to hook up the tv to Netflix. Great sale at Target and my employee's discount made it affordable to our cinched budget. Direct TV costs are killing us and so much of it is now repeats and moving shows to different channels to fill the space. I have loved it and don't know yet how I can watch all of NASCAR. The adjustments will be worth the savings. I haven't cancelled yet, but am having early withdrawal.

Ouch. The swelling is almost down but the pain in my mouth is still high. For some reason the dentist did a little more drilling on what I thought was a ready anchor tooth. The temporary bridge is now in again for 3 weeks before the real one takes over. It will be nearly one year to the day since we first started to fix my tooth. Drama, drama. Ora Base works miracles on sore gums..Anbesol is good but the samples of the Ora Base was better, I think.
Hey, I forgot all about my other issues for the day. Now, that is a good thing. Like reading Entertainment Weekly (my most favorite magazine) always take my mind away.I love movies, tv, music, books and knowing the behind the scene little details.Maybe that is why I write. My life has been an ongoing adventure since I was 7 yrs old that I can remember. I keep hearing I MUST write a book about my life. I think of doing it often. It definitely would not be dull.

First time ever I forgot to set the clocks forward last night. I thought tv was bewonkers until it dawned on me. I am one of those opposed to Daylight Savings but for merely selfish reasons. I don't like it light at 10 pm. The whole thing messes with your body clock. More people are getting put off by it and every year various legislatures try to get rid of it.
It has been a year since my dentist pulled a tooth I thought was just a cracked crown. Long story short. It was fractured roots. He pulled the tooth and left bone in. After convincing him 2 weeks later that something was still there he pulled out a bone the size of a shark's tooth. You got it.. 2 more weeks later I went back and he pulled out more bone tho smaller. 4 weeks later he put in a bridge. 2 months later after much relentless pain, he pulled out the bridge. Oh, he hadn't waited long enough for the gums to heal after 3 retractions and I was hamburger. Now HE is paranoid; first time in 30 years that's happened he said, so he's made me wait since Nov. 2011 to make certain the gum is healed. Tomorrow is the day. I don't know how he is going to do it, the anchor teeth are obviously ready but hey, I want to be able to chew again. One more mistake and I want my $2,000 that I couldn't afford, back. Wish me luck. Haha, these past two months have not exactly been a cakewalk. "I get knocked down, but I get up again." Love the song.

Way to go Real Salt Lake! They won their soccer game against Beckham and the LA Galaxy tonight in L.A. Now, truthfully, I don't like soccer. Played it in junior high and got beat to a pulp. I never watched or played it even when all these years later a gorgeous, huge soccer stadium was built here in Sandy, Utah. What would happen overseas at soccer games scared me.. the violence and tragedy at GAMES for crying out loud. Never was I going to be remotely close to a game.
The came Connor, a nephew of my daughter through marriage. He was one of his high school stars and they were having a Utah State Playoff here at the Real Stadium. Would I like to come?
Crap! Had to support the family so begrudgingly went along barely daring to look at first. At first. I screamed, I jumped, I yelled. But I also heard the grunts and groans, the broken hand, the smashing of unprotected bodies colliding. All in all? I had a blast! But on the way out, I knew I would not attend another game. I don't have the make-up to be in that audience. Don't get me wrong, I totally respect the game and the players, I simply cannot watch them.
Then tonight, instead of news it was the last 30 min or so of the televised game and I almost broke my couch as Real scored 3 consecutive goals. It was great. No, I still will not attend a game in person, but surely did enjoy tonight. Note, I did not use the word never.

Sorry this will be short tonight. Lack of food is catching up and I am too weak to sit at the keyboard and don't want to talk foolish ramblings.
Please, if you have read me more than once, I'd so appreciate a comment just to let me know you are real. Gotta lay down for a while. I love all of you out there.

I didn't get up until 330 am to look outside for some solar displays. I didn't see anything but a black cat that tore past me so fast I almost fell into the front door. That was enough for me.
I am getting anxious to get back to work. I am on an experimental diet of mellow foods for now.The doc needs to determine if its fiber, dairy, meds, whatever is causing my duodenum to inflame and digestion worsen. Aw, it's such a miserable topic. I banish it. When I can eat and get my strength back I'll be happy. Legs are back, but light headedness and starving is still bad.
Moving on, tonight is the last of Utah's Legislature and once again they are scrambling like bumpkin mice to pass the final bills. Once again, some are resorting to shenanigans of closed door meetings and political bribery that has slowed things down, hence the mad dash. They never learn. Each time someone is elected they make promises and denounce the practices of those who've gone before and BAM! they want to write a bill with their name on it and renew the process of power gone awry. Everyone wants to write and pass a bill.

I love hummingbirds and was like a kid in a candy store tonight watching a documentary on the PBS Channel. I am an armchair traveler and have much respect and gratitude to those who bring the world and its' wonders to my home. The photography of these tiny souls was breathtaking. Did you know the size of their eggs is comparable to a Tic Tac? They literally hibernate at night to conserve energy. It was a fascinating fundraiser for PBS so I am hoping it will be repeated this week. Perhaps Netflix would have it or PBS.com. You would enjoy it.
Tonight is a full moon, a "worm moon" to be more exact having to do with earthworms. Don't ask, that's all I know via KSL TV's meteorologist Kevin Eubank.
I am crazy but planning to set me alarm for 245 am MDT. That is 15 minutes before they are expecting the solar explosion to first affect the east coast of the U.S. Power grids could be affected, airplane communications, Northern Lights enhanced. I probably won't see anything but want to say I tried. Not that I want anything weird and Hollywood Cosmic to happen. My life is plenty full right now, thank you.

I'm sure some of you will identify with the frustrations of packaging. You need tools just to open something. It took me an hour to get my camera and all the accessories out of the toughest plastic I've ever had to deal with. Scissors, a pen, a pocket knife, scrapes on my knuckles and plenty of bad words went into it. But, I did it. This bonding got off to a rocky start. I can laugh about it now but I was near tears a few times. What cruel mind decided to seriously embed the product? One with a perverted sense of humor.

It was over 60 degrees yesterday here in Utah, tonight it is 30 and snowing. Just 10 miles west of me they have 50+ mph winds and 7 inches of snow in the past few hours; here I have an inch at most and breezy. Yesterday, my husband saw a large, yellow butterfly, today just wind and dust before the storm. I love this place. All the seasons, all the colors and mountains as high as the sky.

I bought a camera, a Cool Pix . In the early 70's I was really into photography, self taught at developing. Before I was a police dispatcher I began taking accident /fire photos for the local paper.It was all going well until a horrible day. It was Mother's Day. I think 1976.Anyone who worked in any Sandy Dept. that day remembers the Mother's Day Electrocutions.There were so many calls it overwhelmed the 911 system. 2 friends were attempting to put up an antenna for a CB in their apartment. There were wires overhead and they made contact. Both men were electrocuted and literally impaled by the pole into the ground. It was beyond horrific..the wives and children were there and being on a main street people were grabbing their CB's as well as phones and calling 911. No one was able to disconnect the men from the voltage. I didn't have my pager so someone else took the pictures but that night, for hours, I helped another officer develop them up at the fire dept. All these years later, it takes but a second to remember every detail. Shortly after, I told the departments I would not be taking pictures anymore. The whole feel of photography buried itself inside me.
But recently my need to write is growing stronger. Two things help me. One is music and the other is pictures...from magazines, calenders, old photos, book covers, etc. I was just beginning to take my own pictures for inspiration when this happened. I gave away my camera.
Well, I have a new one I must bond with. My last camera was ancient. I hope to start again and write along with it. This is a big step for me. Thanks for letting me share this part of my life.

A girlfriend from high school took me out for some soup today and it was great. Zupa's Soup Restaurant.. they are from Utah and now have 11 restaurants. They were so good... lots of variety of soups, salads and sandwiches. I had Wisconsin Cauliflower.
And yes, I got sick an hour later. But the more I can absorb the better. I can't keep being afraid or I won't get any nutrients.
We bought a Vita Mix a few days ago. My husband thinks it will save my life and help his. It is supposed to puree all types of smoothies, soups,dressings, salsas, etc. pulp and all. I will be happier when I am able to eat those things. I'll have to tell you how it works out.
Take care,my friends, I am very tired tonight. Thanks for being there where ever you are.

It's been a grueling day so forgive me for being brief.My primary care did put me onto a bad medicine that has made all my before and after "scopes" much worse. That is what caused all this intensifying pain and inability to get food down. I am now back on my Prilosec.
I was supposed, on the day of my endoscopy, to have been put on medication and a very strict diet as they found edema in my duodenum which is inflammation and tissue damage.I learned this today because I called angry wondering why no one contacted me. 6 hours later the nurse finally did. She assumed her doctor gave me meds and assumed her doctor informed me of the inflammation and need to be on a very strict diet as it takes 6-10 weeks to heal from something like this. They have yet to figure what caused it... meds, bacteria, disease, foods? I pray the doctor can see me soon
The new med my primary put me on, Dexilant greatly made things worse...burned the inflammation. So to be honest, my pain is the same as 6 weeks ago. But at least we know the colon polyps are clear. I am angry, sad, frustrated. One doctor made me worse, the other forgot me. That is why I feel of no significance. This happens too much in my life. I am a human being, why do so many not see me? Am I invisible?

I think it is tomorrow by a minute, it feels like a day since this afternoon. I am getting sicker. Again and just a little despairing. It's been a long time since I've been well and was seriously planning on telling Target to put me on the schedule in 2 weeks but how quickly things can change. I tried the nurse 2 more times with no luck, tomorrow I will insist we speak or I'll drive up there as it is so close.
My body is back almost to the end of January. Stomach pain is more severe, I choke on liquids if I swallow too fast and it looks like the intestinal infection is beginning again. What have I learned? I don't have colon cancer and all 4 polyps are gone. Great! I know little about the endoscopy other than I had an edema and the tissue right there was clear of H pylori. I went in asking them to look for Celiac, ulcers, tumors... inflammation..what is causing all my pain and inability to eat more and more foods. They never mentioned any of that and I am worrying myself that they never did all the exams as ordered. None of those issues were addressed in the test results to my primary care. I need to treat what is wrong..this can't be good for me. The doctor, 5 weeks ago, ordered me to take a new acid reflux drug called Dexilant and I have had heartburn ever since..is that part of it?
Sorry. I really am sorry. I want to tell you all this great news but I am in pain and sad and very bewildered tonight. BUT, tomorrow is another day and hopefully I can learn more and SOMEONE will tell me what I am supposed to do.
I am glad I came here tonight. Talking to you makes it easier.

Trying to get ahold of someone to explain things. Phone tag. They found an edema in the duodenum, no H pylori. No more explanations. Eating is still difficult and very tender inside the stomach, like acid. Oh, blgh! I must stop listening to other people's guesses. They mean well but it doesn't help. The doctor needs to talk to me; she scheduled me for a consult for Mar.21.Are you kidding me? I can't live on Frito's Butter Puffs, Smucker's P&J and cheese forever. That is what I mostly eat...I want other foods but soon after I try something my stomach hurts. There, I have whined enough. Oh, and pistachios.

I succumbed to self pity yesterday worrying about the results of the polyps. I finally got the call tonight from the doctor who told me this: The 3 polyps in the upper left intestines were benign but pre-cancerous meaning every 3 yrs I will have the colonoscopy. The 4th anomaly was a very inflamed tubular ana(something) that was double checked and found to be clear! YES!!!!

Now, it will take a day or two longer to find the results of my 3 stomach biopsies to see if I have Celiac Disease, Ulcers, tumors, etc. Also, apparently, the back of my throat is not working as it should in starting the swallowing process and may be why I keep having large pieces of food slip back and fall down my throat sometimes causing me to choke or cough up solid food.
Can you imagine how much better my life can be if they can find these things and have ways to fix me so I can eat more normal foods (lol, or not if I have Celiac which I CAN live with.)
To eat without fear of choking...
AND, fingers crossed, it may also show soft tissue damage that causes the back of my throat to close when I fall asleep and either stops my breathing or startles me awake with a choking feeling. My Goodness!! My life could improve to much!!! Yes, I am excited. I don't care if Celiac is difficult, it could give me a life back. Whatever they say, I will be GRATEFUL.
My only fear and I can't shake it yet, is that they will say they found nothing and don't know what to do next. I force myself not to think of it but for a quick moment. The power of positive thinking has been proven time and again to be a marvelous healing aid.

We've had a constant wind here today gusting to 64 mph, rattling the windows and sending my bird feeder on wild rides. Lots of storms on the way this week but most are to be weak here in the valleys with most snow in the mountains. That's how I like it.
The flowers and trees are confused because it has been such a mild winter. The crocus, tulips and a variety of trees are already budding. I hope they'll make it through this craziness.

My husband is feeling guilty today. I woke up sneezing & coughing. "Honey, you did use the sanitizer those first 2 days you were sick, right? You were careful so I wouldn't catch it." "Oh, $#$$!"he says,"I forgot. I only touched the cupboards, the frig and everything. " And proceeded to Clorox it all. That was 2 days ago. We are now both sneezing, moaning and laughing. We made lemonade out of this week's lemons.

Today was one of my strongest days. I went for a nice drive cranking out the 1960's tunes and alternately listening to Sean Hannity. Topped it off with a buffet dinner with my husband who ate 3 plate fulls while I stuck to mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, popcorn shrimp and a bowl of broccoli cheese soup drowned in soup crackers.
Strength is coming back faster now.
Only side note..the doc called. They found 4 polyps not 3 and took 3 biopsies of my stomach so in a week or so I'll let you know the news. I expect it to be news I can "live" with. :)
The Utah Jazz are falling apart as they do every year since Stockton and Hornacek quit..oh, and Malone. I swear it is something in their uniforms. They start out strong and we all get hopeful and it's at that moment the bottom falls out. Why? Is Corbin too much like Sloan? I love Sloan but he couldn't control his team in the end. They are undisciplined. But I love them. Something has to drastically change. Corbin,. is it you? I just don't know. Go, Jazz. Win!

Great to have the scopes over with. It went well and was a piece of cake. It is true that the worst part is the colon cleansing the night before. It is not painful or embarrassing. My first one was 10 yrs ago. What a difference a decade makes! You go to sleep so quickly that it almost feels like you just nodded off. Of course they want you to recommend the procedure to all you can to save many that did not have to die from colon cancer. My niece died last year from it.
Highlighting it all is this; the doctor found 3 polyps that were removed and are being biopsied. I am praying for the best.
Very soon I hope to be through with this darn medical stuff. I don't like to bother other people and keep a lot to myself.. haha, so I blog it. That doesn't make sense but it does help. I think. Sometimes I think I am nuts to be doing this.

Good news/bad news.I got a call this morning and the dr. had a cancellation so tommorow afternoon (I guess it is tomorrow my time already) I go in the the scopes. I've been drinking nasty meds all night to they can clearly see the colon. More tomorrow morning. I am so anxious...here I've been so hungry for weeks only eating bizarre foods and now nothing for 2 days.
However, I've been told the test is so fast and simple and after the mild sedation wears off you can actually go out to eat. Man, I'd like burnt toast right now. OH, the hunger pangs!!
Just think I would have had to wait until Mar. 28th for this. 5 weeks more. This is a blessing. Please think happy thoughts that they won't find anything..or if they do, something I can be cured of. Prayers do work miracles.

I realized today March Madness will soon be upon us. It does become a wild and crazy time but exciting to watch. Are any of you overseas who cannot keep track? If so, just ask and I will do my best to help you when it begins.
There's no place like home when these events occur.
Dan is pretty sick tonight, he hasn't had a cold in a couple of years and this hit out of the blue.Wow, when he sneezes I jump nearly every time. Hope it clears quickly as he has a couple of jobs in the cold which wont' help.
Take care my friends. If you come back once in a while, please leave a comment. Feeling a little lonely here at times.

I have done next to nothing today. It was a day of channel flipping, trying to nibble a little now and then and staying in the jammies.
Oh, I did get some good news: the liver and pancreas blood tests came back within normal limits.It looks like those fun "scopes" will be the greatest source of info.
Time to write some notes.

What a great NASCAR shootout tonight! Large wrecks, drama as the teams learn the new rules and driving the altered cars. Kyle Busch is not one of my favorites but he certainly deserved the win tonight. It was fun to watch.
As soon as I get back on par I am going to be making some changes on the blog. It is old fashioned, doesn't have the music up right and I want it where it can get out more and get some comments in return. It's lonely having a blog all by yourself.
I will keep you informed how it goes. I feel good about it.
It's supposed to snow tomorrow pretty good. It will be the first time we have had to use the snow blower this year. Just hope people remember how to drive in snow, they forget as soon as the road gets covered.

Do you believe in ghosts or spirits? I suppose if I said I do, half of you (if there are any) would exit the post now. Life is a risk. Yes, I do but that is for another day. I will tell you of the two times I saw 2 distinct apparitions in my home about 15 years apart...such vivid dress and detail it's emblazoned in my mind.
Of all the things to be crazy about I must say I can barely tolerate the GEICO squealing pig commercials. I can't change the channel soon enough; that is not a good indicator of making a wise choice in selecting that to represent your company no matter how silly they like to be.
The Energizer Bunny ads weren't half as irritating. Which irritated you the most of the two?
On that happy note, goodnight.

It is 12:44 am, Utah time but I had to get back on briefly. Someone asked me tonight if I had listed my Bucket List. To those unaware, it is a list that some people create of things they want to do before they die. Now, first of all, what kind of person would ask me that? They are already assuming I am going to die from this and giving me no chance to take the tests and go for a cure. Bucket list? IF I were ever to feel the need, it would be more of a post-it-note list. I have lived through much, seen much in Japan during the Vietnam War...have little money but am without price when it comes to the worth of my husband, daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. I do not intend on receiving a death sentence with my ill health but even if I did I would have no list. I would want to spend all of my time with laughter, love and association with what brings me great joy.. my family. I don't care to climb mountains, be in airplanes, kayak down rapids or walk the ancient ruins. I thank the Lord for giving us people with the ambition,nerve and desire to go to the Amazon, the Nile, the Greek Ruins, the Galapagos Islands, the volcanoes, etc. I love watching their experiences and am grateful for them. Think... God has given us tens of thousands of people whose love is to film and share the wonders of the world with those who will never have the opportunity to see them. Thank you. I am content to live through your eyes.

They drew blood today to check the pancreas and liver. I now am scheduled for an endoscopy and a colonoscopy at the end of March. I am on the cancellation list to try and get it done sooner. The doctor that will do it has a great reputation. I've heard the medicine you have to drink is the worst part so I am not so afraid. Hah! Of course I say that now but how will I feel then?

I am getting anxious for NASCAR to start. I wish someone else in the family enjoyed watching it as much as I do. I record it when I can't watch it live, avoid the news then watch it later in the evening. I have a few favorite drivers and a couple I don't like but for the most part I enjoy all of them. I seldom watch the Indy races because it makes me so nervous. After seeing the crash and horrific death of Dan Whedon last year just reinforced it; even though the decision to race on that track should never have been made. Tragic.

Peace and Joy to the world.

Well, it is official. I am on a medical leave of absence from Target.Now it is time to get more work done and deal with what I have to do. I am certain I have to schedule an endoscopy and possibly a colonoscopy. Feeling sorry for me yet? (sigh) If you do...don't. There are always so many things that are worse. Tragedies are everywhere and I am grateful for to be where I am in life but could sure use a lottery win. This economy is harder on us than my health.
Today it snowed, rained and was sunny. You've got to love Utah.

Well, I see the doc Thurs but heard from 2 parties today it would be best to take a health leave of absence until I am thoroughly diagnosed and treated. They think there's other serious issues going on and specialized tests are needed. I need to decide within 2 days. Drats. I was wishing for much better news. Oh well, I will do what is best as I have a lot of living to do.
I am dying for NASCAR racing to begin. Funny, how I never watched it until 2001. I was very ill (wouldn't you know it) and couldn't get off the couch. It was the day Dale Earnhardt was killed in the crash and I watched it all for hours. I was hooked. I've barely missed a race; if I have to work I record it and watch it when I get home. It's amazing how fit and strong the drivers are, among the best of athletes.
I get frustrated with people who say who wants to watch cars go in left hand turns. They have no idea what goes into racing... and the dangers, the strategy... I love it.
I have a secret fear that these upcoming tests may show cancer. Please pray for good outcomes. I will, of course, keep you posted. You are the ones I tell... most is my secret from everyone.
The best is to keep focusing on tomorrow.

This is just a side note/request to feed my paranoia and fear of being alone. You don't have to make a comment or criticize, but if you think of it when it comes to comment, would you mind once in a while just posting a hello, or a I am here or a Hey. If not, that's okay. Loneliness is a ground I often step on.. minimal words would give me a more stable foundation. Love you.

I was unable to go to work but tonight went to my granddaughter's 5th grade school play which I wouldn't have missed for the world. She loves being on stage and that thrills me. I was on stage all through Jr and High School, my mom sang in local night clubs and my maternal grandmother sang on the Utah Stage. I was told my great grandmother also was a performer who knew the legend of those days, "Maud Adams". I wrote a play 10 years ago that was performed for the ward and then the stake (LDS). I want to submit it for roadshows.
Tomorrow is tax day and my already sick stomach is doing flip flops. I hate tax day. A few disasters in the past have made me totally paranoid every year. We've been so poor and had such a hard year, I fear for what they may want us to pay. Gees, I need a pill now, just to chill and try to sleep.

Today I was able to go to my daughter's performance at her church in a quartet singing, "Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing". It was great; I am biased but truthful. Very proud.
She just turned 40 and isn't happy about it; she looks 30.
Wish I could say more tonight, but things aren't feeling well so I am going to retreat early and simply rest. I am supposed to go to work tomorrow for the first time in a while... please wish me well.

Doing better, ate a Smucker's peanut butter and strawberry frozen sandwich, one ice coffee, 8 saltine crackers, and about 15 butter puffs by Cheetos. Yeehah, that is progress!
I slept for 5 hours straight last night.
Today was the Powell children's funeral. I was glad to hear they were buried together in the same casket, an eternal bond. I pray so hard they will still be able to find their mom, Susan. The Cox's deserve to have their family closure and yet, have the peace of heart knowing they are all united in Heaven. God bless the police and all agencies trying to bring her home.
RIP Whitney Houston who passed away this afternoon at the young age of 48. Still no known cause released but I can't imagine her years of drug addiction didn't somehow come to play. Does no one learn through the tragedy of others? Always so heartbreaking. So much talent silenced far too soon.
Do they know how much their lives touch so many or has drugs removed that ability from them?

Our warm winter in Utah this year is nice but confusing for the birds and trees. Yesterday, out my front room window I saw robins, finches, woodpeckers, starlings and 2 yellow chickadees. We have trees and a bird bath which they all wanted part of at the same time. I walked into the back yard and it was like Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds". There had to have been 25-30 large black birds in one tree, making "caw caw" sounds that were eerie.
Tomorrow night on our local KSL television they are replaying the opening ceremony of the Utah 2002 Winter Olympics for the 10 yr anniversary. I wonder if you can stream it off KSL.com.Please check it out if you can. It will begin at 10:35 pm Mountain Time. It was pure magic and I am anxious to see it again.
Yes, still sick. Infection should be cleared by now but the stomach won't let me eat without cramping and pain. That is the 2nd half of fixing me up. Looks like I will have to have an endoscopy so they can look down the throat and into the abdomen to check for tumors, anything that can be causing this as I am sorely lacking in nutrients. I am sure it won't be long and I will get back to writing for my Kathy-Simply Me blog and getting out in the sun
I want to get back to my part time work at Target but too weak from weeks down. It will take a bit, but I am slowly getting upright without tipping over.
Love you. Peace and Joy to your life.

I wish this was a post of what a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday I had yesterday. I was able to spend hours with the grand kids and family. It was great to be out of the house and with them, their constant busy, cherished fun moments.
Then it happened, the breaking news across our screen that Josh Powell had perished in a house explosion and the bodies of 2 young boys were recovered. No! There was no way it was going to be his 2 boys, they weren't in his custody. But, you know the story by now, it is everywhere.
I have been praying for their mom, Susan Powell, to be found dead or alive and be brought home since she disappeared Dec. 2009.
I have a million words in my head, but a broken heart that can't express them all. It is all so overwhelming when it is so close to home.
It is mind boggling that they died in the explosion and fire but just an hour ago we learned that he attacked both boys with a hatchet before the carbon monoxide killed them. Josh appeared to have no trauma. His trauma will be eternal.

Still hanging in there but it is looking like I won't make the full 10 days of Cipro. That is one powerful drug.
RIP Helena W. We lost a long time plumbing customer yesterday. She was a character, in her 80's and outspoken. I just learned she was on the stage in her early years and was quite the activist in many state and local issues..long before women really did that in Utah.
Sorry this is so short but just not up to par tonight.

Re:WalMart. I called today & they said I still owed and there was no record of payment. I sent the 2nd check off today but was told I will be charged a late fee. If I say the name "Calvin" they will probably (grr) waive the fee. They said the mgr at the store could not have called the right number as they are open 24/7 and not one dept. says it is now closed. Let's hope I get it waived. Man, a $39 fee for a $27 bill that was paid on time but technology went wonkers.

Also, the doctor called today. They found white blood cells which is bad news. I have a bad intestinal bacterial infection and had to immediately start "Cipro" which is a strong antibiotic.All the warning material scared the heck out of me. Funny, bad stomach get treated with pills that give you a bad stomach and can GIVE you an intestinal bacterial infection! I cried and cried. The pharmacist said the risk of the side affects were worth it to kill the bacteria which could lead to even more serious disease. Wow, that cheered me up. So, please think happy thoughts for me.

If no one said they loved you today that stops now. I love you and don't even know if you are there.

I had to make a quick trip to WalMart today, which I usually avoid as much as possible for a myriad of reasons but my payment was due today..being sick I've screwed my bill pile up and paying for it. They take my check, the machine endorses it, I sign that it was for the correct amount and hit "Ok."The clerk then pulls out a small paper that has printed that my transaction has been denied. 2 clerks later and no one working in their billion dollar offices on a Sunday..I still don't know what happened nor do they.. yet. Did they take my money & my bill is paid since they endorsed it or did the denial of accepting it cancel it out and will they then try to charge me $39.00 late fee? I can hardly wait to call and be put on hold forever tomorrow and find out. Sigh.

I know life is full of bumps in the road; sometimes it's the small, sharp rock that gets you.